A single mother and her only child are sitting at a table. In front of them, cold, tasteless pasta sits on an old chipped plates. No glances are exchanged. No words escape either of their lips. The doors of their hearts are locked, and he has taken away the key.1
He. He who tore two innocent lives into a million pieces. He who was so loved, yet pushed the love away and gave hate in return. He who hurt, abandoned, betrayed. He was that woman's husband. He was that child's father.2
It was over a month ago that he left them, although it seems like only yesterday. The hope of his return was a light through their dark world. By now, that light has burned out.3
Tears fall. First, a little trickling brook. Then, a flooding ocean. Nothing can keep them back.4
Far away, a man and his girlfriend are sitting at a table in a beautiful restraunt. In front of them, delicious gormet meals await to be eaten. They keep glancing at each other, lovingly. 5
Around his neck is two keys.
Author notes
I'm sorry if this isn't very good. I have had major writers block since around april. This is the first story I have written in a couple months. I know it's not that great, and I know it's short. Please no mean comments! Constructive criticism is fine. Thank you.
Tell me if the ending is okay. If it isn't, tell me how to fix it.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You have a good idea
Hi,
You have a great an idea here. You have a wonderful situation packed with powerful emotions.
From the opening pargraph to the end, you were telling the story and not showing us.
One way to make the story longer is to show the reader the characters. It will help to get over your writer's block yoo.
Lynn
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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so saaad 
but it's really good, and i like the keys around his neck. i think it's fine and it doesn't need fixing!! 
great job
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I love this story, it's very well written and discriptive. Your grammer and spelling are awesome, I can find no mistakes! Awesome job!!
~
Kate-kat
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I like this story!!!! It was a little short, but that's okay. Twas a goud story.
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Well, for someone who doesn't have much confidence, your story was very good!
I loved a few parts of this short story. I loved when you made it sound like they were in 2 completely different worlds, but yet connected somehow by this man. I always love to add the short little sentence at the end that sums the whole story up and ends it quickly, no possible way for them to go on, no possible way for them to stop. The reader has read enough to discover that the man is senseless, but yet still has their hearts. But yet they want more. I want more. I love this story. It gives away just enough to nibble at the idea, but then snaps it shut when you move on to the next mysterious paragraph. This is a good thing that keeps the eye hungry and the knowledge even hungrier. It's suspending. You did have one part where you miss put it, but ill let you figure that out.
Thank you. I enjoyed this very much.
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I like it.
I can understand the feelings you were trying to portray here, since, regretfully, I had an experience similar to this one with my father. I think the ending is alright. Very touching.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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