Abusing Miles (Part 3-3)

ABUSING MILES1

3.2

Silken sunshine beckons bright3

Over mountains, valley high4

For nightmares come to welcome dusk5

Laying still with bloody tears I cry6

Fastened, gripping so brutally7

Pleasure mixed with pain made to bleed8

Petals sweet like the rose of the dead9

Morning comes I wait, he feeds10

***11

It was the night I could not handle.12

I could never sleep, I was always shaking wrapped in a thin sheet Sydney had offered as a blanket.13

I would rock myself back and forth freezing to the marrow, no strength in me at all.14

Then when the sun shone brightly through my cracked window like a light beckoning more nightmares; a warning to prepare for my next violation I would get a second wind of life and the pleasures of my imagination would come alive haunting me, tragically causing my into a state of sickening perversion; this is what he did to me I was not even safe inside my mind.15

I never understood entirely what I wanted from him and in the end I guess it never really mattered at all after the trigger was pulled and I lay motionless and still free from Sydney. I never knew why I needed his love? But the more I visioned the things that Sydney had done to me, remembering the feeling on his rough, violating hands pinning my body down impaling his heavy, hardened guilt in me the more anxious and sexually frustrated I became.16

Sometimes in the memory of his erection and the smell so potent a mix of sweat, cum and blood was too strong on my body , not willing to disappear all to soon ; I would strip myself bare laying naked,wounded, bruised, scarred and torn from the inside out, unprotected by the filthy, flea, tainted mattress that Sydney had provided me in case of a visit from social services, waiting till my body craved his deviant destruction that he had brainwashed me with, the sickening, twisted desires he had tamed me with forcing them to nest cruelly in the back on my mind only being brought to attention when the morning dawned and I was ready, ready for him to slaughter the life from me.17

Then when the timing was right, when my body was at the crucial breaking point of arousal I would loop my wrist through one of the ropes that he had permanently attached to the bed head for his own convenience, bounding it tightly around my left wrist and would begin to prepare myself for his abuse by toying with my body in ways that would make him ravish me faster, leaving no time for him to beckon my arousal.18

I would swing my legs across either side of the bed, crashing against the metal, kicking and screaming silently as I pressed my face into the dirty, stinking mattress, taking mouthfuls of my pillow as I dragged my face across the mattress.19

I would scream his name, forcing myself to enjoy it, reacting the scenes in which I could never forget neither alive or asleep, biting my lip till it bled dripping a puddle of blood on the sheets that would be dry by the time that Sydney came to get me. 20

I never felt normal without him he had planted his sin in me, embedded some cruel sexual deprived, desire that surged through my mind and rushed through my body day and night, thick like toxin, thick like venom, thick like the creme he had planted in me and never knew had created another sin like him deeper inside of me and the only way to escape it all was in deaths glittering, feral, Scarlett eyes and hooded cloak or in my case with the bullet from my mother's gun, the only remaining bullet she had in case it had not worked the first time.21

I remember every morning Sydney would walk in grinning, his yellow teeth flashing a sinister, carnivorous, smile of delight to see me already for him.22

And when it was all over he had a nerve to unbound me treating me like a delicate Rose petal as he lifted my shattered, bleeding, broken body from the mattress, untangling the sheets from around my bruised and battered legs to carry me into the bathroom, locking the door, whispering to me pleasantly sweet apologies only to lower me down into a hot,scented bath; the same scent as he had used with my mother after every strike of abuse he instilled within her too.23