Ebony Angel

Flat on my back heart pulsating weakly; I suffer in defiance refusing to admit I was in pain. Shivering inside I felt my feet, hands so cold like ice in January.1

In the corner of my room she stood. This reaper that collect old souls like mine. With a pleasing smile wearing her black hooded-dress; I reach for her hand.2

"Ease my pain," I uttered. "If this be my fate let me rest my head on your boney breast." Taking my hand within hers I felt the softness of this dark angel. Then she tenderly spoke sweetly, "welcome home."3

Author notes

I counted and I get 100 words....

A contest entry

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Comments


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    August 23

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    A touching piece. Lovely descriptions. I liked how you feminised the grim reaper as a less harsh 'dark angel'.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck.

  • trekkergirl gold member
    August 3
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    interesting. Reaper of okd souls... I like that

  • Brazos
    July 21

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    The dark angel visits again, as sometimes she must, and not infrequently, it is better to go with her than to stay here and suffer. Nice job loved one, very descriptive, really good when you consider the confines of the contest.

    I only have a couple of suggestions, in line 3 I would like a comma better than a period, thus: "hands so cold, like ice in January". In lines 4/5, "In the corner of my room she stood, the reaper that collects old souls like mine." Just my thoughts, use them or lose them as you wish .

    Excellent write, I hope it wins something, it deserves it.

    I love you,
    Brazos


  • juhi
    July 18

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    nice

    i think this a nice piece of story , you can create a very beautiful story from this. your discription is good and i m really eager to know what will happen next .so keep writing.

    . Rewarded 4