Rain drips quietly through the tangled and blackened branches of this old, dead tree raising pinpricks of trepidation on my skin. This tree once boasted bright, sweet scented flowers, drawing all sorts of gaily colored stinging insects to its heart. 1
I almost don’t see her because the lifeless wood has been stained so dark over the years that her black hair and cloths fades into the background as though she is only half-real.2
A ghost 3
Which, I suppose in a way she is. 4
“Who’s there?” she clings in fear to the deceased trunk fearfully watching me. She doesn’t seem to recognize me in the dim light. 5
“It’s me love.” My voice is barely above a whisper but in the silence it seems to boom. 6
“Don’t call me that.” She turns away from me, shuddering and clinging closer to the dead tree as if it is her only friend. “No one loves me.” 7
“I do. I’d die for you.” I put my hand on her shoulder and gently stroke the soft skin that peeks through a tear in her shirt. “I really do love you. Men are just evil.” 8
“This is wrong.” She trembles. 9
“Remember when I was the one saying that?” I mutter brushing my lips against that little spot. “Remember how you showed me how right it could be?” 10
“Where were you when I needed you?” She asks. “Where were you to protect me like you promised?” 11
“I tried to stop you from going that night.” I took a slow step back. “I wanted to protect you, but I was young. I wasn’t strong enough to convince you it wasn’t safe.” She turns to face me. 12
“Do you know what it’s like?” 13
“Yes. If I could have stopped it I would have. I never wanted any harm to come to you.” I shudder. But then…She walks towards me, wraps her arms around my shoulders and kisses me the way she did the first time we made love. I fold her up in my arms, surprised at how much weight she’s lost, frightened by the way her once-glorious ebony hair hangs limply in my fingers. Yet, despite the cold of her hands her body is as warm as ever, her mouth just as eager. But something is wrong; her kisses should taste like cotton-candy and strawberries. Why then, do they taste like smoke and something sharp and acidic? 14
“Then why didn’t you?” She demands. “Why didn’t you stop him?” 15
I don’t have an answer for her. I simply hold her in my arms weeping apologies into her hair as she fades further. 16
Outside the day is bright with silvery rain. Under this tree I’m surrounded by nothing but death. 17
Author notes
A reoccuring nightmare
A contest entry
- Hypnotize me! by Darkhearted.
145 points, ended July 27, 2008, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - fun for twisted folk (18+) by Immortal Obscurity.
250 points, ended October 24, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is good writing i enjoyed it...but not really right for my contest. sorry. a shortfilm should have an ending. thanks though!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I really enjoyed this. I would love to read more though and find out what actually happened. You seem like a talented writer. Congrats on the trophies you won for this. It deserved them!
~Joann -
I see a lot of people like it, but I'm just not into this.. I don't mind mystery or holding back a bit of information, but this is too vague for me. The tree is cool and at first I thought it referred to someone that had committed suicide and landed in a nasty place... sorta like that Robin Williams movie. But right now I really have no clue what's up.. and I just don't like that.
Sorry! -
Well done, this is really good writing. I really like the description and the reallness of the piece.
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I reconize this story from my other contest. I really liked it. In fact, the only reason you didn't place is because it rally didn't seem to fit the prompt for the other contest, in my opinion. I wish you...scratch that. I know you'll have better luck in this contest. Hopefully the other entries won't blow you away. Hang in there. I am a great fan of this story. Thanks for entering my contest.
*Frozen Angel* -
I was intrigued by this original story. Your descriptions and setting hooked me and it flowed. The plot is open to the reader's imagination:the female character is possibly dead or dying in spirit and was attacked when her lover wasn't around. The tree being the crime scene perhaps?
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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I really liked the emotion you showed. wat happened to her...?
the description in the beggining is wat caught my attention.
good luck,
chey-bear -
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I don't really know. It's based on a dream I had about a real person...
I havn't seen her in the last five years.
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i really like this for some reason..idk if it's the way you wrote it or what...but idk. awesome job.
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