Not that it Matters...I love you

In the distance the music near the camp fire became lower and lower as they walked farther away from their friends. The girl giggled as she sat down on the soft grass and watched, with her honey brown eyes, as her boyfriend took a seat beside her. “Last day…” was the words that came out of the boy’s mouth. His emerald green eyes slowly creped to his girlfriend’s face and his stern expression quickly copied the one on his girlfriend’s face. The boy’s lips loosened and fell into a frown as he laid back into the wet grass. “Let’s not start this again, Annemarie.” he told the girl. 1

Annemarie allowed a sigh to escape her lips. She lay down beside her boyfriend and placed her head upon his chest. The boy stared at her smooth cheek as the light of the setting sun made her skin look as though it was bronze. He then ran his fingers through her long wavy hair. “I wish you didn’t have to go.” Annemarie told the boy, letting out another sigh. This time she sighed in order to keep herself from breaking into tears. “Jared, why can’t you do what all the other guys are doing and make up some fake illness? That way you wouldn’t have to leave-” she asked. 2

“I’m not like those other guys!” Jared said a bit louder than he meant to. Annemarie’s eyes widen slightly but only for a moment. She knew she shouldn’t have brought that up, not again. She wasn’t sure what Jared’s real reason for going into the military was but she had a feeling it had something to do with his father. Jared’s father never gave him the time of the day. He was the owner of a big corporation, a corporation that would not be inherited by Jared. No instead a complete stranger would inherit it if anything was to happen to his father. Annemarie couldn’t help but wonder if Jared was only doing this to impress him. “I’m sorry,” Jared said and his words pulled Annemarie out of her thoughts, “I didn’t mean to snap at you…it’s just, I need to do this. You know?” 3

“I understand.” Annemarie said even though she didn’t understand it at all. She couldn’t see why Jared would give up the life he had for one that involved dodging bullets and bombs and sleeping in tents. Did she not mean that much to him? How could he just leave her like this and act as though there wasn’t a care in the world? What if he never came back? What if-4

“I promise…” Jared said suddenly and for a second Annemarie wondered if she had been voicing all her thoughts and concerns. “I promise that I’ll come back to you.”5

Annemarie lifted her head from Jared’s chest when he said this to her. She stared intently at his light green eyes and dark hair. Her heart was beating a hundred miles a minute and at the same time her heart felt as though it was melting, liquefying right in front of him. Why couldn’t he see it? Why couldn’t he see the desperation in her eyes? How could he not know that all of this was tearing her apart? She couldn’t live without him, no, she refused to. “Jared,” Annemarie said but then paused. She wanted to tell him that she would hate him forever if he went through with this but she couldn’t bring her self to do this. How could she be mad at a decision that he made. It was his life. She should just be supportive of his decision and hope for the best. “Jared, I…” As she struggled to think of the words to say to him, Jared stared into her eyes and slowly started to sit up. Before she was able to collect all her thoughts, their friends appeared from behind a group of bushes.6

“There you guys are.” one said as they walked over to them. “Come on, they’re about to set off the fireworks.” she added.7

Jared nodded his head at the girl’s words but his eyes were still on Annemarie. He placed his hand in hers and gave it a tight tug before standing up and pulling her up to her feet. Annemarie’s eyes stayed on Jared’s; she couldn’t remove them from that spot. Two days from now she might never see those eyes again.8

As they walked back to the camp fire, Annemarie felt like she was walking in a daze. Nothing was clear. Everything seemed dark and it was started to feel as if she was losing her senses. First was her eye sight, it was as if someone placed a blind fold in front of her face, then all the cheers of her friends as they watched the fireworks go off seemed to get farther and farther away, even though they were walking towards the crowd of excited people instead of walking away. Afterwards her body suddenly felt weak and a rush of fatigue came over her. And then she blacked out and when she came to she was in Jared’s arms and only a few steps away from her doorstep. She attempted to ask him what had just happened but as she moved her lips, nothing came out. The moment Jared walked into her house with her in his arms was the moment she saw her mother’s worried face. Jared carefully placed Annemarie onto the couch near the entrance of her house and then started to tell her father what had happen. At first she couldn’t understand what Jared was saying but then suddenly the words became clear. “I think she fainted.” was what Annemarie heard. 9

“Annemarie, honey, are you okay?” her mother quickly asked her daughter. 10

“Yeah I’m fine…” was Annemarie’s reply and she was glad that her voice came back. Had she really fainted? It hadn’t been that hot outside and she was drinking plenty of water earlier that day. What could she have passed out from?11

“All the stress is probably getting to her.” Annemarie’s father suggested and Annemarie couldn’t help but notice that his eyes went to Jared and narrowed as he said this. 12

“It’s not-” Annemarie attempted to say but she was cut off by her mother.13

“Shush, here drink some water.”14

Jared watched as Annemarie’s mother forced her daughter to drink water and then his eyes drifted over to her father. The look in her father’s eyes made Jared’s heart skip a beat. His eyes quickly went back to Annemarie before he excused himself. “I better go. You need your rest.” 15

“But-”16

“That would probably be best.” Annemarie’s father said.17

“You leave tomorro-”18

“I’ll see you tomorrow, before I leave.” Jared ensured her. “Bye.” And before Annemarie could say anything else, Jared was gone and the look of satisfaction was spread out across her father’s face. She wanted to scream but at the moment she was physically too tired to and she knew that her father would only give her the look of death and then a lecture about how Jared has changed her personality dramatically. So instead she forced herself up to her feet and pushed passed her father, mumbling something about going to sleep now.19

After struggling to climb up her stairs, Annemarie slowly walked over to her room. When she entered her room she was greeted by her huge mirror and that was when she realized she had been crying. She took a few steps towards the mirror and stared at the tears that continued to fall down her face. “Please…please don’t…” were the words that managed to escape her lips without her realizing it. “…don’t…don’t go…” As she said this, Annemarie reached for the mirror but then stopped when she heard a sound. Her eyes quickly went to her window and she almost screamed when she saw someone standing there. “Oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here, Jared?”20

Jared smiled as he climbed into the room. “Oh, so you mean to tell me that you didn’t want to see me more?” Jared asked Annemarie and she glared at him for a moment and then she ran to him and hugged him tight. For a long time they stayed like that, hugging each other tightly in complete silence, but the silence ended when Jared whispered, “I love you.” 21

Annemarie slowly looked up at Jared and smiled as tears started to fall down her face again. “I love you too.”22

“Then please don’t cry.” He told Annemarie as he wiped her tears away and walked her over to her bed where they both sat down. “I’m going to come back to you. I already promised you that.” Jared said but it was obvious that his promise wasn’t keeping Annemarie from crying. “How about when they chop all my hair off, I’ll send it to you in a bag.” He added with a grin.23

Annemarie stopped crying but only because she hadn’t thought about this. “Chop off your hair…?” she said and then shook her head. “No! I like your hair just the way it is.”24

“It’ll grow back.”25

“It doesn’t matter. Please stay!”26

“I already told you-”27

“If you leave me then you’re a liar.” Annemarie told Jared and Jared raised an eyebrow as he waited for his girlfriend to explain what she meant. “If you leave…then you don’t really love me.”28

“That’s not true. Of course I love you!”29

“Then stay!”30

“I can’t!”31

“You have to!”32

“No…please don’t make me choose. I love you but I have to do this…so just let me, okay?” Annemarie stared at Jared as he said this. She wanted to scream at him, slap him across the face and tell him to wake up but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good. She didn’t want to be mad at him, she wanted to spend their last night together a different way than that.33

“Promise to write.” Annemarie told him.34

“As much as possible.” He told her as a smile returned to his face.35

“Promise.”36

“I promise.”37