“Okay, Class. Today in Biology we’re going to be studying cells.”1
I can’t believe I have to teach these peons who don’t know the difference between a paramecium and an amoeba.2
“It’s going to be a really exciting day: We’re going to watch a new movie!”3
Like they really care anyway, and new movie my foot. The school bought this sucker in the seventies and half the stuff in it is wrong. I have such a killer headache: If we don’t turn all the lights off today I’ll show them a cell.4
“Can everyone pass up his homework? I’m sure all my little scientists had a lot of fun with it last night.”5
Ha! Wes didn’t do his homework again; that’s okay, I was going to fail him anyway. His pants are always at half-mast, and he didn’t bring me a Christmas card. Can’t believe they outlawed corporal punishment: I could fix his pants in a few seconds with the staple gun in my drawer.6
"Ali, please spit out that gum. You know I don't allow it in class."7
What is the difference between a girl chewing gum and a cow chewing cud? The cow looks more intelligent. 8
“Now while you are all watching the movie, I’m going to be grading your lab journals. No need to worry though, I’m sure you all did a great job.”9
Claire, F…Molly, F…Amanda, F…Brooke, A, and that twenty dollars she slipped me is going to buy a new copy of Biology for Dummies.10
“Since I know you all love taking notes, tomorrow’s class will be a lecture. Don’t forget to bring your notebooks and pencils.”11
I hate lecturing these little imbeciles: What do they know about biology? I’m just going to make up everything anyway. Like there really is something called an organelle. Riiiiight, and we’re all made up of little ‘cells.’ The Easter Bunny is coming next week too, kids. They don’t care; I tell them whatever I want to. They’ll never know the difference: I’ll just throw in a lot of big words and then change it all for the test.12
“Christian, can’t you wait until break to go to the bathroom? This is exciting stuff!”13
Christian, can’t you wait until your next class to bug that teacher? This is boring stuff, but I don’t want to have to monitor how long you’re in there. Honestly, they have bladders the size of walnuts, little cretins. 14
“Alright, it’s almost time to go, so get your books together and come prepared for a fun-filled class tomorrow.”15
Gather your useless books and come prepared to stare blankly tomorrow. That’s all you do anyway. Sometimes you vary it though: A few of you stare blankly and drool.16
“Don’t forget to look over the material we covered today. I promise it will all be on the test.”17
Well it will be on the test, but I’ll change all the vocabulary and maybe even throw in some history questions. Who cares? I’m going to fail all of you anyway.18
DingDong19
“Okay, I’ll see all of you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning!”20
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Ha! Squirrels on narcotics, that’s what that is. I wish I were on narcotics: It might ease the pain of watching you sheep wander the hallways and classrooms. Baaaaaa, baaaaaaaaa. Useless.21
Author notes
I can’t believe I have to teach these peons who don’t know the difference between a paramecium and an amoeba.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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:)
:-D !!! Thats what my teacher is like! The whole thing was funny! -
great write
this is a very well written story.
You have to wonder whether that is actually what teachers think.
Of course they were once children too.
Wait now I'm confused.
Oh well very well written story.
Keep penning -
Fabulous!!
Hahahaha!
This is fantastic! Absoloutely hilarious. I'm sure all of it is true, I've always had this vision of all the teacher gathered around in the staff room, throwing darts at pictures of their students and chewing on the confiscated gum. Thank you so much for the laugh, you've really cheered me up.
Take care,
Laura xxx
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That was really funny!!! It amused me. And I actually read the entire thing, which is kind of unusual for me. Great job on this.
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Wonderful piece...the title caught my eye because I teach English and have really scary inner dialogues. Perhaps I'll write one up too. I loved the cow line - "What is the difference between a girl chewing gum and a cow chewing cud? The cow looks more intelligent." Thanks for a great read!
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great like frosted flakes
hahahahahaha yessss im in bio and i could see my teacher thinking something along these lines , this was halairious
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great job and i look forward to reading more of your work!
Cass -
Ha ha ha! I have a feeling that's how most of my teachers, if not all of them, were like. Not just the biology ones! Too bad I liked biology. I was probably the one snoozing in class because it was so boring. And drooling all over the notebook. Splendid write. I needed to read something like this. Very good job. Keep it up!
~CT -
I'm a Biology student, and it is boring! Haha...sounds just like my teacher. This is truly funny, (and I truly don't know the difference between a paramecium and an amoeba.)
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Hahaha that was amazing! lol gotta show my biology teacher xxxxxxxxxx
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This was funny I really needed it today
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I love it!!!!!!! I can't get enough of it. This is getting bookmarked, as well. I can't wait. I hated biology. I was the kid who gave all the smart-ass answers. Oh, I miss that and the projects that test more of my creativity than my intelligence. MUAH HA HA HA. There was also the disecting. My favorite! Gosh...I almost miss school....nah.
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life is like that...YAY!!!
FUNNI!!!! jajaja...FUNNI!!! wow...that was so like my biology teacher...it's kind of creepy...do you know her??? weeel...good job...i needed to laugh today...
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Absolutely wonderful! Your cynicism is hilarious, and your juxtapostitions of the thoughts, and words are wonderful. Terrific job!!!
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Hahah! I loved it! Biology is like one of my favorite classes ever!! I was in a crappy mood today, but reading this made me feel better! Thanks a ton!
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10/10
Ouch...lol. I'm in biology II right now...and i sleep through that class but my teacher is like 200 years old...and has hair in his ears, and owns a catfish farm on the side...i swear, he looks like catfish with his...evil wiskers. i hope you dont look like that...lol...anyhow...very good...i always see things from the perspective of a student..and never a teacher.
Very good although, it was a little negative.
Nicolene* -
woa x__x now I'm thinking what kind of crazy stuff is going behind my sadistic chem bio teacher's smile all that time he's teasing with us. A hilarious little write.....are you really a teacher?!
the bribe sounds pretty sweet... ^.~ -
THIS IS SO GREAT!! I laughed the entire time. The irony is just astounding. Even though you are speaking between the lines as the teacher, the reader knows your perspective is truly that of the student. I got a visual of the teacher standing in front of the class speaking his lines and you standing just behind him mimmicking and twisting everything he said. Very comical! This is quite an ingenius write! Thanks for featuring this! I would have hated to miss it. I needed that so much!!
Edited on Feb 16, 8:12 p.m. because 'misspelling'. -
Ahahaha! So true, but I've never met a biology teacher in my life before. I hope they aren't like that when I go to high school.
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I love it!! thats so true...and yah i drool
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Oh My that reminds me of my biology teacher. He's got a sense of humour, but some times you really wonder what he's thinking...now I don't think I'll see him the same way again. Funny write. Muchas amor ,Amanda
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awesome!
lol this makes mewonder lol thats what all my teachers really think, huh? just cuz i sit there and stare? haha well i DO know whats going on! i just dont show it all the time...haha anywayz, this was a really good write. it made me laugh! its great!!! -
that is a good one. Nice write
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And all that time I thought I was my Biology teacher's pet. What a let down!! LOL This is really cute and funny. Great job! Hugs, Patricia
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