The clouds thicken and a roar of thunder is heard. He stands there with a smile on his face…looking down on the ones that he had killed. He remembered that once brilliant scene where that blade slashed through their weak armour. He brought them away out of all the pain, the pain that they lived everyday.1
The clouds opened and let the tears of the angels fall. He thought he was alone now, but he wasn’t. In the shadows stood a figure. As he turned to face them he thought to himself…how dare this person come to him for away out, for the only thing that he could give them. 2
He raised his blade and walked slowly towards the figure. As he came closer to them he was surprised that the figure did not run and hide like the others did. They stood tall over him and made him remember the one that could make him fall on his knees, the one that could make him stop the killing…but that was impossible as that person was dead…. He held her when she died; he felt the growing coldness of her body and heard the silencing of her heart….3
He held his blade high ready to strike into the person’s heart… but the figure drops to their knees and the hood of the cloak falls… it is she the living dead!! He steps back quickly and drops his blade…how can this be…how can this be…her face now white as snow and her hair now black as the night…. she looked up at him with those once brilliant eyes…he saw the pain within them… It’s not her he screams and takes his blade one more time and this time he does not stop…4
But what is this… the one he thought was her… was just another human looking for a way out.5
Author notes
hmmm...i don't know....the poem king of shadows wrote by -crownless- inspired me to write this...i wrote this for him...when we were talking...but i don't know anymore...god am confused
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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yeah i was trying to get the effect as if you where hearing it being read to you, but i don't think i managed to get it. thank-you for commeting and i will try to use ... less often
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As for what to call it, I am at a loss myself. But if you continue to write on it, I'd like to read more. It is an intriguing beginning, and I should like to know where everything is going.
Do you want suggestions on this work? Critically, I would suggest that you use ... less often, because if you overuse it, the effect becomes dulled. I myself struggle with this a bit, I love ....
Is this written to be read as one would tell a story? I love the description that you use, and the way that it reads, I feel as if I should be reading it aloud to someone.
Edited on Feb 22, 12:43 because ''. -
thank-you so much....am surprised you liked it...i'll check out ur work and i'll let you know...what i think
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i will i promise...thanks for the comment
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wow this is really good. got me hooked.... another chapter of this quality writin would be well worth the read! umm check out my stuff and let me know what u think?
illusions x -
Good LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WRITE MORE
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