A Healthy Dose of Vitamin C

“Thank you for coming on such short notice Dr. Renfield. This is quite an interesting case, and to be honest we had a lot of trouble finding a doctor that would take this patient seriously.” 1

The warden led Dr. Jack Renfield down the pristine white halls of the prestigious mental institution.2

“Of course, I’m a doctor, it’s my job.”3

The warden stopped and turned to the doctor. “You did read the case report I presume?”4

“I’m afraid I didn’t really have the time to, by the time it reached me I was already half-way out the door. Maybe you could...fill me in?”5

The warden sighed. “The patient accidently took about a hundred hits of LSD, absorbed through his skin. Permanently altered his brain. The man believes he’s a honest-to-god orange. An orange for god’s sake!”6

“And why did you need to call me in for this? Is he dangerous?”7

“No, not at all. But he won’t eat, he won’t sleep. We keep him medicated most of the time, but he refuses to talk to anyone here. For some reason he requested you specifically. Do you have any idea how he knows you?8

“Hmm... not a clue. Did he say why he won’t cooperate?” The doctor didn’t seem at all puzzled by the fact that the patient requested him specifically. Having been a mental health professional for twenty one year, nothing really surprised him anymore.9

“The man’s afraid someone will squeeze him, or peel him. We try to feed him but he insists that oranges don’t eat. We’ve only been able to feed him water and fertilizer. It’s disgusting really.”10

“Hmm. Well, take me to him, let’s see what I can do” The warden led Dr. Renfield to the patients cell and let him in....11

I stepped into the room to meet the patient. The first thing I noticed odd was that he was huddled in the corner, in a ball formation, dressed entirely in orange, a sharp contrast to the usual white that the other “guests” wore. Despite this, the man appeared responsive, in control. Not the usual slack-jawed, vacant stares I usually encountered. It was actually a pleasant change.12

“Hello, my name is Dr. Jack Renfield.”13

“You can call me Tropicana.14

“Tropicana? That’s an odd name. Did your parents name you that?” He didn’t answer.15

“They think I’m crazy. They don’t believe me, that I’m an orange. One day-one day I’m living happily on my tree in Florida, the next day, I fall off and they bring me here. 16

“And how do you know you’re an orange?”17

“How do you know you’re a man? That is what they tell you, isn’t it? That you’re a man, a doctor. But how do you really know? Is it you’re two arms? You’re legs? You’re head? The fact that you speak the language of a Man? How do you know Jack, that you aren’t the orange?”18

This did not sound like a man who had destroyed his brain with LSD. He was insane, yes, but his beliefs, in his mind, were rationalized. And he was capable of explaining that rational.19

“And furthermore doctor, what makes you so sure that I am a man? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are sitting in a hospital somewhere, an orange, who believes that he is a man? Everything you see before you, there is nothing more real about it then the signals your senses send to your brain to interpret. Senses, that according to the fine doctors at this institution tell me are mistaken. But I am not mistaken Jack, I’m am not insane, no. For the first time, everything is stunningly clear to me. I am an orange. Yes Jack, an orange, as crazy as it may seem to you, this is the truth. This is what................................20

I stopped hearing what he said. I suddenly became very dizzy, confused. The room spun and expanded and contracted, the lights grew very bright, so bright they hurt my eyes. I grabbed my hair and all of a sudden it hit me, like nothing had ever hit me before. Tropicana was not insane, this orange sitting before me was absolutely right about everything he said. Everything was clear now, everything exposed.21

“It’s time to get you out of here Tropicana”22

“What?” The look on his face was pure confusion, he did not yet understand.23

“You were right, everything you said. We have to leave now, stay with me, they still think I’m one of them, we can leave.24

I opened the door, bringing Tropicana with me. We began walking through those halls. The horrible, white halls. The symbols of oppression, of lies. Oh those WALLS! I hated them as they stared at me with disapproval. I could see it in their eyes. But they were part of the system. Suddenly, I began to run, taking Tropicana with me. We reached the door, the exit, freedom. 25

“Woah woah, what do you think you’re doing? You can’t take him out of here!” The guard tried to stop us.26

“He is being released on grounds that he is sane.27

“Do you have the release forms? The warden needs to approve any release before I-“28

I punched him. Hard. I connected with the side of his head. I opened the door and when I did sirens began to go off, I saw the gates at the perimeter close. They were trying to squeeze us. It was a hot day, and they were thirsty. The warden stepped out.29

“Boys, take them both in.”30

“No! Wait! Wait! He’s not crazy, he’s an orange, we’re all oranges, you have to listen to me! Please!...31

The guards injected a powerful sedative into Dr. Renfield and Mark Naranja and carried them both to separate padded rooms, the warden just shook his head. He really thought that this time he had found the right doctor for his toughest patient. 32

“Hello? Dr. Cedar, yes. I was wondering if you might come down here. I have a patient that I think might interest you. A real tough case, I think a man such as yourself would really be able to do some good here...”