Stormy weather--all we've had lately. Rain and more rain. 1
Papa says it's because of hovering temperatures. Spring is trying to come, he says. 2
I press my face to the glass, and this time, Mother, distractedly getting supper, doesn't rebuke my nose-prints. I'm snug in the house, but I can still feel the gale's trembling fury as it drives its rain into my window. The drops slide slowly down the pane, obscuring vision--but it doesn't matter that I can't see. It's dark out, anyway. I watch the water trickling down--I single out one drop and follow its journey down to the sill. I wonder what it feels like to be a rain drop, to go anywhere the wind takes me. It shakes the house, this wind, and seeps under the door, slowly--creeping as close to the hearth as the fire will allow...the invisible wind that still, somehow speaks. 3
Who has seen the wind? 4
Papa likes to ask that. I think he has a book about it. I tell him, when he asks, that I have seen the wind, but he doesn't believe me. 5
I say you have to close your eyes. 6
Mother calls me a foolish child. You can't see anything with closed eyes, she tells me. 7
They don't know that sometimes the only way you can see things is with your eyes closed.8
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Very insightful
hehehe 
nose prints. . . I used to get in trouble for nose and paw prints a lot, lol. . . 
You have a very powerful and interesting message here. The ability of the child to see what could be, what is in another dimension, or the inner dimension of fantasy, especially introspectively, is something adults lack. Just the very way children LOOK at reality is so inspiring and innocent, yet intuitive in its own regard. To go to that place as a writer and experience Scout in To Kill a Mocking Bird, Alice in Wonderland, Jacob Two Two, The Secret Garden. . . Stories like those give you a new perspective of life. They help one think more openly and as a reader are a blessing to read. As Dilworth once said, "A good (children's) story is written well for both adults and children, but this is a rare thing." Well, there's some of that here. I'm not sure where you'll end up with this episode, whether it will be a children's story, but it is headed in the way of fantasy and that is a very challenging genre to write in. The episode you have here is already amazing in itself with a very powerful conflict and theme at work. You should take this further (for it is not complete and screams, itself, "I'm apart of something Sarah's got rattling in her head, but I'm not done being written yet.") I'd love to see what you make of this in the future.
Go you!
P.S. by any chance was this partly inspired by all the rain we had in Windsor when you wrote this? lol. . .That was a lot of rain, lol. . . I don't ever remember being pelted by so much rain in Windsor. . . lol -
Thanks so much for the applause! I would like to take this further eventually, but I think it belongs in a book...it seems to me that it could be developed (the characters, that is) as part of a larger work, and I'm not ready to do that yet...I think I've mostly posted it to save it. And, of course, to see what everyone else thinks!! Thanks again!
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Good start
Nice beginning. I really think you could go much further with this story. Tell us more about what she sees with her eyes closed.
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