3 little pigs

Once upon a time,1

There was a poor, dirty old pig called Gertrude. She had three piglets called Lucius, Brucious and Roberto. They lived happily in their little cottage until one day, poor Gertrude fell ill. She knew that her days were numbered so she said to her three piglets, 2

“Boys. You are all 12 now and are old enough to look after yourselves. So… GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR… NO… MY HOUSE. GO LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!!! LET ME DIE IN PEACE. I WANT 5 MINUTES QUIET TIME!!! GO MY DEAR ONES!!!”3

The tree piglets were shocked by their mother’s words.4

“I don’t like her anyway, she’s a fat pig!” shouted Roberto. 5

His brothers murmured in agreement.6

The next day, the three piglets packed their belongings and left their mother to die in peace. As they walked down the small, cramped lane by the woods, which was near their old home, they heard Gertrude call out,7

“AND STAY OUT!!! OH AND BY THE WAY, THERE’S A WOLF ABOUT!!! BE CAREFUL!!!” 8

The three piglets walked for days on end, well three days to be exact, without drawing any attention to themselves. On the fourth day, a man strolled past carrying a bundle of straw. Lucious ran over to the man and asked politely,9

“Please sir, can I please purchase some straw?”10

“Sure little pig. You can have it for half price.” The man replied.11

“Thank you sir. I’ll buy the lot.” Lucious cheered, happily.12

After purchasing all the straw, the man stumbled off into the distance. Lucious spun round to face his brothers and cried,13

“This is where I leave you. I am going to build a house out of this straw. Your welcome to visit whenever you want, but you will have to build your own homes out of whatever you can find. Good bye dear brothers.”14

“Good bye.” They shouted as they strolled into the distance.15

However, Lucious did not know what was going to hit him. In the bushes nearby, an evil creature was licking its hairy lips. All it wanted was to eat pig. It could taste this nourishment in his mouth. This was Lucious’ last night while the other two pigs slept a couple of miles away on the edge of the roadside.16

As Brucious and Roberto carried on walking, they stumbled upon an old man selling sticks.17

“I know! I shall make my house out of these sticks. Mine will be stronger than Lucious’ house,” exclaimed Brucious, jumping up and down.18

“Excuse me sir. Am I allowed some sticks? I don’t mind paying.” Asked Brucious.19

“That’ll be ten shillings for the whole lot.”20

“Deal”21

As the old man handed over the sticks, Roberto was staring at his brother.22

“This is where we part dear brother. Bye” Cried Brucious.23

“Bye.” Replied Roberto.24

While Roberto sat next to a tree near a small village, falling asleep, the big bad wolf knocked on the window of Brucious’ house.25

“Let me in, let me in, dear little pig.” Shouted the big bad wolf.26

“Not by the hairs on my chinny, chin, chin.” Replied Brucious.27

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down”28

So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down. Then he gobbled up little Brucious.29

When Roberto woke up, he was sweating to the bone. 30

“Oh how hot it is.” He moaned, “I wish I had a house.31

A minute later, a man came strolling by.32

“Oh little pig. You look so exhausted. Would you like to buy some bricks?” The man asked enthusiastically.33

“Yes please. Here. This is all my savings. I’ll take it all.” Replied Roberto.34

“A very fine deal.”35

The man handed over the bricks and Roberto set to work on building a house.36

That night when Roberto was about to fall asleep, a knock came from the door.37

“Little pig, little pig. Let me in.” Cried the Big Bad wolf.38

“Not on the hairs of my chinny chin chin.” Replied Roberto.39

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.”40

So the wolf huffed and he puffed. He huffed and he puffed. But the house made of bricks was to strong. The wolf howled and hid. 41

A couple of days later, Roberto thought: “I need my beard cut of.”42

So Roberto left his house and strolled down the street. On the way, Roberto bumped into a young man. 43

“Where are you going little pig?” asked the man.44

“I’m going to the barbers to have my beard cut off.” Replied Roberto.45

“I’m afraid the barbers are closed because of the lack of staff.”46

When the wolf heard this he put on a baseball cap and ran to the barbers. He applied for the job and he was put through strait away.47

Then Roberto walked past and saw that the barbers were open. He ran inside and asked 48

“Please may I have my beard cut off?”49

“Yes” answered the wolf.50

So the wolf sat Roberto on the chair. Then he started cutting the beard. After he had finished he pulled the cap off and said51

“This is my revenge.”52

Roberto struggled as the wolf tied him to the chair. The wolf cut Roberto’s throat and gobbled him up. 53

He ran out of the barbers shop and was never seen again.54