The End of the World (Infinity)

I’ve been thinking about infinity lately. More so than usual. I’m not sure why, really…it’s not as though it will serve any real purpose; and at the same time, I know without a doubt why. Perhaps it’s because I know what the future brings and I am seeing the importance of our lives in comparison with the universe at last. Or perhaps it’s also because I need something to relax my mind and keep me seated in thought, instead of wandering outside and looking up at a sight that makes me want to scream …1

When I was younger, I used to spend nights standing outside, looking up into the bright black sky until my neck hurt. I gazed at every twinkling star, remembering that it took millions of years for their light to reach Earth. Millions of years…it pained me to know that even when the star and I are both long gone, that light will still be shining on this small planet, the star’s legacy outlasting my own, and will be marveled at far more. I will become dust, and it will become legendary. That’s when I began to think about infinity, of time without end. I stared into the northern abyss, imagining the ends of the universe stretching on and on, ever-reaching…into what? With a sudden splitting headache, feeling like stern punishment for trying to open a forbidden door, I realized why it is so hard for humans to understand the concept. We are used to things being finite, like us, having a beginning and an end. Alpha and Omega. Start and finish. To be infinite is to be God, to be immortal and supernatural, to be wonderful and amazing, a fate not reserved for any breathing creature like ourselves, only dangled in front of us to envy. This mystical mockery leaves me dissatisfied, feeling incomplete, as though this life I have is not enough.2

I must admit that, given my fascination with astronomy, it took me this long to figure it out. But then again, no one thought this era would end so soon. The scientists, the people that the world turns to for guidance when faith fails, when they need solid facts, miscalculated. They were toying with dark matter, the essence of the very universe for God’s sake! They made assumptions about something they didn’t even understand! Regardless, they flipped the switches and pressed the buttons and took us all down with them. It was originally supposed that the Big Bang generated enough force that the speed of the universe could outrun gravity, and thus stretch on forever, infinitely. But now, by some mind-boggling chain of events that science will be able to explain, but not justify, the universe, including all of the stars, planets, comets, and even the most beautiful of nebula are coming back together, to reform the point of infinite density and heat that all we know spawned from. The Big Crunch has begun, and the universe is coming to an end billions of years ahead of schedule…and there’s nothing that can stop it. 3

I remember when I first heard the news: it was everywhere, constantly on television, on big bold headlines, and blaring on the radio, all the same message. People ran through the streets, holding signs announcing that message, screaming “The end is here!” The end has been here for fifty years now; the only difference is it grows more visible with time. Every morning when I go outside to get the newspaper, when the sky is still orange the clouds an odd shade of purple, I can see on either side of me, Venus and Mars, creeping ever closer. In the distance behind Mars, the mammoth shape of Jupiter looms like a giant coming to crush us all underfoot; and every year is a little bit hotter. Words cannot convey the sheer terror and sense of awe accompanying a sight like that, but no matter how often I see it, it never ceases to amaze and horrify. I believe we will all be dead by the time it all comes back together, and I must admit I still envy the stars. By the time they die and disappear, we mere mortal humans will still be left with the impression that they, in all their majesty and beauty, are immortal, infallible, and infinite. It’s the ultimate trick.4

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the world isn’t coming to an end; maybe nothing truly ever ends. The religious believe that life goes on beyond death forever, and some others believe that after the Big Crunch, a new Big Bang will occur, and a new universe will be created from the ashes of the old, like a great black, star-speckled phoenix. I do not really care either way. As I write this, sitting beneath the same stars I loved as a boy, my only real thought is this: I wish I can return to life as we know it as a star, to burn brightly and intensely, to be grandeur and wonder itself, and then explode with a fierce ferocity and violence, my remains scattered through the cosmos forever and ever…for infinity.5