A Lock [7]

CHAPTER VII1

Ben wasn't around. He wasn't in the hay loft, or in the saddle room. I finally stopped looking and took a rope down. My hope was that the littler foal would learn to be led if I had Ben use a whip, although I generally wasn't one to use pain as a lesson.2

I heard the foal before I saw what was going on. He was thrashing with a strength that could have broken the fence to which he was roped. Ben was on the ground, holding to the halter, and a lady's long black hair flashed in the afternoon light. I slipped through the fence slats and ran down the hill. "Ben! What is going on? What in hell is going on?!"3

My apprentice didn't answer. The woman raised a tailor's scissors, which caught the sun. The colt whipped his neck away, hammering out with a hind hoof. I screamed at her. "You're ruining my horse! My charge!" She looked up at me, and I recognized her - Charmaine's witch. She flattened her shoulders and set her eyes on mine with fury. With the scissors she cut a little of the short milky mane, and the snip softly twined together in her fingers. Her eyes were sorry when she looked back up. "He will go to death," she stated. I put my hand on the pale little flank, out of habit. "What did y-" and my legs buckled. Looking down, I could see skin stripped from a slice in my right shin...a rope had been nicked by the sharp hoof. But my left knee was on fire with wrenching pain. The halter was ripped from Ben's hands and the foal fled. I stumbled back to the barn, both legs almost useless, and wouldn't let Ben help me. Idony walked beside us in the thin grass.4

The cut stopped bleeding once Ben pressed on it. But I knew something had to be broken about my knee - I'd never felt such awful pain. Ben said it was bruised, but couldn't feel a broken bone. I was helpless with the agony, and no one knew what to do. Certain injuries just can't be treated.5

It was the hardest kick I'd ever had from a horse - and it had come from the smallest one I'd ever worked with. I spent the entire afternoon with my teeth clenched and tears in my eyes. Pretty soon my forehead was aching as well. I remember trying to sleep, then opening my eyes to evening coming in through stall windows. Ben brought a little food for me...all three of us slept in the stable that night. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk anywhere. 6

By morning a lot of the pain had left, but the knee was swollen and one little patch was colored purple. Ben said it wasn't broken, and I was beginning to think he was right. Charmaine's attendant remained with us, not helping or hurting. Well, at least not helping. She was standing, watching the pale foal steadily. All I could think was, she's killed my colt. Not even my colt, but the Baron Alexander's. And she had no right to cry about it.
"You are sure. To...you can be sure. It stretches. ...can't stop you now. You'll be all right until you hold on to anything." Now she was mumbling nonsense. I wanted her out. But I knew she was waiting for me to prove I wasn't hurt. So I stood up and unlocked the feed room door.7

8

Noai had the dishwater all ready for me that afternoon. I wasn't happy about losing my job waiting tables, but washing plates isn't as bad as it's made out to be. The people working in the kitchen are more decent, generally. The worst part was trying not to look like I'd been beaten. But after taking a look at the fresh bruises that Logi showed up with, I stopped worring. 9

Summer passes slowly when you're working with horses. I spent some time around Idony, and let her show me the little sanctuary-house where she met with two Hoods and a Pilgrim every other Friday. We kind of worked our way around to each other. Swam in the Trey together. One afternoon she told me a story. It was a strange but soothing story, and it told of the Stone Madonna - also called Blue Mary or Madonna-With-The-Lion. The Stone Madonna was the enemy of the lion, but they were both carved from stone and could not be alive. To become alive they had to travel together to the Clock-maker, whose house is built under the Equinox. I'd thought the equinox was a time and not a place, but I wasn't going to argue. Anyway, the lion and Mary were able to exist together, but only because of Mary's kindness. 10

Idony looked across at me and laughed a little dark laugh. "And then sweet Mary fell in love with the lion and played him a pipe-song, late in the dark, when he had lost his fight. The lion had never heard music like that. That's what he said."11

My eyes froze on the Trey river. "What was that for?" And I wondered how she knew.12

"Did he give you what you wanted?" the witch wanted to know. She ran her hand along her hip, rolled the ties of a soft black purse between her fingers.13

"I didn't want anything! Nobody heard me that night. What do you know?" 14

"Many people heard you," she corrected, surprised. "But nobody said anything." She nodded, guessing, but she knew she was right.15

I smiled twistedly and shook my head. "I'm not surprised. Especially if they didn't know that I..."16

"...That you played the song, because you're just the horse-keeper. Alexander thought it was lovely. I heard that he wants to know at least what the song was called."17

It has no name, I thought. And it won't ever, because there are no words in any language that mean anything to me besides the ones that just happened. 18

And then I felt fear. And then it did have a name.19

Have you ever wondered what you were doing? Ever seen yourself almost at the top and wondered for how long you've been falling already? I did. I couldn't see where I was walking because no one had come before me to clear it up. 20

Fear drove me. Have you ever wondered if you would be able to find yourself if the whole world looked alike? Fear drives me. I do penance. I name my child Mary. My husband dies, my freedom disappears, I lose. It's too late to go back and save myself.21

Too late to change things, but not too late to change. Forgive me for riding once, while the crowds around me wore down their own feet. I am glad to be a mother.22

Don't worry, this isn't the end.23

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