But that's how I wanted it to be, I think. Maybe. I'm not entirely sure!)1♥2
“I need to say this.” She stood in front of a camera. The camera was currently airing this to everyone all around the world live. It was usually her job to tell the world the latest news, the latest tragedies.3
Now it was her job to prove to the only man she’d ever let in that she loved him. She tossed the words “I love you” out to easily, she knew because she loved quickly. He was the only one, the only one, who had the power to break her heart though.4
The mood around her turned from relaxed to confusion. She didn’t care. She swallowed.5
“John Casey, if you’re watching this then please don’t turn your TV off. There’s something you should know.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll admit it – I love way too easily.”6
Her cameraman smiled. He was her best friend as of thirty minutes ago when she’d slipped him a hundred dollar bill to keep the cameras rolling. Her boss would be here in two seconds, trying to get the cameras to go off, trying to stop her.7
But she’d covered all the bases. No one would stop her. Not even the head boss.8
“I do, I really do. I’ve loved all my ex-boyfriends in some way or another, but as my best friend, Molly, pointed out – I’ve never been in love before.” She straightened her shoulders, staring directly into the camera. She knew her boss was trying to turn off the cameras – she’d seen it out of the corner of her eye.9
“Then you came along, John. Gosh, I was an idiot for you. At first, I thought it was just a stupid crush but then you met my kids and you were so good with them. They liked you.” She laughed. “Or at least, I really hope they do.”10
“Jane, I’m going to kill you!” her boss hissed. Jane only smiled again.11
“You were patient with Ashley who tried on six outfits for you to decide which one was the best. She was going out on a date and was totally nervous. Sorry about that Ash, but I’m pretty sure everything worked out, didn’t it?” Jane smiled.12
“Anyway, my point is, John Casey, that I love you. I’m in love with you.”13
Her boss was no longer squawking. Jane settled back into her chair. “I don’t know if you believe me, but I’ve seen this done on movies and TV shows – you know, declaring your love for someone in front of millions of people?”14
Jane laughed nervously. “I probably should’ve just gone to your apartment, shouldn’t I? All well, too late now. You’re mine and its kind of late to change that.”15
She sighed and bit her bottom lip. “Okay, maybe I should leave now. I don’t know what I was expecting but … maybe I’ll call you?”16
She just lost her nerve. Maybe she thought it was supposed to be like the movies, where she starts to declare her love for him and he comes barging through the door. She felt deflated as she recited, “This was a breaking-news report by Jane Washburn. Learn more about the train crash at eleven tonight. I’m at EDGE Six O’clock News and signing off.”17
Jane forgot to wait for her cue from the cameraman, Chris, and just got up and ran before he’d shut them off. She pushed passed her boss, Zach, and slipped through the exit doors.18
Stepping out onto the street, she closed her eyes for a brief second, before she headed for her car. Jane was more than nervous now, she was pissed off. Her cell phone rang in her pocket and her heart stopped.19
Picking it up, she said, “Hello?”20
“Mom! What the hell? I don’t go and talk about your private business on national TV, do I?” Ashley’s sixteen year old voice came, all high and squeaky. Then Jane heard her daughter chuckle. “But apparently you do that anyway.”21
“Well, what did you think?” Jane asked, getting into her car.22
“I think you really should’ve expanded on how much he meant to you, probably should’ve looked a bit more nervous and you definitely needed to ramble.” Then Ashley sighed. “But then again, if he loves you, he should know you were born to sit in front of a camera, be shitting-your-pants nervous and look so collected.”23
Jane laughed, despite her daughter’s new boldness of swearing in front of her. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she told her daughter, “But other than that?”24
“You might have saved this relationship,” Ashley whispered softly. “Oh, would you shut up? No, I’m talking to Mom right now. You know girl-to-girl stuff? Oh, God, stop that! Here’s the damn phone!”25
After a rustling noise, her eighteen year old son came onto the other line. “Mom, what were you thinking? Your outfit was all wrong!”26
Jane burst out laughing. She knew her son would have something to say about her outfit. Jane knew Peter probably wouldn’t tell her for another few years, but she already knew he was gay. He was a pretty stereotypical gay guy, which she found kind of surprising.27
“What do you mean?” she asked, amused and glad that her kids knew how to lift her spirits.28
“Oh, come on! You know I told you to change into that subtly sexy outfit, but no. If I was John, I wouldn’t talk to you ever again for that.” But he was teasing, so she laughed again.29
“I didn’t get time, I’m sorry sweetie.” She grinned as she pulled down another road. “What should I do next?”30
“Go to him, I guess. What do you think, Ash?” After a moment where her children murmured back and forth on the phone, Jane slowed down. She knew she shouldn’t be on her cell phone and driving, so she pulled over.31
Heck, she’d only gone down two back roads so far but she wouldn’t risk it.32
“Yeah, Ash agrees with me, Mom. Head over to his apartment. If he’s there, great, if not, come home and wait for him to go to you.” Peter sounded happy and hopeful.33
“Alright then, I’m going to head over now. Wish me luck!”34
“Good luck!” Ashley and Peter’s voices came through the phone. She felt tears pricking her eyes as she hung up. God, she was lucky to have those kids.35
Jane hit the gas and made her way towards John’s apartment. The doorman knew her, so when she asked to surprise John, he let her go in without buzzing him. She paced in the elevator and then when she stumbled into the hall, she raised her hand and knocked.36
His door was right across the hall from the elevator, which had been perfect after their dates. It could get hot and heavy in the elevator ride … she smiled.37
The door swung open and he stood there, staring at her. “Jane?”38
“Hi. Did you see the news?” She waited. He shook his head, but headed over into his living room to turn it on. Dammit, why did she bother?39
She followed him into the living room, of course, and watched as he flicked through the local channels. Tapes of what she’d just done were already re-airing as the local “amazing love story”. Another station claimed that they were going to see if they could get a hold of the couple and do a follow-through on the story.40
Jane held her breath, as her words echoed into the room from the surround-sound system he had. John only listened up to the part when she said, “Anyway, my point is, John Casey, that I love you. I’m in love with you.”41
She watched as he turned to stare at her. He shifted on his feet and mumbled, “You went on national TV to say that when you could’ve just told me?”42
“I didn’t know if you’d see me again – you could’ve shut the door in my face or refused to even let me up. We had that big fight and …” she trailed off as he chuckled.43
“Jane, honey, couples fight. Then they make-up, have amazing make-up sex, and move on.” John shook his head. “God, you’re amazing.”44
He moved forward and took her face in his hands. Smiling, he leaned forward and kissed her.45
She didn’t move, she couldn’t move. It was like finding that damn missing piece after so many years. Jane giggled into the kiss, but he didn’t pull back. If anything, he went deeper. She loved him. He had to love her.46
John pulled back first, to look down at her. She asked softly, “So, what am I going to tell those reporters?”47
“You tell them that –”48
• ♥ •49
Jane woke up with a gasp for air. She reached around her, and found herself alone in a big king-sized bed. She looked around, realizing she was hot and sweaty.50
When she got out of her bed, she looked at herself in the mirror. Tear stains covered her cheeks, which didn’t surprise her at all anymore. She hated that she relieved the memory over and over again.51
Instead of John loving her, he ended up hating her. Dammit, she had to deal with the press too.52
Jane went to get ready for work.53
Two hours later, she stepped into the station and slid into her chair. It’d been agreed last night over the phone that she would tell everyone what had happened between her and John. Ratings, as in a movie, went sky-rocket high.54
Jane waited until Chris, the cameraman cued her in. The red light flickered on and she cleared her throat.55
“Hi, this is Jane Washburn from EDGE Six A.M. News.” Her voice didn’t shake. She sat up straighter. “I’m going to start off with more personal news before we dive into the weather and such.”56
Her boss nodded, waiting. No one but her, John, Ashley and Peter knew what was about to come next.57
“As it happens, John Casey saw the Six O’clock News last night but … it didn’t matter.” Her voice started to shake, so she took a moment to collect herself. “We, as a couple, were gone beyond repair. That’s what he said, anyway. So those of you hoping for a happy-ending like I was, there isn’t one.”58
A tear slipped down her face. Her voice cracked. She didn’t even notice. “Maybe John’s right – maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know. But what I do know is that – BEEP – broke my goddamn – BEEP – heart. Frig!”59
With that, she pushed out of her seat and stared into the camera. “I’m heading off for vacation for a few days, but you’ll see me bright and early Saturday morning, I promise. I just need some time to figure out how … how to mend a broken heart.”60
She closed her eyes.61
“I love people easily. It’s a gift, or so my best friend, Molly, claims. I think of it as a fault. That hardly matters, though.” Jane opened her eyes to whisper, “I love people easily, but John Casey was the first person I ever fell in love with. There’s a difference, believe me.”62
Jane waited a moment before adding, “I guess the difference didn’t mean much to him.”63
She walked off the set and ignored her boss. Instead, she pushed the door open and looked up at the sky. “Rain, dammit!”64
With that, Jane went home to her kids and best friend, without ever knowing that she’d just broken the world’s heart, but more importantly, she just broke John Casey’s heart … and his wife’s.65
♥66
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