I’ve been thinking about infinity lately. More so than usual. I’m not sure why, really…it’s not as though it will serve any real purpose; and at the same time, I know without a doubt why. Perhaps it’s because I know what the future brings and I am seeing the importance of our lives in comparison with the universe at last. Or perhaps it’s also because I need something to relax my mind and keep me seated in thought, instead of wandering outside and looking up at a sight that makes me want to scream …1
When I was younger, I used to spend nights standing outside, looking up into the bright black sky until my neck hurt. I gazed at every twinkling star, remembering that it took millions of years for their light to reach Earth. Millions of years…it pained me to know that even when the star and I are both long gone, that light will still be shining on this small planet, the star’s legacy outlasting my own, and will be marveled at far more. I will become dust, and it will become legendary. That’s when I began to think about infinity, of time without end. I stared into the northern abyss, imagining the ends of the universe stretching on and on, ever-reaching…into what? With a sudden splitting headache, feeling like stern punishment for trying to open a forbidden door, I realized why it is so hard for humans to understand the concept. We are used to things being finite, like us, having a beginning and an end. Alpha and Omega. Start and finish. To be infinite is to be God, to be immortal and supernatural, to be wonderful and amazing, a fate not reserved for any breathing creature like ourselves, only dangled in front of us to envy. This mystical mockery leaves me dissatisfied, feeling incomplete, as though this life I have is not enough.2
I must admit that, given my fascination with astronomy, it took me this long to figure it out. But then again, no one thought this era would end so soon. The scientists, the people that the world turns to for guidance when faith fails, when they need solid facts, miscalculated. They were toying with dark matter, the essence of the very universe for God’s sake! They made assumptions about something they didn’t even understand! Regardless, they flipped the switches and pressed the buttons and took us all down with them. It was originally supposed that the Big Bang generated enough force that the speed of the universe could outrun gravity, and thus stretch on forever, infinitely. But now, by some mind-boggling chain of events that science will be able to explain, but not justify, the universe, including all of the stars, planets, comets, and even the most beautiful of nebula are coming back together, to reform the point of infinite density and heat that all we know spawned from. The Big Crunch has begun, and the universe is coming to an end billions of years ahead of schedule…and there’s nothing that can stop it. 3
I remember when I first heard the news: it was everywhere, constantly on television, on big bold headlines, and blaring on the radio, all the same message. People ran through the streets, holding signs announcing that message, screaming “The end is here!” The end has been here for fifty years now; the only difference is it grows more visible with time. Every morning when I go outside to get the newspaper, when the sky is still orange the clouds an odd shade of purple, I can see on either side of me, Venus and Mars, creeping ever closer. In the distance behind Mars, the mammoth shape of Jupiter looms like a giant coming to crush us all underfoot; and every year is a little bit hotter. Words cannot convey the sheer terror and sense of awe accompanying a sight like that, but no matter how often I see it, it never ceases to amaze and horrify. I believe we will all be dead by the time it all comes back together, and I must admit I still envy the stars. By the time they die and disappear, we mere mortal humans will still be left with the impression that they, in all their majesty and beauty, are immortal, infallible, and infinite. It’s the ultimate trick.4
Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the world isn’t coming to an end; maybe nothing truly ever ends. The religious believe that life goes on beyond death forever, and some others believe that after the Big Crunch, a new Big Bang will occur, and a new universe will be created from the ashes of the old, like a great black, star-speckled phoenix. I do not really care either way. As I write this, sitting beneath the same stars I loved as a boy, my only real thought is this: I wish I can return to life as we know it as a star, to burn brightly and intensely, to be grandeur and wonder itself, and then explode with a fierce ferocity and violence, my remains scattered through the cosmos forever and ever…for infinity.5
Author notes
I have had a serious writing jones for the last few days, and this popped into my head yesterday. I would have posted it sooner, butI got unfocused and had to rethink my goal. As always, I'm a bit dissatisfied with how it ended,but I haven't seemed to disappoint so far. I hope you enjoy it.
Comments
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Very intriguing- your thoughts about the light of the star as well as your wishes to become one.
If the Crunch theory is accurate?- That's the beauty of life and death. Out of life comes death. Out of death comes life. The only thing which can defeat death is the birth of something new.
This goes for everything. If it weren't for this cycle, the world would grow stale.
If infinity can teach us anything, it's that quantity is relative. There are particles smaller than atoms, and there are things bigger than our universe. Stars live for billions of years, then they die, just as a mayfly dies in a day. Just as a mayfly releases eggs before it dies, a dying star releases the foundations for new stars.
Our death is unavoidable. The idea of not existing scares us shitless. But remember something you possess, something that star doesn't: consciousness - the marvelous opportunity to witness the world, to love and appreciate the cycle which brought us into existence.
I marvel in the fact that even the universe must die. -
I forgot to add that I'm a little bit jealous.
You do such a stellar job (pun intended) on expressing yourself. I have so many thoughts in my head, especially about things like this, but I can never seem to get them all out in a sensible form. It all gets stuck in my elbow, along with my artistic vision. I love reading your pieces because they are deep, like my thoughts, but so expressive and well-written, unlike my own feeble attempts at such things. Love it!
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No disappointment here. Just speechless fascination and a long trail of captivating thoughts to interest me for a good long time.
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It is very deep and you yourself are very good with toying with matter beyond our true undertanding, got me thinking, wth out the headache
there is nothing wrong the ending. you since it coming and leaves you pondering, as it should. -
This is a very deep piece, very thought provoking. I quite enjoy it.
I love the quote, "It's better to burn out than to fade away...". Thats what the last section made me think
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Thank you. I always put a lot of thought into what I write, so my concerns about the ending don't really matter to me now that I know people enjoy what I came out with.
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i don't know why u think the ending is good i think it is perfect don't change this i love it
see ya soon
kira
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i don't know why u think the ending isn't good i think it is perfect don't change this i love it
see ya soon
kira
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i love the story and i loved how it ended best of luck with you and your writing
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Im sorry it took so long for me to respond to your comment, but thank you very much. I love to hear that people enjoy my work.
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whoa.....*opens mouth and closes it again after a few minutes* This has got a lot of deep points in it. I hope that you aren't dissatisfied with this. I really like it. I'm Christian and all my views for/about end times and such come from the Bible. I really love this. You're right, I do love it!
Warmest,
Mylee -
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Thank you; I figured you would like it. And I am becoming more satisfied with it the more poeple enjoy it.
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Cool!
This was really neat. It makes many a good point here. As a Christian myself (believing that the earth is not my home, and that death is just the beginning of another eternal life) a lot of the things mentioned here are all to familiar concepts. I even recall a conversation I've had with someone who could not understand the idea of God, a being that has no beginning and no end. It seemed impossible to them. And in that conversation I remember actually saying "It is because we, as humans, have a beginning and an end. It's all we know. Thus, something eternal is hard to wrap our minds around."
So that idea really hit home. Pretty neat write here. The idea of a BIG CRUNCH seems like it would make for an interesting sci-fi/natural disaster movie (if it had a decent director, and A-list actors of course ). In so few words, the images where vividly painted in front of me. I saw myself looking at the sky and seeing Mars, hanging there, taking up half the sky as it neared. And Jupiter, a little off in the distance getting closer. I could see it, and it was so cool!
You are correct, you have not disappointed. No story is going to be entirely flawless-- no, it is all the RIGHT flaws that make a story a GOOD one.
Glad to have met you, honestly.
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Thank you very much once again. Yeah, infinity is definetly a subject I am fascinated by, and I really do think about it when I stargaze. I'm glad I was able to get my thoughts on it out. And the Big Crunch is something I read about last year in Stephen Hawking's "Brief History of Time." I thought it was a really interesting concept. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm flattered you think so highly of me. Thank you!
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Deeeeeeep.
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Thank you.
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