She ran into the hospital, dreading the worse. Having to leave work early because of a phone call she was never hoping to get. Her daughter was in a terrible accident at school and they didn't know if she could hold on and if for how long. Looking and searching, she found the front desk and started speaking at a high speed, trying to hold back the tears. "My daughter. My daughter. Where is she? She was in an accident. Please, tell me where she is." At a long last, she couldn't hold back her tears any longer, they slowly started making their way down her cheeks. The nurse looked shocked for a moment but then continued her job, "Miss, excuse me. But what is her name?" The mother looked up, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes turning red, she sniffled and responded. "Her name..? Her name is Kelly, Kelly Shimington. And I am her mother.. Rita Shimington." Her words barely came out, it sounded more like she was whispering, trying to hide the fact that she was so confused and upset. The nurse told her to go wait in the waiting room and the doctor would be out to see her soon, that Kelly was currently in surgery. 1
Rita took a seat in the waiting room, putting her face into her hands, sobbing loudly. She just couldn't believe this was happening, so many thoughts were going though her head. Would her only child die? If not, would she have any disabilities? Would she even ever get to speak to her again? So many thoughts, she sat there still sobbing and thinking. It seemed the doctors were taking forever, like time was going in slow motion. But nothing else mattered, she'd wait a lifetime if she would get to see her precious daughter again. She didn't move from her position, her face staying in her hands, the sobbing tuning down and just turning into tears. 2
At long last, there was a tap on her shoulder. She looked up, her face pink and her eyes completely red. "Ms. Shimington?" The stranger asked, and she nodded her head for the person to continue, "I'm Dr. Highson. Your daughter Kelly, was in a terrible accident. It seems she was shot at school, caught in the crossfire between two boys fighting, one pulled a gun and a stray bullet hit her." Rita went wide-eyed and more tears started running down her face, dropping to her skirt, leaving little wet spots from where they had landed. The doctor gave her a minute then he continued, "The bullet went her in the chest, and hit a few vital blood veins and organs. I'm deeply sorry but it seems there is nothing else we can do. Her organs have a high chance of shutting down, and we don't know how much longer she will live. You can see her if you you'd like, I can take you to her room." Ms. Shimington was too shocked to speak and just nodded her head. Dr. Highson waited on her to stand up and started walking off with her following. 3
He took her to a room and there she saw, her pride and joy, laying on a bed with many tubes and machines hooked up to her. The doctor told her that she could stay there with her for as long as she wanted, and with that, he left the room to return later. Rita pulled a chair up to the bedside and held Kelly's hand, she started to sob again but kept it at a low volume as to not wake her daughter. She soon calmed her crying and prayed that everything would be fine.
After an hour of waiting and just watching Kelly as to not miss any slight movement, her daughter's eyes flickered and then slowly opened all the way. Rita sighed with happiness and smiled at the young girl, tears starting to come from her eyes once again. Kelly tried to force a smile, but it seemed to be too much work for her and then she tried to speak, "Mommy... Please... Don't... Cry." Her mother nodded, trying to fulfill her daughter's wishes by holding back tears. "I'm... So... Cold..." The 11-year-old spoke once again. Rita closed her eyes tightly, she knew what was coming and it was killing her inside. "Kelly, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I'm proud of you everyday." She said. The child put out a little smile and her eyes started to droop but she started to talk, once again, "I... Love... You..." Before she could finish, her eyes closed all the way. Her heart monitor went flat, signaling that her heart beat had deceased. She closed her eyes and put her head down, letting go of her daughter's icy cold hand. Doctors rushed in and she stood up, moving to the back of the room letting them have more room. Rita stood there, a single tear silently falling down her face and landing on the floor. 4
The doctors soon gave up, seeing that they could not save the girl's life. Dr. Highson walked over to the mother, an upsetting look on his face and put his hand up on her shoulder. "I'm extremely sorry, but, we could not save your daughter." He spoke. Rita closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to open them and this all be just a terrible dream. Her wish did not come true, she just opened her eyes looking into those of the doctor. Ms. Shimington didn't cry though, remembering the request of her daughter the doctor asked her to come with him and she did after taking one last look at Kelly's lifeless body and then exiting the room. Rita and Dr. Highson talked about the funeral arrangements and she had to sign many papers before leaving. 5
The following day, there was a report on the news that there had been a serious car crash, killing the only passenger. It was said that the person drove off the road, running straight into a tree at high speed and snapping their neck, killing them instantly. The body was identified as Ms. Rita Shimington whose daughter had also died the same exact day. Police could not determine if she had committed suicide but that was what they suspected. 6
Rita couldn't live with losing the only person she loved the most out of the entire world. Kelly was the person she lived for, and without her.. There was no reason to live.7
A contest entry
- Faltered Wings....and Uneven Things..... 2! by Forgotten Tink..
175 points, ended August 24, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Any advice?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Saddening, it grabs at the heart. I could feel my stomach drop as I read some of the parts. It was a simple story, but still compacting on those who read it.
There were a few stray run-on sentences, but that was it. I also have one suggestion for you, that I give to all with this habit. Try not to overuse the "..." Its fine, every once in a while to give the feeling of pause. But if it used too much it looks unprofessional. Look for alternatives to it; maybe split up the talking with observation of details or what ever fits with the moment.
But you've got great writing, and this was a good piece. <3
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I was cry for the mother and little girl. That would be my worst fear. To say good bye to my baby. Good writing.
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Thank you. =]
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-tears-
I am seriously about to cry. Omg. This is....unbelievable....It's hard to make me cry but let me tell you the tears are welling up right now. This is such a powerful write.....You did wonderfully. Thank you! ^^ -wipes away tears-
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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=]
I'm happy you liked it.
Thank you very much.
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my god.. that was so sad. I loved the story, great description. I could feel the mothers pain all the way through the story.. Great write. =] This is Dilution- from VF btw ^_^ lol.
Keep writing.
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=D
Hehe. I'm a sucker for writing sad things.
;D
But thank you very much!
^.^
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