A Question of Survival

Paul was sitting on a folding chair in the high school gym, wearing his pajamas. The gym was filled with rows of men like him. Only men, there were no women, no children, no one who looked younger than about sixteen. Most of them were also dressed for bed and all of them seemed as groggy as he was.1

He had woken to a strange smell in his bedroom, a sticky, sweet smell like a cheap air freshener. He knew he should have done something, but instead he just sat in his bed, looking at Anne, his wife, and she had just looked at him, until the soldiers came and took them away.2

They had just let the soldiers lead them away, had let the soldiers separate them. They knew what was happening, but as much as they hated it, they could not resist. That was the way the gas affected people.3

Paul wondered if Anne was somewhere else, somewhere filled with rows of women instead of men. He prayed nothing worse was happening to her. 4

The soldiers were all young men. Most seemed around twenty. They did not wear actual uniforms, they were revolutionaries, but they were all dressed the same, green camouflage hunting pants and green tee-shirts. 5

One of them pounded the end of his rifle on the floor to get their attention and shouted, "Listen up, people. Stay in your seats until one of us comes for you. Do not talk. Do not stand up. Do not move around. And if any of you need to use the restrooms..." The soldier paused and looked around the room with a sneer. "...keep sitting where you are unless its very important to you to die with clean underwear."6

No one stood up. If anyone had wanted to, the gas would have inhibited them, but they also knew what would happen if they did. The soldiers had guns and a cold look in their eyes that said they would not hesitate to shoot anyone who disobeyed them.7

A soldier stopped in front of Paul and pointed his rifle at him. "You. Get up and follow me."8

Paul did as he was told. The soldier led him out of the gym, down the hall and motioned for him to stop outside the principle's office. From where he was standing, Paul could look into the office and see one of the soldiers seated behind the desk. He was dressed the same as the others, but the way he sat there, the way he spoke, left no doubt he was their commander. He was questioning someone Paul could not see.9

"Okay, here's the big question. Is consciousness real or is it an illusion?"10

The unseen man said, "What? You want to discuss that? That hardly seems relevant."11

Paul was surprised by the question as well. He would have expected them to question their prisoners' political standing, their views on the environment, maybe even ask if they recycled, but not debate philosophy.12

The commander was much older than the other revolutionaries. The top of his head was bald, but below that his hair was gray and long, pulled back and tied in a tail. Some of the soldiers had the thin, carefully trimmed beards young men wore, but the commander had one that was thick and bushy. He itched it as he replied to his prisoner.13

"It's a very important question, whether you think so or not. Now, what's your answer."14

"It's an illusion, of course."15

"You're certain of that?"16

"Very certain. It's the only valid conclusion an educated person can reach."17

"Why do say that?"18

"We know the universe consists of elementary particles and the forces that cause them to interact. What we call consciousness is just a particularly complex set of those interactions. While we can not yet describe them in detail, we know in principle they can be understood. When we can, even those who still hold the naive view that consciousness is something more than the activity of physical particles will be forced to admit it is only an illusion."19

The commander considered this for a moment. "Okay, then that's your answer." He wrote something on a sheet of paper, then held it up. A soldier took it, then led the prisoner out of the office. "Send in the next one."20

Paul stepped in and stood in front of the desk. The commander took another sheet from a stack and asked, "Name?"21

"Paul."22

The commander looked at him impatiently, "Last name?"23

"Fedders. Paul Fedders."24

"And do you think consciousness is an illusion or is it real?"25

Paul wondered if this was some kind of intelligence test. He tried to think of a answer that would sound well thought out, but he was too frightened to think well. He just blurted out, "Real."26

"Why do you say real?"27

"Because I'm conscious."28

The commander wrote on his sheet and said, "That's enough. Take him away."29

The soldier that was guarding Paul took him to one of the classrooms. It seemed to have been turned into a makeshift clinic. There was a gurney in the center of the room and two men in green scrub suits. One of them took the paper from the guard, read it, then looked at Paul.30

"Don't be worried, Paul. This is a very simple, routine procedure. You'll have a local anesthetic for it. Before you leave, I'll give you a prescription for something to fight any infection and handle the pain."31

"What are you going to do to me?"32

The doctor looked at the soldier guarding Paul and shook his head. Then he turned back to Paul and said, "No one told you? You'll be having a vasectomy."33

"Why? You can't do that! Anne and me, that's my wife, we're going to have kids. I wasn't quite ready yet. Anne was, but I said we should wait little. Don't you understand?"34

"Of course, I understand, Paul. It's natural to want to have children. That's the problem. Too many people want to have children, so we end up with too many people, far more than the earth can handle."35

"I'm not stupid!"36

"No one thinks you're stupid, Paul."37

"But that's why you picked me, isn't it? I goofed on that consciousness question. Now, you think I'm stupid and you're sterilizing the stupid ones, because they'd have stupid kids."38

Paul wondered if Anne had passed the test. He hated to admit it, but he hoped she failed it, too. He did not want to imagine what would happen if she was still fertile and he was not. He could not help her raise someone else's child. Would she leave him for someone who could give her children?39

"You have it wrong, Paul. You did fine with the question. It wasn't about intelligence."40

"Then what was it for?"41

"Well, there was a disagreement in the movement between those of us who supported sterilization and those who thought a more immediate reduction in population was necessary. The question was a compromise, a way of separating those we would sterilize and..."42

"...and the people you'd kill!"43

"Yes, but they're not actually people."44

"What! Of course, they're people! You can't kill people just because you don't like how they answer a dumb question."45

"Stay calm and think about it for a moment. What is consciousness? It's the ability to experience, isn't it? So if consciousness did not really exist, you would not be able to experience anything. If consciousness was an illusion, you wouldn't experience something you thought was consciousness, but wasn't. No, you would just be a body that just acted like it was conscious, that just acted like it was having experiences."46

The doctor continued, "So you see, Paul, only someone who wasn't really conscious, who didn't experience anything, could actually believe consciousness was an illusion. If they don't experience anything, they're not really people and the world's too crowded to have room for bodies who act like people, but aren't."47

"Maybe those people don't really mean what they say. Maybe they just say it's an illusion because they think it makes them sound smarter."48

"It's always dangerous to say things you don't really mean, Paul."49

After the operation, Paul went home. He wanted to go and look for Anne, but he had no idea where she might be and if he was not at home, she would not know where to find him.50

The hours passed slowly and all he could do was wait. He knew Anne was a real person, he was certain of that. She had to give them the right answer. Maybe she had been picked last. Maybe the operation took longer for women than it did for men. That must be why it was taking so long.51

It was getting dark out, but the only light in the house was from the television. There was nothing on but coverage of the revolution. Paul had it on more to keep him from thinking than anything else. There was a noise at the door and when he opened it, Anne was standing there. They hugged each other and cried. Life was going to be very different than they had planned, but at least they were still together.52