Killer Karl

Karl:
hey! SugarBaby you still there???? SugarBaby???1

2


I paused before replying. Ever since I started messaging this guy two weeks ago strange things have been happening. Love letters in the mail, wierd phone calls, the feeling someone is watching me. And now? Now as soon as he messages me the phone rings. When I answer all I hear is loud breathing and it ends with me yelling into the phone, "WHO IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU?" And then there is always the click telling you the creepy breathing guy has hung up. Maybe it was just a coincidence though, I think. So, of course, against my better judgement I reply to Karl.3

4

Sugar Baby:
hey Karl. wats up??5


Karl:
nothin much babe. just thinkin bout u6


Sugar Baby:
wat about me??7


Karl:
your green eyes.8


I never told this guy my eyes are green! How does he know this? The best thing to do is just get off the computer, I tell myself. I reach over and turn the computer off. I look at my phone and see it is past one o'clock in the morning, time for bed. I lay down when I notice something wierd, my window is open. But that window is always locked! Something is wrong here!9


"Hello Sugar Baby, or can I call you by your real name, Elizabeth Tepes?" The voice comes from the shadows of my curtains.10

"Who are you? Why are you in my room?" I yell out in panic. Only to realize that they are both stupid questions. I know who it is and I know what he is here for.11

"Why, I'm Karl. Most girls when they meet me come to call me Killer Karl." His voice is almost in an eery whisper.12

"How are you here? You were just messaging me!"13

"Don't you love the I-Phone?" He replies, "It makes my job so much more easier. It makes you feel safe cause I'm only on the computer and then suddenly I'm in your room!"14

"Why are you hear?" I try to scream but he quickly covers my mouth with his rough hands.15

"Why, I'm here to cut your pretty green eyes out!"16

I try to scream again but it is muffled just like before. I know what is coming. My life is over...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Reaver gold member
    September 1, 2008

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    Creepy...and happens. This could definitely be something really great if you were to pick at it and detail it better. I found myself whatning to know what they talked about for two weeks, what his thoughts were, her thoughts were, all the small stuff. Thanks for entering..it was really creepy and great! Rian


  • EtherealButterfly
    August 25, 2008

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    if it were longer and had more details (like a description of her first meeting with Karl...what exactly the love letters said...you know stuff like that) I think this would be a very good story. For me it was a little too short, but it was good. I could tell that you're a very talented writer and some sentences within this piece shone! I hope you'll elaborate more on this story and if you do, please be sure to let me know!


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    July 23, 2008
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    Interesting, but short and nothing much happens. It's all one scene and happens so quickly that the reader can't get attatched to any character. The grammar is lax and the flow quite distrupted. It's a decent start, but I don't think it's done yet.

    Keep working. Thanks for entering the contest.


  • Intoxica
    July 22, 2008
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    i like the name Killer Karl.
    it seems like a good nickname.
    Loved the way you made Karl talk..."Why I'm here to cut your pretty green eyes out!"
    Sometimes i think the simple words of a someone with a small vocabulary works very well in dar/horror stories.


  • Rebel Rebel silver member
    July 21, 2008

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    I-Phone?

    I don't know what an I-Phone is. But really an interesting little short story ya got here. I like the ending. It is as it should be. We get what we get from who we get it from.


  • zoralielda
    July 18, 2008
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    This is really creepy.
    And more creepy.
    But well written.


  • lenore2010
    July 7, 2008

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    That was really, really creepy and disturbing. It really shows that people need to stop talking to people they don't know on the computer.

1 - 7 of 7