My Diary 8

September 5 20071

6:59a.m2

Okay, so last night, Gaby called Ryan with me on the phone, but he didn’t know. So I was listening to there conversation. Gaby asked Ryan if he loved me still…And Ryan said yes….Then she asked him what kind of love and he said he would go out with me, but he doesn’t know. Eeek, Ryan still loves me. I can’t believe it!!!3

Later-at lunch4

I’m still astonished about the whole Ry-baby thing. It’s so unbelievably amazing. It’s like all my prayers have been answered. Deep down I'm so happy. Its amazing how much those three words could impact me.5

I feel like I got results back from a very important blood test and they all came back negative. Oh god, speaking of negative. Here comes the femo, Nicole. I think she thinks she is bi-sexual…I wonder.6

No, maybe...Who am I to tell her what she is, except a femo. Oh well. Back to Ryan Nathan Stilwell. (Some guy just tripped) Maybe I will talk to him tonight or I will wait for his birthday in October.7

I'm not even sure I could talk to him. Ill probably freak out and stutter. Like yesterday when Gaby was calling him I was shaking and making ugly little muffled noises.8

I love him so much. Emo love most defiantly, but I don’t want to get hurt anymore. If that’s even possible.9

September 6 200710

At lunch.11

Guess what? I can screamo!!! Isn’t that cool, Gaby can do it too. I think we should start a ban, but you know she doesn’t want to. Today after school I have to go to counseling. Random moment, ready?12

Kids names-13

Boys: Girls: 14

Ryan Ryan15

Skyler Candy16

Hayden Juliet17

Nathanial Kyoku18

Ari19

I want to name my kids those…weird I know, but weird I am.20

Oh, I got the Aiden cd the other night. There pretty cool, I think I have to get used to them though.21

September 7 200722

Okay well Nicole the femos friend, Rachel, asked me to be in there cabin for the retreat. I kind of said yes, but I only said yes, because I didn’t want to be alone in a random cabin. It’s not like they will talk to me or anything. There is this cute kid named Juan…EW like my cousin. I had Chinese today; it was good, but too much food to eat. Today was jean day and I was rocking my skinny jeans, my stripped tank top, and my black jacket. My new hot black jacket. You know Gaby has been being gay lately.23

September 10 200724

Okay well I dressed up all awesome today and Nicole isn’t even here. God, and her little friends, Rachel and Melissa were talking to me. Gaby might call Ryan with me...and I might talk. I'm eating French fries.25

September 11 200726

Oh my god, I talked to Ryan with Gaby last night. HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME!!!!!27

I painted my room, it’s nice.28

Oh, and Juan…school Juan said I'm cute.29

September 16 200730

Hey guess what? I'm talking to Ryan by myself, but that because Gaby is mad at me. I don’t know why like always. I went to that retreat thing, it was cool. And I guess Nicole is pretty cool and cute I guess. I don’t know.31

September 17 200732

Me and Ryan had phone sex. I can’t believe it. That makes is eight time now. I guess he really does still love me.33

September 2534

Yesterday, I stood in line for Halo 3.35

Ryans also grounded. Last time I talked to him was the last time I wrote in here. I was going to send him 40 dollars for his birthday, but he is grounded for his birthday and from the phone. SO he can’t give me his address. I saved that money form not eating lunch. I starved for that boy. If that’s not love then I'm stupid.36

October 137

I haven’t written in a while, but this is what has happened.38

•Me and Nicole, school Nicole, flirt.39

•Escape the Fates new video comes out tomorrow40

•Parents found out I still cut41

•I hate Juan, my cousin42

•My phone broke43

•Ryan’s birthday is tomorrow44