Goodbye...My Love

"Goodbye my love. However short our time was, and I know it may not seem like it now, but I loved you. From the first moment my eyes met yours I knew you were the one. The one I would cherish to hold while gazing into your cold green eyes. Your slender body seems to fit so well into my gloved hands that I simply can't help but hold you forever. Your skin sweats, even now, sweet nectar which I am tended to lick off your body, and often times I do. I know it seems like an obsession, and in many respects it may be, but how could I help it? 1

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"I can still remember what you were wearing when I first layed my eyes upon you. Slender, tight, jean pants with long brown boots, and of course, your brown turtle neck. A turtle neck that only you could make sexy because it elegantly showed off your curves. Curves that I was determinded to curess myself. And now as fate would have it. I have.3

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"You're beautiful. Long legs, short blond-hair, and as I've mentioned before, your entrancing green eyes. Those eyes that have now grown cold towards me. For this I am sorry. It is my fault, of course, it always is.5

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"Maybe in a different life we could have lived together forever, but not in this one. This one we must split apart and become seperate beings. I'm sorry for what I have done. And now, I apologize for what I must do."7

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The killer said this all with his pale gloved hand covering his female victim's mouth. 15

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"I'm sorry." He said this as a tear raced down his cheek. He had done this to victims before but it never hurt as much as this one. 19

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Finally, with his last apology out of the way, he slit her throat and let her bleed out as he weeped over his now lost lover. 23

Author notes

I fear commitment

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • hannah37
    September 14, 2008

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    wow. that was really amazing.
    i loved that so much.
    definatilly twisted.
    great job my friend.
    thanks for entering my contest. :] good luck


  • Reaver Greeters member
    August 20, 2008
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    Thsi was very well written and i enjoyed it. Thanks for entering! Rian.


  • Naive.
    August 8, 2008

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    Very intriguing. Beautiful, passionate description. I really liked it. I also liked how there wasn't an explanation for why the killer did what he did. It made it more mysterious and let the reader imagine what they want.

    There were a few mistakes...

    2nd paragraph: And now as fate would have it. I have.
    Should be: And now as fate would have it, I have.

    3rd paragraph: It is my fault, of course, it always is.
    Should be: It is my fault, of course; it always is.

    Those are the only mistakes I could catch. =]

    Thanks for entering and good luck. Great job, as well.

    -jj

  • horror
    July 20, 2008

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    First paragraph, sentences 4 and 5 made me think it was a pet lizard or snake being described. Unintentional red herring but made me want to read on. Check spelling and grammar.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 2.


  • Darkhearted
    July 18, 2008
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    write more about wat she is looking like at that moment. get into detail with that and it will be alot better

  • Darkhearted
    July 18, 2008

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    some minor spelling mistakes. great story but the long dialoge at the biggining threw of the concept. not enough detail for my taste but I'm not the only one judging.


  • Sousuke
    July 8, 2008

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    Just a problem before I begin. In the first paragraph,you spelled sweet as sweat. Otherwise this was really good. I don't get why he had to kill her though. Maybe more background information. idk. Thanks for entering and good luck. ^^


  • Noisome.
    July 7, 2008
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    Wow. I loved this! Obviously not a cliche which made me happy, and your descriptions were horridly vivid. Breathtaking details and so.. gripping.

    One or two minor spelling/grammar issues, but all are forgiven. I loved this.

    Good luck and thanks for entering!

1 - 9 of 9