Immanuel

"Where am I?" My prisoner yelled. I kidnapped her right out of her bed without anyone even noticing. A princess! You know the government has problems when the most wanted man in the world is able to go to the third largest city, Helmatar, go to the palace where the sixteen year old princess lives, and abduct her right out of her bed.1

"Don't worry princess," I whispered in her ear, "you're with your good old pal Immanuel."2

"Immanuel!" Her screams went up in a vibrant storm. It seems she has heard of me. I believe it is her responsibility to know me though, I am the leader of the most feared terrorist organization in all of the Empire. They all know me as Immanuel the Prince of Fear. 3

"What do you want from me? Why are you doing this?" Princess Brianna's screams seem to rise throughout my dwelling. She was really just waisting her oxygen screaming, the place where I brought her was deep underground and no scream, no matter how excrutiating loud, could escape this cave's walls.4

"What do I want from you?" I chuckled at her as I came around and sat on her lap. She was securely tied to the chair and I had no fear of her getting loose. "Do you want to hear a story?" She just let out a sob of a reply. Pathetic, but I took it as a yes. 5

"This story begins with a prince and his wife and son. He was a loving man and second in line to a throne that was fit for the Lord himself. Everyday the prince played with his son and made love to his wife, his family was complete, full, and happy. That was until one day, the prince's younger brother, who was an evil, unhappy, shell of a man, came up with a plan to take the throne. His plan was simple, kill everyone in his way to the throne, even if it meant killing his own brother. He sent the best assassin money could buy and released it on the prince and his family. The assassin, fearing the prince's renowned fighting ability, murdered the prince in his sleep. Then he woke up the mother and the son to brag about his work. The mother wept furiously while the son just stood there, becoming cold on the inside. The boy could have tried to cry but the tears probably would have turned to ice. After the assassin's momment of glory, he turned his attention to the mother and son. He tied the son to a chair-like the one you are tied to right now princess-and made the boy watch as he repeatedly ravaged the prince's wife. When she could stand no more the assassin slit her throat and let her bleed-out. Finally, it was the boys turn. The son would not be taken so easily though, he fought back at the man earning many scars that still mark his body to this day. When that assassin put his guard down to laugh at the boy's pitiful tries the son stabbed the evil man's foot and ran. The boy had escaped. But the assassin, fearing the evil, little-bother's wrath, reported that the whole family had been killed."6

I took off Princess Brianna's blindfold, she could not see my face because I was wearing a mask that only revealed my eyes. But for this part of the story I wanted her to see my eyes. 7

"Do you want to know the name of that evil, little prince who killed his own brother?" She sobbed. She knew who's name would be said but she didn't want to admit it. "Your father, Emperor Craig Vollier." I paused to let it sink in. "Now you know why I do what I do. Now you know why I terrorize the Empire. And I will continue until I have my revenge. I will take everything from the Emperor as he took everything from me!"8

Princess Brianna started to cry as tears started rolling down her face, I rubbed her cheek and whispered, "Shh shh shh shh. You do not need to fear. You will die as my father did, quick and painless, while you sleep, besides we are cousins." 9

The princess looked at me with confusion as if to say, "How can you kill me in my sleep? I'm awake." "You look confused my dear," I say, "Let me explain, I poisoned you when I abducted you in your sleep an hour ago. You have less than a minute to live." The princess' eyes widened as if to scream but she could't and her head fell. She was dead. 10

I started laughing, "Guess you had less than a minute. Hahahahaha."

Author notes

Option 8....SoonToBeMartyr

A contest entry

I want to base a story off of the character Immanuel, just trying him out, Please leave comments.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • HoneyAngel
    September 9, 2008

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    This could be a lot better. Whenever someone is talking you need to start a new line and the part where he is telling his story is too much of a chunk. So you need to shorten that, or cut it up. Don't let that get to you though, I loved the idea of the story, I think you just need to draw it out some more.

    If you wantto base a story off him I think it would be well worth doing. It vould be something really great with effort.

    Good job and good luck.

    Angel.


  • bird-mad girl
    August 22, 2008

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    I thought this story was kind of cheesy. I didn't fear the bad guy because his motives were a tad bit cliche. I was kind of hoping for a villain who created chaos just for the hell of it, not because he was wronged and is seeking revenge. I think the revenge quality to him ironically gives him a heart because he feels the pain.

    I also think if you tweaked the way you phrased your descriptions this story could have been a lot better.


  • Boondock Saint
    July 29, 2008
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    what inspired it? um....well i wanted a dark character like the Joker but with a background and reason for revenge which is sort of based off the anime Code Geass


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    July 29, 2008
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    This is incredibly well written and really cool..I like the aspects you instilled in it. that it was not just one genre and it was a couple, with the aspects of fantasy in it as well... I really enjoyed it and you even used a spin on reality.

    what inspired it?

    GOOD LUCK
    THANKS FOR ENTERING

    BLair


  • Hellcat Metal
    July 21, 2008

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    Nicely done. I loved when the bad guy, or the Prince of Fear, started telling her of his life story and why he had become what he is today. I also suspected a hint of craziness but it could be that he just really enjoys what he does..which does seem crazy to me haha. This could really become a good story. Great work, well written, and a good read! Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

1 - 5 of 5