My lost Valentine

''HAS ANYONE FOUND A VALENTINE?!'' 1

''ANYONE? PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY VALENTINE!!?''2

Just another year alone. Just another day sitting here starring at this blank screen. I've been told I had someone out their before all for me and I would find him when the time was right. Well, as all impatient little girls do I wanted mine now, even if he wasn't the right guy. As long as I had feelings for him, even if I knew my heart would be broken by the end of the day, I still wanted someone to call my love, my special someone on that day just for those kind of people. 3

After all I'd never actually had a true Valentines day. I'd only had those Valentine days where everyone in your class would bring their little bundles of love in rubber bands around to every desk putting a little message in each white paper bag with a lopsided heart glued onto the front with a name written on them barely legible in crayon. The little messages with a short fraze that the sender hadn't ever thought of usually reading ''Will you be my Valentine?'' so sweetly on the front with their name written sloppy on the back. Ahh, I remember those days with a half smile on my face. Best lie I've ever been kidded into believing.4

Of course in every commercial around these times their stands a little girl and a little boy both with cards addressed to the other. Both adorable little kids just blushing at the sight of one another. Then one goes over and gives their hand made card to the other and upon receiving the other becoming embarrassed. Then the other goes over and kisses the other on the cheek. Of course. Then every person with eyes will simultaneously say ''Awwwww. How Sweet'' and then think to them self about what they should get for the love of their life. The classical remembered moments we use as bench mars for whats average and everything expected above it.5

Just from those commercials they get you to at least consider buying that brand product in hopes of that exact situation between the two 5 year olds to happen to you. Doesn't it just bring a smile to your face...6

Is their another kind of Valentines day ordeal....7

I can't think of another8

That same old time has come. Same empty feeling, only now acknowledged. I don't think I'll ever be able to have another one of those class card hand outs. Now that I'm in 8th grade I finally realize I haven't for 3 years. With 7 different classes and all I don't think its even a possibility. Especially with 13 year old kids running around like little animals on crack, 45 minutes doesn't seem like enough time to take another breath let alone organize making paper bags, handing out cards, and then cleaning up. Plus a lot of kids don't celebrate Valentines day because of it ''being against their religion'', too old for it,  and who knows why else.  I've thought about putting Valentines in the lockers of the people I admire, but then again, that's impossible because their isn't anyone who I admire in the school. And giving out valentines to my friends would be out of the question because of the rumors that would be spread. I don't care about what others think of me at school, but it would be nice just to  be left unrecognized.9

If I could give out a Valentine to a special someone I admire I'd give one to a kid I like to call Batman. But being the coward that I am (and partially because its just apart of the seasons aroma of mystery) I wouldn't address my name. He could ask around and find out if anyone was near his locker that might have put something in it. But then again, he did have feelings for other girls around the school. I was just one of the millions in his life, so the gift could easily be misinterpreted. He would  never guess it was me. He would probably just assume it to be that girl he left me for, that slut. See I am not just calling her a  slut because he left me for her, but because if you saw her you'd say the same thing. Shes that type that wears those skirts that literally end about an inch below their butt does and its frilly so it blows in the wind. When ever we have a practice fire alarm and shes wearing one of those you can always hear her screaming because a small gust of wind just blew her skirt up and she forgot to hold it down so a group of boys readily awaiting it just got the sight they'd been waiting for.10

I didn't and still can't see the transition he made from me to her. She wears skirts that can barely be called clothing and uses profanity when ever she feels the occasion calls for it to me. I hardly ever swear and I try to have good judgment as far as clothing goes, so I try not to show any skin aside from my hands and face. I wear a hoodie every day, she wears spaghetti strap, I wear pants, she wears skirts. I don't see many similarities aside from both of us being girls.11