From the Back of Cack (Prologue)

‘Cack’ may sound like an odd name for my dad’s motorcycle, and, admittedly, it is.1

Cack is a 1990 Honda Pacific Coast. That won’t help any reader who has never seen one of these fine machines, I guess. It was at one time red, but is now covered in high-visibility orange paint. This only serves as a base for multiple bumper stickers. Most of these boast the names of country music singers, western towns, etc.2

On the back, a plastic chest (that cost nineteen dollars at the hardware store) is attached with the handle from a barbecue grill. The turn signals of a school bus are also proudly displayed on the back.3

It is a fitting name, as you can see, and my father, Vermin, is nearly as odd as the bike.4

I say this lovingly, however. My dad is six feet, four inches tall, and his life is much like that of a Christmas tree ornament.5

By that I mean that he sits in a box (or cubicle) for fifty weeks of every year. He is allowed out of the box for only two weeks. For these fourteen days, both the ornament and my dad serve their main purpose in life; for and ornament, it is to hang from a tree, and for my dad it is to take motorcycle trips.6

Motorcycle Trips. 7

I hate that term. It is too plain, too un-glorifying. From now on, I will call these excursions what they should be called—Excellent Adventures.8

Anyways, dad always leaves home on these excellent adventures and returns home, refreshed and revitalized. His morale is raised greatly (raised enough, at least, to keep him alive for fifty more weeks in the box.)9

For over thirteen years I have aspired to accompany him on an excellent adventure. One day, after it had been decided that he would, in fact, blow my mind with and excellent adventure (or attempt to), he came home from the cubicle and began to speak. I could tell by the tone of his voice, and by his vague hand gestures, that he had an amazing idea that day.10

“The way I see it, motorcycle trips are only half fun. You will spend one week leaving the house, and that is the most fun a human can possibly have. The return journey, however, is just a weeklong commute back to work. What if we left home for two weeks, and returned home in a few hours.”11

“I don’t follow.”12

“What if we take Cack out to San Diego and leave it on the side of the road? We could take our time getting out there, and fly home.”13

“That sounds great.”