Beautiful Irony

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You may call me the 'Hypocritical Poet,' you will see why, no that I'm dead and looking back on my life why I go by that name. The last few hours of my life were by far the most exciting. I not only finished off my competition, and life-long role-model, but also a crooked cop, my last good deed for humanity. This is the story that starts from the beginning of my end. The most satisfying victory I had ever gained, of course, would be seconds before my death. At least I could see my unfinished business become fulfilled with my mortal eyes, which is more than I can say for most great men. 2

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I have been stalking this pudgy, worthless, debt on society for days now. Everyday he does the same thing, does his job, kind of, eats a donut, makes a couple of crooked deals with other low-lifes such as himself, and then takes a back-alley to his house so that his scum pals wouldn't be able to track him without him noticing. In short, he is a corrupt cop who goes by the name, Officer Raven. He deserves to die.10

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I now have a plan to strip this piece of shit off of society's shoulders. Since he is so predictable I know exactly where, when , and how to kill this bastard. When he takes the back-alley I'll strike and give him a dose of my "Special Blend," a mixture of poisons I've created that will give me the most spectacular results. When he is unconsious, I will take him back to my basement, unseen as usual, and watch the poison take its course. Beleive me, watching someone die is way better than any reality show you'll ever see on MTV. Guaranteed.14

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So everything is going as planned, he is starting for the alley, when a new piece in this game of chess comes into view. Her name is Brandy Vollmer, but most serial-killer fans would know her as 'Lady Justice.' She does what I do. I kill the low-lives of society, saving innocent people, she used to do the same thing before she was caught. Brandy was thrown in jail on a death sentence when a miracle happened, she escaped. She has been missing for months now, and as fate would have it I would run into her. And not only that, but she seems to be stalking the same prey as I. Oh, how delicious. I demand perfection from those who do my kind of work, and since she was caught, she is not perfect, and deserves to die. Two for the price of one, my lucky day.18

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I enter the alley way behind Brandy, she enters the alley-way behind Raven.  I pick up a tire-iron laying on the side of a nearby wall, you must understand, I wish to have some fun with 'Lady Justice' before she dies, so I want her just unconsious at the moment, not dying. I silently approach Brandy and let down my arm, letting the tire-iron crash into her head, she falls to the ground and makes a loud, "THUMP!" I know what happens next so I hide close-by while the Officer, who obviously heard the sound, turns to help the collapsed woman. As he examins her, I sneak behind him and give him my "Special Blend" he passes out quickly. I pull my car around and push them into the trunk. When they wake up they will be in my basement, a place of no-return.22

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They seemingly wake up at the same time. Officer Raven wakes up to find that he is tied to the wall by rope and is unable to speak, due to the poison. 'Lady Justice' wakes with a muffled scream, due to the duct tape, as she realizes she is tied to a wooden cross with blood dripping from her head wound. 26

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"Welcome," I announce my entrance for I have always had a thing for the theatrical, "to my humble home. It is a rare occasion when I have two guests." I chuckle at my own genius, "Officer Raven, I will address you first since I have less time to 'play' with you than I do with Brandy there." I nod to 'Lady Justice.' Her eyes were glued to me, as if she were trying to recognize my face, as if I were an old friend of hers. She probably knows what kind of predicament she is in, and knows her time is near. 30

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"Officer Raven as you now must have noticed you can't talk, that is due to the poison I have given you. It dissembles the vocal cords, when this process is done it starts chewing at your heart and liver till you die. You have aproximately thirty minutes to live." Officer Raven's eyes go wide with fear and disbelief and I remember why I do this. "But why let you life go to waste? As you have also probably noticed, you are tied by rope to the wall. I have done this several times with those ropes and know that you cannot escape them. Here," I point to the 'X' I have marked on the ground, "I will place a gun loaded with one bullet. As you will soon find out it is a mere foot out of your range of reach. If somehow in the next thirty minutes you somehow manage to force your arm to grow, you can grab the gun and kill me, assuming you don't miss." Immediately, and predictably, Officer Raven goes for the gun only to find out I wasn't lying about him being a foot out of reach. He still struggles to reach it though. 34

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I know turn my attention to Brandy. "Oh, 'Lady Justice' when I noticed you  I thought it was too good to be true. You were my role-model and now I get the honor of killing you. A dream come true. As you see you are tied to a cross quite tightly. There is no escape. Now that I am done with that unpleasantry I would like to tell you that I have often fantasized about you." As I say this I pick up a knife. "Fantasized about doing some incredible and terrible things to you." I slide the knife across her upper-thigh, leaving a long, scarring cut. Blood starts to drip, she lets out a muffled cry, but no tears. Of course she wouldn't cry, she is a murderer just like me, there are no room for tears in our lives. The blood is gushing and I put my lips to it and suck. The taste of it is exstacy to say the least. I was consuming her very essance and loving every second of it.38

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"SNAP!"42

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I hear the rope break but it is too late, I know what is coming.46

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"BANG!"50

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A bullet flies through my back and out my chest, I collapse to the ground but turn my head so that I could keep my eyes glued on them as I die. Officer Raven throws the gun and unties 'Lady Justice' from her cross and removes the duct tape from her mouth.54

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"Bad move pig!" She mutters in a sadistic whisper as she picks up the blade I used to slice her thigh. She jabs at Officer Raven. She wants to kill him, not let my poison claim the victory. For once, the cop uses his training and manages to take the blade and stab Brandy. Its a killing blow. 58

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Beautiful. That was my last thought. How beautiful to see my last two victims die in such heroic irony. The cop dies from poison after killing the two most notorious serial killers of his time. I count that as a win on my part. Beautiful. 62