blood n' chocolate pt two

me and mara are walking through the waste deep snow i look back at how this burning smoldering blackend mess happend...1

me mara and abraham were in the midst of the battle tearing through as many were wolves as we could as we had all lost our families to these wreched lycans laughing with each decapitation each heart cut out sometimes ripping out their spines with their bare hands each way their was plenty of blood spraying as blood and as blood sliced of one of the lykens head he saw something its head was blocking a giant mounted crossbow with a flaming tip as he turned to yell this to abraham he saw one of the lycans grab his neck snap it and tear off his head and so he grabbed mara and they started sprinting towards the giant weapon as they got closer they saw it had glass sides filled with gun powder the lyken garding it saw them coming and it fired killing all inside the village and destroy the village itself me and mara killed the wolf in cold blood slicing it open taking out the insisdes and cutting them open

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  • Sunless Spirit
    July 19, 2008
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    *gettowork* IMPROVE IMPROVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • ScarlettWilkes
    July 17, 2008

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    My first suggestion is don't forget to capitalize and use your commas. Also check for run on sentences. Other than those few things (and you also spelled lycans as lykens later in the story) it is good. Also splitting different ideas into different paragraphs would help the story flow and make it easier on the reader.