Just as the bustling streets of Pyro became crowded with people heading home, there was a large sonic boom. As soon as the boom rang throughout the city the busy streets were quickly emptied in a blink of an eye. There was only one creature on the entire planet of Paradia that could frighten this city of dragoons into such a state of panic, the tremendous Lunar Glider.1
Dragoon Knights began to hide along the streets as they waited for the massive dragon to land before making any other moves. Even though they would outnumber the Glider a thousand to one, the large dragon was still five times as large as all of them combined.2
Suddenly another sonic boom sounded as the Glider began its descent down to the city. As it got closer to the city the shear force of the winds from it wings toppled buildings. Its landing was felt by people for many blocks around. Without a second thought, the knights leapt out at the massive beast from every direction, hoping to take it down fast and quickly before it could react.3
“You are all fools’’ roared the dragon as it sent hurricane strength winds at the attacking knights.4
The winds sent the knights hurtling into nearby buildings and not a single one got up. Many of them had died, some badly hurt, and others not wanting to die just laid there. The Glider roared in triumph, shattering all of the glass windows in the city.5
“Is there anyone that can beat me?” shouted the Glider as he began to topple over buildings.
“ I can, and I will stop you once and for all” shouted a young man stepping out from his hiding place.6
Shivers ran down the Glider’s spine as he saw who had said it. It was not shivers of fear, but excitement. He stood face to face with what the people of Paradia called the Cursed Ones.
-The Cursed Ones as most of the people of Paradia knew them as ,were a rare species of humanoids called the Keye(Key). They where known as the Cursed ones due to there childlike strength and there knack for getting into trouble. Even though they had weak physical strength it was considered a feat to kill one. For what they lacked in physical strength they made up in mental strength and are masters of dark and light magic, making them extremely hard to kill. Many who fight them ended up cursed themselves, and their lives are cut to a fourth of what it would have been-7
“It will be a pleasure, to be one of the few to kill your kind” roared the Dragon as he lashed out
“ Same here” replied the Keye as he jumped up above the dragon as he began gathering up elemental energy.(The source of a Keyes’s magic)8
The Glider’s tail came up and smacked the Keye to the ground. The Keye had been smashed down into the sewers from the tremendous force of the Gliders tail. The Keye slowly climbed out of the sewer, where the glider was waiting for him, as it lashed out it jaws at him.
The Glider’s teeth sunk into the Keye, or what at least appeared to be the Keye. Suddenly there was a loud boom as the Keye exploded. The flames leapt at the Glider’s eyes blinding him. As the Flames blinded the glider, the real Keye jumped out of the sewers, and unleashed a typhoon punch on the Glider. The punch landed squarely on the neck, causing the jugulars to rupture, along with snapping the neck bone.
The Keye had won, but the explosive replica, and the typhoon punch had consumed much of his energy. Without another word the Keye left, and headed out of the city.9
The dragoons laid in their hiding spots for a few minutes stunned at what they had saw, from a Cursed One, and the death of the Glider. As the Keye reached a hill on the outskirts of the city, he collapsed from exhaustion. It was a bad place for him to blackout, as many dangerous creatures laid in the forest only a few hundred feet away.10
Chapter 211
Hours passed, by as day turned to night, and still the Keye remained unconscious. Dangerous creatures began to stir in the nearby forest as the last ray of light vanished. Luckily for the Keye a group of Dragoons had stationed there selves between the hill where he laid, and the forest.12
As the Dragoons begun to drift off to sleep, a mist like creature began to appear on the edge of their camp. The Dragoons where quickly reacted, even in there tired state as it transformed into a Lunar glider. The ran wildly not paying attention as they ran into their tents and each others. As the Dragoons fled they left one of their own injured, and unable to escape from the ferocious beast.13
-back on the hill-
“Where is the screaming coming from” asked the Keye to himself as he got up and stretched
As the Keye turned to the forest, all he saw was the mist like creature hovering over the injured dragoon. He saw the creature as what it was, as he saw through the illusion.
The Keye took out a flash bomb from his weapon pouch, and placed it near his mouth as he blew a small flame to ignite it’s fuse. With a quick toss it went hurting ten feet up into the air above the creature before it blew up.
The night sky light up as bright as the middle of the day. The creature illusion was broken, as the light broke through the illusion, revealing it’s true form.
Author notes
*-The Cursed Ones as most of the people of Paradia knew them as ,were a rare species of humanoids called the Keye(Key). They where known as the Cursed ones due to there childlike strength and there knack for getting into trouble. Even though they had weak physical strength it was considered a feat to kill one. For what they lacked in physical strength they made up in mental strength and are masters of dark and light magic, making them extremely hard to kill. Many who fight them ended up cursed themselves, and their lives are cut to a fourth of what it would have been-
chapter 2 http://storywrite.com/story/217034
A contest entry
- Are You A Good Writer? PROVE IT!! by Miss Hanako Cullen.
450 points, ended July 27, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short stories 700 or less by Reaver.
170 points, ended July 22, 2008, 39 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What Is Perfection? by Frozen Angel.
225 points, ended July 20, 2008, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
So what do you think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Lovely!
Its a very nice story! You've got a great Idea going here, and It is going to go very far with it I hope, because I thin kit was marvelous. I just love reading about dragons and elemental powers and the like, and I am definetly going to keep watch for the next part of this story.
I spotted a few punctuation mistakes and a few spelling ones, too, but no one is perfect. Good job, and keep up the good work! -
I liked it!
You've got a pretty good story here! -
Coool, great story. I like the name the Cursed Ones, and that what they lack in physical strength they make up for in mental.
So both the Lunar Glider and the Keye control the elements? Or was the dragon restricted just to air and maybe fire?
I can't wait to check out Chapter 2, you finished it in a good place for suspense.
Kind of randomly (you can ignore this) It would be a weird twist if the Keye and Lunar Glider were related. This thought just popped into my mind as they both control magic. -
wow
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alright, this was actually pretty good. but i have to say, it's a pretty factualistic (yes, i made up a word) style of prose. you just tell it like it happened. i think this could be a lot better if you put some more humanity in it. one of the hardest things to learn to do is to add life to your stories. you have to describe things. try to spice it up. one good way to do this is to make sure you cover all of the five senses. don't just tell us what happened, tell us how it felt, smelt, looked, tasted, and sounded. don't just say "it blew flame", say what the flames looked like, how they felt, how they smelled. something like "it blew out a stream of white-hot fire. the smell of sulfer and arsenic filled the air. the flames scoured the ground, incinerating all they touched. a wave of pure heat slammed into the villagers." see the difference? this story was great, but maybe you should spend some time imagining yourself in the place of several of the characters. put yourself in the shoes of the dragoons, the dragon, and the keye. elaborate on what they experienced and thought when encountering the various events of the story. i think you'll find the story will be better for it. just some friendly advice. but regardless of that advice, the story still rocked. good job!
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Overall this is quite good even though it's not something I would normally read. Reconsider The source of a Keyes’s magic) - I think this could be elaborated and the use of brackets kind of makes this look like an afterthought...
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Cool
Hey man,
Looks like its going somewhere awesome, can't wait for the rest!!!... A few spelling errors, and a few gramatical errors, but hey, who's perfect right?
Dragons aren't really my thing but i would be interested in reading the rest of this story.
Great use of description I could really picture what was going on!
Overall, awesome! Can't wait for more, and you are one very tallented writer!
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Couple spelling issues, but thats small compaired to the overall story You did very well with this and though dragons aren't my thing, Thanks for entering I enjoyed it!
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wow, this is pretty good. i enjoyed it, though there's a typo in the first paragraph. it says dragoons, not dragons. anyway, i thought it was good, and very descriptive. nice work, check a little grammar, and keep at it!
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The Word Dragoon is right, it is not meant to be Dragon. It is a Mythical being with ablities over dragoons, and some charastics of a dragoon, such as wings. Real Dragoons where the riding regiments of the british army
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Fairly interesting beginning with paragraphs 1 and 2.
With the introduction of the Cursed ones on 'graph 7 it seems the story slows down a bit as you go into explanation mode. Your punctuation suffers in 'graph 8 as you completely forego periods at the end of sentences.
Hmm...this is a pretty decent beginning here, but you need to do some revision to clean it up a bit. The punctuation errors should not happen. I really like this idea, however, and am looking forward to seeing more of this as you continue your story.
Good luck in the contest -
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Thanks for pointing out what i need to do. I will try to finish revising it by the end of today
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