I Keep My Virginity in a Can of Diet Coke (ch 7)

The problem of getting ready to go to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night after sneaking out of your house is that you have no idea what to wear. I want to stay in my pajamas more than just about anything right now, but i just can't because Russell is going to show up, throw me in the back of a car, and take me out. 1

Yeah, he's my best friend, but he drives me a little bit crazy sometimes.2

I pull on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt over my boxers and tank top then shove my feet into a pair of tennis shoes that I can wear comfortably without socks. Then I sneak out of the house and wait on the back porch for my dear friend to show his face...or at least until I hear his car.3

Luckily enough, Russell has the sense to leave the Camaro and the big brown turd of a Ford at his house and has opted to drive the nice quite Datsun. Good boy. I hop over the fence and start to go for the passenger seat but then realize that particular spot has been occupied. By Mike.4

Great. Another ex. Just what I need.5

I crawl into the backseat and curl myself into as tight a ball as humanly possible when operating around a seatbelt. 6

"Hey, Kate!"7

Russell's voice sounds too annoying and excited to even be real right now so I reply with a very quiet, very sullen "Hey" and turn my back to the window so that I can put my feet more comfortably up on the seat.8

We drive away from my house in silence because I've decided that I really am a horrible person, especially if I'm treating my best friend who just came to my emotional rescue, so badly. The silence almost audibly thickens once I reach this conclusion. It stays in that obscure, thick, tense mood for two seconds too long and then Mike chimes in.9

"What is this I hear about you being a terrible person?" He says. He actually turns around in his seat so that he's looking at me in the eye and his intense, questioning gaze is nearly more than I can stand. First of all, I'm mad. And his eyes have always been able to suck the anger out of me. Second of all, I just want him to hold me. And that isn't really an option at this point in time.10

I yell and rant under the pressure of his gaze about David and what he had said to me and how I just couldn't bear to live with myself because I was so obviously not fit to tread human soil. By the time i finished, I found myself in the parking lot. Great, now into Wal-Mart. The store that I usually try to avoid at all costs.11

But in through the door I go, anyway.12

Mike and Russell and I make a show of wandering the aisles looking around to find absolutely nothing. The boys talk about a wrench set for a little while that they think they want to buy, use one of the wrenches out of, put it back all nice and neat, and then bring it back in for a refund. Whatever.13

I'm still fairly broodish and not laughing at much and walking just a couple steps behind the guys for the most part. And then Mike looks back at me. He actually stops dead in his tracks, says "Come here" and opens his arms out to me. I don't even think that my brain had time to process, let alone hesitate at the invitation. I just take the couple steps to close the distance and fall into his embrace. It's a good hug. The kind that everyone wants when they aren't feeling at their best. And it lasts. For a long time. 14

Russell says nothing during or after the embrace. He just stands off to the side and behaves himself, which is not something that I have come to expect of Russell. We walk out of the store in a very comfortable quiet, Mike walking very close next to me, and I feel more comforted than I have in a very, very long time. 15

All of a sudden, Russell veers to the right, turns back to us with a grin and says, "How about a Diet Coke?" 16

Right after that phrase is uttered, Mike bursts out laughing and I can't contain my laughter either. We all practically fall to the floor laughing because we are just so relieved to finally be this joyous together again. Of course, the story of the Diet Coke and my virginity being kept in a can of it has been told many times and continues to be the butt of every other joke between my family and the two boys I find myself with.17

Once our laughter finally subsides a little, I straighten up, look at Russell and say, "A Diet Coke would be great."18

Mike actually gets to the machine first and sticks some loose change into it. He pushes the button for my Diet Coke and we all watch the can fall to the door that we can collect it in. Mike reaches out and grabs the can.19

I take it gladly and open it to begin drinking down the glorious bubbles that i so often associate with joy and happiness. Mike asks for a drink and I hand the beverage over without a second thought. He takes a gulp then holds up the can.20

"Ha!" He exclaims while looking me in the face. "I just drank your virginity!!!"21

"No you didn't."22

"Oh, yes I did."23

"Oh, really? How do you know that it's in that can?"24

"Well, because I've looked in all the others!"25

I'm once again sent into a fit of hysterics that I can barely control until I get home. Sneaking back into the house while trying to supress your giggles is a lot harder than sneaking out while you're so mad you don't want to make a sound anyway.26

I curl up happily in my bed, still smiling and feeling much better about myself.27

You know what? I don't think that it's going to be bad having Mike around. Nope, I don't think that it's going to be bad at all.