Our elaborate eternity1
is clouded by your mediocre excuses2
You imprison yourself in your human flaws3
Guilt plays in your beautiful, lifeless eyes4
Yet still I remain hopeful5
You'll let me be the one to liberate you6
The truth is the key to your prison door7
The truth that you can't see8
Bestow me with one chance to release you9
to let you see yourself for the first time10
Surround yourself in your light,11
let your warmth intensify12
You are the sun to me;13
Our eternity is closer than you think.
Author notes
Another poem, this time for a contest, where you're supposed to include at least 5 of the words. I included thirteen (if you count the title) and they are in italics.
A contest entry
- Lots of options, lots of points. by Forgotten Anomaly.
700 points, ended July 24, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme, gimme, gimme your best Poems & Stories! by Zerstort.
185 points, ended July 17, 2008, 95 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want to have fun. Lots of flexable options. by Talisa Tourniquet.
132 points, ended July 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I LOVE POETRY! by Sgs.
350 points, ended October 3, 2008, 118 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This slowed very well. I love the way you placed the words. Very nice and short. I wasnt bored. lol
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That was beautifully written. I really liked it. Good luck in the contest! I know you'll get far with this one. It holds a lot of meaning. It also flowed well. You are such an amazing writer.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
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When I put the poetry option into the contest I made sure to choose words that would force the writer to put thought into the poem instead of choosing simple words that could easily be combined into a simple, thoughtless peice writen in five minutes flat. I can tell that you put much thought into this poem and it really payed of. 13 words is a lot of words to work with yet still you managed to string them together in a wonderful way to make the peice seem truely thought provoking and emotional. I truely loved this poem and am glad you entered it into my contest.
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Thanks, I'm so glad you liked it! (Really, that brightened my day).
I've just recently started trying to get good at writing poetry and I worked very hard on this.
Thank you so much! (Again!)
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