Living in Blue

Indigo, what a stupid name. My mother decided to become connected with her native american roots. How the hell did she get Indigo out of that? I know it suits me. A different shade of blue, a different kind of sadness. But I can end it, no longer blue but red. In the end we all end up dead. 1

Nothing in life seems to go right. I pray and I try. Every thing just passes me by.I wanted to be the best. Now my mother just believes I 'm depressed. Why can't she understand when she lived in baby blue I lived on the edge of black. How my soul is suspended in midair trying to fight the pain. Once again my efforts are in vain. I shall live up to my name. 2

So as the the blade goes deeper into my flesh, I feel blessed. I will no longer live in blue. I can tell her its not me but you. For every day that was gray where she passed me. Never saying it wasn't my fault. He died and I felt the blame. She scorned me by never speaking his name. She must not realize we share the same pain. 3

So as it feels so good, I know I've gone to far. The blood keeps coming. I don't want to die. Will no one hear my cries. The bathroom is bloody, the blade has slipped from my hand. I feel no pain now in this blackness. "Indigo n-noooooo.... my baby, please not my baby......." I think thats mommie's voice. I should tell her not to be sad. This is what she wanted. I get to see him now, we'll be happy. 4

"Ma'am I need you to stand back now" I wonder who that is. Does he know I 'm not blue anymore? I don't like red, no more colors now their sad. 5

(She feels nothing, she is adrift far from home and wants to come back.) 6

"DDDDDDDDDD-oooon't leave!!!!!" I 'm awake? "I'm awake!!!!!!!!!! mommie I awake I don't want to leave!!" I awake she here. Where here is I don't care. I'm not blue she's not green, we're no color in between."Baby I don't want you to leave" and we cry.7