12 Kookaburra Court

"Alright here we are at the first house on our list" explained the real estate agent, Janet, "As you can see beautiful timber decking surrounds the house and some amazing, hand crafted carvings on the door. Step inside and you will see brand new polished timber flooring and freshly painted walls, feel free to look around i'll be here if you need me." My husband, Jim and I started to wander around when I noticed that Janet was standing just inside the door staring, as if she was waiting for something, it was very strange. I inspected the dining room while Jim took a look around the lounge even though all he wanted to do was look at the large shed that was down in the back yard.1

We progressed through the dining area and into the kitchen all the while Janet was still staring as if she expected something to happen. Jim didn't seem to take much notice of it but it seemed strange to me. The kitchen was large with plenty of bench space, a large pantry and a billion other cupboards. Jim, still eager to see the shed, decided he would test out the "Super-Dooper Food Disintergrater", well that's what he called it anyway. 2

I was finished in the kitchen and went back to the entryway to ask Janet if she would show Jim the shed before he breaks something, but as I approached the doorway I saw that Janet wasn't there anymore. I went back to the kitchen to ask Jim if he knew where she was but he had gone too. I proceeded down the hallway to the bedrooms searching for my husband, but he was nowhere to be found.3

Finally I decided that he had made his way to the sed, so I headed out the back door, down the stairs, along the path through the beautiful, lush garden and finally made it to the shed. I slowly opened the door. It creaked. The way it would in one of those horror movies. I stepped inside. It was dark. I ran my hand against the inside of the wall searching for the light switch. The flurescent bulb flickered for a moment then came on. I gasped, standing in the doorway, dumbfounded as I gazed upon my husbands body hanging by the neck from the roof of the shed.4

I screamed and turned to run but Janet was there, standing in the doorway, blocking my path. That's when I noticed, in her hand she held a large, shiny butchers knife. A small glistening drop of saliver slowly escaped from the corner of her mouth. I turned to run in the shed to grap something to defend myself with but the sight of my husband's limp and lifless body was too much to bear.5

I turned and once again was faced with Janet and the butcher's knife. I thought to myself "What good is life without Jim," and threw myself at her causing us both to fall to the ground. I crawled away as quickly as I could, hopeing that she would give up, but she didn't. She came at me, her eyes cold and dark. That's when I saw it, a shovel. It was lying on the grass about a metre to my left. I summond all my strength, reached for the shovel and thrust it at Janet's head.6

She fell. Blood was pouring from the side of her head, this was my chance. I bolted as fast as my legs would go. Through the lush garden. Along the path. Up the stairs. Through the house and into my car. I had made it. I was alive.

Author notes

Blondie - I am an Aussie and proud of it!!! (and yer 12 Kookaburra Court is a real house in my town so yer )

Mango's dance on the moon.

'Orange fountains leek gold carrots'

Pink Potato

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Violette silver member
    May 26

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    A little fast paced for my liking, but a great story just the same. It did indeed have brief sections of suspense. Great description and sentence structure. Thanx for entering.


  • VampireFriends
    February 2
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    There are several spelling and grammar errors here - I think you should re-read it at some point. I like the story, but mayeb it moves a little too fast?

    Well done, and thanks for entering!


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    November 24, 2008

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    This was freaky! I thought for such a short story it woundnt be any good, but you proved me wrong! this was a typo I picked up "had made his way to the sed, so I headed" I think you mean shed... Well done tho

  • Lady Michaella
    November 23, 2008

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    HOLYCRAP! I'm so scared! Omg im just about 2 go 2 bed n im so dam scared!!! this is dam brilliant. woa.. woa.. WOA


  • Celestial Rose
    November 15, 2008

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    Wow

    Kookaburra-thats cute. I love the story, its interesting, and I thought it was amazing. Its a great read.


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 15, 2008

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    I like it, it's very interesting and well written, I'm not really sure why Janet wanted to kill them, but not everyone has ultierior(I think I spelt that wrong) motives, so it was very good, I did notice a few simple tyops,

    paragraph 4, you wrote 'he had made his way to the sed' 'sed' is supposed to be 'shed' I believe.

    paragraph 6, you wrote 'It was lying on the grass about a metre to my left' 'metre' should be 'meter'

    But other than that, great job, and good luck in my contest.

    -Dani


    • GattonDweller
      September 16, 2008
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      yes it was meant to be shed... but the other one is correct, I am Australian and that's how we spell it


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 12, 2008

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    Very origianl, I believe that this is the first story I've read about a killer realestate agent. The end was unexpected adn the stoyr built up to it well. Nice job.

  • Jaye
    August 4, 2008

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    Wow

    This is the first story I've read on Story Write and it gave me chills! (that's a good thing).
    Can't wait to see more.

    Jaye


    • GattonDweller
      November 23, 2008
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      oh haha i liked this comment... till i knew it was bi-est (yer cant spell, get over it)

      • Jaye
        November 23, 2008
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        yer

        bi-est very funny

        no it seriously was the first story I ever read on storywrite


  • tallblondie gold member
    July 14, 2008

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    Interesting idea for a story. A killer real estate agent is definitely original - do you plan to make this longer?

    Keep writing and welcome to Storywrite!


    • GattonDweller
      July 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      No i don't plan to make it longer... i really don't know what else I could add. Any ideas?


  • Andyy
    July 12, 2008
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    ......

    wow...really good work cant wait for more

1 - 14 of 14