First Love

When you're in fifth grade they say you are too young to be in love. I disagree. My first love was named Stephanie. She was beautiful. Her perfectly rounded face, chocolate-colored brown eyes, her brightly-colored clothes, and of course, her long brown hair. Stephanie's hair was beautiful, it is a pity that I can barely remember it now. 1

"Hey Cam, you want to go to the movies Friday?" Her voice was so small and pretty. Frail.2

"Hey. Yeah, I do. What movie?" Recounting this story I realize how truely innocent we were.3

I forget what movie we picked, I don't even remember watching it. I do remember the car-ride there however. It is something that I will never forget.4

My aunt was taking us to the movie and when she stopped at Stephanie's house to pick her up, Stephanie entered the car and her long brown hair was gone. She was bald. My mind was too young at the time to comprehend why a girl's head would be bald. Now I know it stands for sickness, death, and of course, cancer. 5

"Why did you shave your head?" I asked.6

"I didn't."7

"You didn't?"8

"It fell out." A tiny but very visible tear rolled down her cheek.9

"Fell out?"10

"I'm sick."11

That was all she said, "I'm sick." It was only later when I was told what she was sick from. She had brain cancer. Brain cancer at age eleven! I still can't fathom what that was like for her. To know that she would die at such a young age. 12

The last time I saw her was a day etched in my memory. 13

My mom had gotten off early from work and immediately shuffled me into her car. She drove fast. "Where are we going mommy?" I asked.14

"To the hospital."15

"Why?"16

"To see Stephanie dear."17

"Why is she in the hospital?"18

"She's sick."19

"She's sick." That is all the people ever told me. "She's sick." I had no idea what that meant. Sick? Like the flu? That was the only sickness that I had experienced up to that point. I wish someone would have warned me.20

At the hospital, Stephanie layed in her bed. She was pale. Her brightly-colored clothes had been traded for a pale-blue hospital dress. Machines were plugged into her from all over. My memory of what machines and what they did were fuzzy but there were two breathing tubes in her nose, that I remember. 21

"Hey Stephanie." I said.22

She turned her head to face me. She let out a small, delicate smile. 23

"Hi," she replied.24

I stayed there for two hours before I had to leave. When I left I kissed her goodbye. 25

Two weeks later, she died. At her funeral, I cried for the loss of my first true love.

Author notes

Option 3: True

A contest entry

Mostly true story, Really happened, dont remember her hair color. I guessed.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • trekkergirl
    December 24, 2008

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    Wow to die at age 11 what a horrible fate. Yet she seemed so special to me just by the way you wrote about her. She lives on yet in your memory of her. She touched others in a most wonderful way. this is truly a wonderful tribute to the memory of her. thanks for sharing stephaine with us. And thanks for entering this her memory with us. And Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.


  • Cupcake14
    November 26, 2008

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    Weird. I mean it was clear she was going to die. You made a spelling mistake-it's not truely innocent, it's truly innocent. Sorry, but the concept of a loved one dying has become way to cliched for me to cry anymore. It's like all-been there, read that.


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    October 15, 2008

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    Good!

    This is a good story. Very touching and heartbreaking. It is well written, but I feel you could have done so much more with it. You might build up the beginning of how the love began and maybe of other things they'd done together or more of what your narrator thought, especially prior to her hair falling out and the discovery that she was 'sick'.

    Thanks for entering Exceptional Stories To Be Published

    Andy


  • EverRose
    September 25, 2008

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    Emph!! OMG! I am so Sorry!! This is true?! (shrieks* I loved this! amazingly written! Fantastic JOb!


  • Just Breathe.
    September 24, 2008
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    I'm so sorry! That story is very sad but well written. Good luck!


  • quicksilver moon
    September 8, 2008

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    It's cute but sad story. Its sad to see your first love die and at such a young age. From the way you had written it I could feel the boy's confusion about what being sick meant. Nicely written story


  • Peachy
    August 30, 2008
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    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
    So sad!
    *cries*


  • Iridessa
    August 23, 2008

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    I was obviously sad reading this story, but there could have been a bit more to it to get that effect across more effeciently.

    I liked how you showed the naivety and innocence of a child coupled with the grief over death.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • Kevan gold member
    August 14, 2008

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    Whoa.
    I wish this was longer. But it's okay. It's sad... what I asked for. I had chills while reading this, wondering what would happen in the end.
    Good luck in the contests.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Kevan.


  • Missi
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Goodd story but it wasn't too emotional. you just retold the story fo what happened.
    Plus you forgot to read the rules.
    You were meant to put "its banana's B A N A N A"


  • Blackwings
    August 11, 2008

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    I liked this it made me sad though. It was cute and the fact that his first crush had cancer was terribly sad I Nicely done and thanks for entering in my contest.


  • Shinami Tsuyoki
    August 8, 2008

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    Despite the fact that children really can't fall in love in the fifth grade unless they have early hormones or something, this was a touching tale. My grandmother died of a Brain Tumor, and those things are impossible to fight often even with kemotherapy. There were several grammatical mistakes I noticed, mainly with punctuation, such as how you should use a comma and not a period when speaking then going to "she said". In adition, I felt you didn't elaborate on your emotions emough and left them basic. Wonderful job though.


  • Naive.
    August 8, 2008
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    =[ As sad as this was, I love it even more because it was a true story. I like how this piece was so short and you didn't write way too much. It was to the point, which I think mirrors a child's simplicity. Amazing job.

    Thanks for entering and good luck.

    -j


  • LivingDeadGirl56
    August 6, 2008
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    that was sweet and sad. i loved it.

  • eelyah21
    August 2, 2008
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    awwww

    *wipes away tears* that was so sweet. Loved it!


  • Boondock Saint
    July 31, 2008
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    yea...its a true story. I was in fifth grade, her name was Stephanie, she was my first kiss, my first love, i did get to say goodbye.


  • moonwriter
    July 30, 2008

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    Awwww. That was sad. Was this a true story? That really sucks if it is. Such a terrible thing to deal with at a young age.


  • BrokenDawn
    July 30, 2008

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    Wow this is a very powerful write I was very close to tears by the end. Very well written, sweet and simple and full of emotion.
    Good Luck!
    ~dawn♥

  • Elegant Inspirer
    July 30, 2008

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    Thats so cute!!!

    But very sad. Its a tender love story. He atleast got to see her and say goodbye. It is written nicely and it ends well. All loose ends are tied up and you end it in a way that we as an audience can accept. Great writing.
    Elli

  • Writing0Freedom
    July 25, 2008

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    Aw, this is really sweet and heartbreaking at the same time .Would you mind editing it and putting what option you used in it please? Thank you! I loved your opening line and thought it was a really interesting hook. You conveyed the confusion of a child who didn't really understand what was going on very well. Maybe since it was 5th grade not so much, but I'm wondering why you loved her, if you remember or if you know?
    Its cute and really sad though!
    Thanks for entering!
    WritingFree


  • Taboo Pixie
    July 21, 2008
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    Aww.. it's cute..but the sad kind. It was nicely written though. I liked it. great job


  • jenn28
    July 21, 2008

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    loved it

    I think it was really sad yet very sweet. I hate that people can be taken away so young.

    The beginning was good and there was great detail. Beautifully written.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


  • alena austin
    July 19, 2008

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    good

    this was a nice entry. I would say it combined first love and first heartbreak in one wasnt expecting that.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • JESSYstarzSMILZ
    July 19, 2008
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    OMG I LOVE IT :((

    its so saddd!!!!!!!!
    THIS IS SOOOOO SAD, but beautifully written!
    good job

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