Random Ramblings: the game

You gave up all rights to me or any part of my body. Yet somehow you managed to crush my soul and break my heart in the process of losing those rights! So why on earth do I still care what you think of me?! I thought you loved me, I believed that you cared. Now I see it was all an act, a game we both played too well. I've been playing so long it's become truth to me. OR maybe it always was under the surface of my soul, who knows? I certainly don't! I only wish... but no, you've chosen. HER. You decided to have the one who would have sex with you! I just want you to know, YOU drove me to this, to cut, for the last time. You were all i was living for. I've got nothing left. Death calls to me, beckons me, longs for me. And i, I long for it, as only one who is already dead can long for death.You've killed me, don't you see?!The last thing I'll ever do, is love you, and cut. So slow... so very slow... slow and pleasurable... so pleasurable... the agony... is sooo tempting. But, that damn game gets in the way! the i love you's and i need you's the i promise's especially. "i promise not to cut ever again, for you. But please promise you won't smoke. For me?" "i promise." the only thing keeping me from cutting. because then it's official. I'll never get you back. and at my funeral, if you would even go, you would be thinking of that conversation and how i went back on my part of the bargain. Yet, i want it sooo badly, to prove that this game is over. but like i said, it has become my truth. and truth cannot be denied.......1