I still remembered that night well... 1
I was only 10 when I was kidnapped by a horde of newborn vampires. They took me to their base, a underground boiler room. An older vampire sat in his plushed chair on the second floor of the boiler room. His crimson eyes stared at me with an amused expression. "Welcome Darla, please, have a seat." He said gesturing to a recliner. "wh-wh-who are y-y-you?" I managed to stammer out. But the vampire just smirked, showing his brilliant white teeth. "Please, sit DOWN." he repeated. I stared at the vampire. "no." I finally answered. the vampire's eyes turned coal-black. "Bring her into the lab room, NOW" He snarled at the newborns. Before I knew it, Strong hands held me down as thick ropes binded around my body. 2
After I got carried into a somewhat yellowish white experimental lab room. The newborn vampires pushed me into a chair and unbinded the ropes. As they went to the storage room to put away the ropes I decided this was a good time to escape. But the plan failed just two seconds later as I got on my feet. The big Vampire held my shoulders and firmly pushed me back down in my chair. "Hush, Darla" He whispered in my ear "Calm down, it'll just be a quick experiment and you'll be back home with your dear mummy in no time." A shiver went down my spine and his hard stone-cold hands finally rested on my cheeks. "Merl!" He called to his assistant. A young (around 25 year old) vampire scurried across the marble floor and stood next to his master. "Yes, my lord?" He whimpered, obviously also afraid of this senior vampire. "Fetch me experiment 888." ordered the big vampire, his crimson eyes still staring at me. In less than a minute, Merl had returned with a small perfume bottle that contained a odourless brown liquid. 3
The big vampire turned to me. "Do you know what this is, Darla?" He smiled evily, "This is the key to human-vampires." As if on cue, all the newborns gathered around me and pulled me into the chair so that there was no way for me to struggle, to move, let alone escaping. The big vampire advanced towards me, taking off the cap to the bottle, He poured the liquid down my throat until not one single droplet was left in that tiny perfume bottle. 4
The liquid burned my throat like fire, it travelled all the way down to my heart and destroyed only half of it, unlike my other internal organs which were burned up into ashes. My eyes turned from brown to a birhgt gold (at least that sill meant I was a good person, not like the big vampire-crimson red eyes) There was nothing inside of me anymore, Just half a heart, making me still a human. A human vampire.5
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Chapter two is coming up soon7
sorry there aren't any illustrations, I didn't have enough time to draw them
Comments
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Hi and welcome to SW. You are certainly blessed with a talent I hope you continue to use
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I enjoyed this opening and see potential for a much longer piece.
This story idea is unique, I don’t think I have seen it before. You have a nice gift for plotting and the part you’ve given us moves along smoothly.
Your dialogue complements the activity taking place.
You do need some editing (then don’t we all
).
Keep in mind that each speaker gets his or her own paragraph even if it’s a single word.
"Merl!" He called to his assistant.
A young (around 25 year old) vampire scurried across the marble floor and stood next to his master. "Yes, my lord?" He whimpered, obviously also afraid of this senior vampire.
I look forward to reading more of your story.
Geri


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Welcome to StoryWrite
A good start.
You might consider making your font a bit larger. Many of us have a very hard time reading tiny print online.
You have the beginning of what could become a very interesting story.
Keep writing and again, welcome to the site

