the nameless child

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  As the child lay still it let out two sniffles and quickly went quiet. Suddenly it was gripped with fear. The child knew that any noise it made would be heard and the parent would be back. So quietly, with out movement or making any noise the tears ran down the cheeks and the nose dripped. Time passed slowly and the muscles ached for need of movement. The bladder became swollen but using the bathroom was not a possibility. Not until the parent released the child.2

The pain of not moving coupled with the need to use the bathroom made its small body explode. In the darkness the child's mind saw flashes of colors explode into a thousand lights. Small noises that came to its ears became like loud drum beats. The child’s mind snapped in the display of utter confusion its tiny mind created and it went limp. The pain disappeared and the bladder quieted. The mind became lost in the new world of its creation. It was not a surrender of will, but more like a selfless loss of ones being . 3

Eventually the small child was given the command that it was time to get up by the parent. It did not hear the words at first. Pulling the mind back into this world did not seem possible. Only when the tiny body was pulled from is bed by the leg and its head bounced off the floor did its mind return to the present world. It ran to the bathroom to empty the bladder and in complete silence it washed its tiny hands and opened the door. 4

After checking the hallway with all possible caution it quietly crept to the kitchen and washed the dishes without uttering a word. It was very deliberate in every move it made to avoid breaking a dish. It heard the noise of the parent getting off the couch and knew that to avoid punishment it must act fast. As quickly and without wasting a step it ran to the closet hallway and pulled out the vacuum. Within less than three minutes the floor was vacuumed, the cord wound and the vacuum was put back into its place in the dark closet.5

The closet scared the child every time it opened the door. It could remember when the closet was the place it was put when it did something wrong. The  child would be lifted by the hair and shoulder and tossed into the dark closet without concern of how it would land by the parent. Lying in the bed came later, after movement was no longer allowed during punishment time. If only the child could learn to be good it thought, the parent would be happy again.6

The child returned to the kitchen counting its steps so none would be lost. With the dishes finished, the floor was all that was left. The child mixed the bleach and pine cleaner together along with the water and got the rag. Each stroke with the rag was memorized. When the count of one hundred had been done fifteen times the floor would be clean. Soon the mop bucket was cleaned and the floor was dried with a towel.  7

The towel was easy, only four counts to thirty and the floor was finished. The child found comfort in this act. Counting to thirty always brought on a feeling of peace. Quietly, and with complete deliberate movement that had been practiced to be sure every movement was correct the small child was finished.8

Only fifteen steps took the child from the laundry room where the towel was hung. With caution, the child counted the steps back to the bedroom. The door was shut until exactly five inches was all that remained open. That was the rule that must always be followed. 9

Soon the child forgot everything and became lost in its imagination. Two ragged match box cars began to be pushed around in the old shag carpet that covered the floor in the tiny room. Another small child joined in on play fun. Of course the other child was not really there. It was only someone the child imagined meeting once, so long ago in its short little life. The children made ramps in there imagination and made spectacular jumps in the air before landing. Small giggles could not help but escape in the children’s delight. In its mind the cars raced on for miles making hairpin turns with absolute ease. Speed was always the case in every straight away. The race was on! They played with wreckless abandon in the simple innocent way only a child found possible. 10

In the excitement of its play the child did not hear the parent enter the room. Suddenly, from no where, a sharp pain was felt as the parent’s foot landed squarely in the center of the stomach. It brought the child’s mind from the game back into the reality of instant fear coupled with intense pain. It rolled over to its side and the parent pressed a foot into the child’s neck. The words of the parent were lost as the child concentrated on putting the sharp burning pain out of its mind. 11

The pain again reached a peak as the child felt itself being lifted to its feet by the hair. It felt the sensation that only comes as the scalp is torn from the inside of the scull. The child was pulled into the kitchen by the arm as its feet dragged behind. The child soon realized the mistake it had made as its face and hair were dragged across the countertop. How could it have forgotten to clean the counter? How could it have been so careless. Only three counts to fifteen were all it would have taken to have cleaned the counter but was to late now. Now was the time for pain. Its small body was bounced around the kitchen as the child tried to let go of itself. It was the only way to control the pain. The child vanished inside its self and only a rag doll of a child was left. 12

The small body barely realized it was being dragged to its room by the leg. It reached out without thought thinking that grabbing at the doorframe would stop the head from spinning. A quick kick to its fingers convinced the half conscious mind of the mistake it made and it quickly let go. The next thought came as the child’s head bounced off the head board and the command was given not to move. 13

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Quickly, every muscle tightened. 15

the child's mind raced, terrified of what was about to happen. It always happened at times like this. The pain instantly transformed the child. Only a short scream escaped the mouth as the body tried to pull away. It was pointless. The cigarette was pressed into its arm as the tiny body was held down by a knee. There was no place to escape to with all the weight crushing into its chest. The child finally went limp as its eyes closed. 16

The body lay twisted but knew if it tried to move into a comforting position the parent would continue the punishment. So it lay there, feeling each point of its tiny body that stunk with pain. It lay there without movement, as its mind exploded into a thousand brilliant lights. 17