Derek's Fate

It was a strange night, there seemed to be a chill in the air. Derek could fell the wind passing by him in calm gusts. Something wasn't right. It was calm. Too calm.1

Then, a distant wolf pierced the silence with a long howl that sent a shiver up Derek's spine. He looked up. "Just my luck," he muttered. A full moon lit the open patch of woods, and a silhouette of a wolf clear against the grey sky, it's head raised and teeth bared.2

"Crud..." he breathed, looking for a way out of his predicament. Derek noticed a thick group of trees, that seemed to lead through to a lighter part of the forest. "That's got to be it!" Derek ran, hands in pockets, steamy, panting breaths obvious in the cold air.3

"I hope Jake survived," he thought as he ran, head lowered to shield his eyes from the freezing breeze. Derek was a member of a group of tourists on a plane to Italy, but their plane had been caught in a storm, and had crashed in a thick forest unknown to the group. 4

Derek and Jake were the only members who had been able to parachute from the aircraft before it had plummeted to the ground, the explosion creating a large clearing in the dense trees. 5

After the crash, Derek had searched for other survivors, but hadn't been successful. The pilot was dead, the Dudley twins along with him, but Derek's fiancé Beth, and his best mate Jake were still missing.6

Tiring, Derek slowed, his breaths rasping in his dry throat.7

The wind was picking up, and snow beginning to fall. Another howl drifted through the strong breeze and hit Derek's ears with a chill. 8

His mind starting to cloud, Derek sought protection from his predators, real and imagined, in a cavern to his left. As he felt the warmth of the cave envelop him, his thoughts turned to Beth, his fiancé.9

He remembered how they had met 2 years earlier: In a casino one Saturday night, Derek had been gambling. Then halfway through the game, a beautiful young woman had asked to join the game. Laughing, The players had agreed, glad to have another unknowing victim to grind into dust.10

Derek remembered how he had gotten cocky, and intending to show off, had placed a large bet on the next deal. Beth somehow had won the hand, and won all of his money. (not to mention all of the hands after that!) 11

After the game, he started a conversation with the new champion, and they ended up together for the rest of the night. For a whole year after that, they went on numerous dates far and wide, all over the country with a tourist program. One year later, Derek proposed. He would never forget the look on her face as she agreed to marry him.12

Her beautiful face...tears of joy falling from her hazel eyes as they embraced. "Yes, yes, yes!" she repeated, her gentle lips pressing against his. 13

All of a sudden, a deep, guttural growl shattered his memories, sounding throughout the cave, as if from all around. A shiver shot up Derek's spine, turning his bones to ice, freezing his blood.14

He sensed someone's presence and turned, a dim shaft of light making the space visible. Derek froze.15

The mauled body lying before him was that of Beth's, her perfect features torn in a bloody mess. His eyes smarted as tears sprang to them. "Beth..." 16

Derek yelled disbelievingly, unable to accept her death. He picked her frail body up, tears streaming his face, though his sobs were silent. He kissed her lips, they were cold. He lay her body carefully down on a flat section of rock.17

He turned, coming face to face with a huge, drooling wolf. It struck him across the face in one swift motion. "AH!" He felt his face flooded with throbbing pain, as warm blood spurted from the deep wound. The animal seemed to laugh mockingly as it evaded Derek's effects to strike back, his arms flailing around, maddened with fury.18

He fell back, giddy with pain, his face covered in crimson blood that flowed into his eyes, partially blinding him. The wolf stood over him, paw raising off the ground slowly, preparing to slit Derek's throat.19

BANG! BANG! BANG! 3 shots fired in quick succession punched into the wolf's body, killing it instantly. Derek peered up to see a half mutilated Jake drop to the floor.20

Derek let his head fall back slowly, knowing they would be together again soon......

Author notes

By the way people, (RED BLOOD. WHITE SNOW.) is a better version of this.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Moo5
    October 4

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    The idea sounded interesting... But it looked like you were in a rush to finish the story. I think you needed to make the story more realistic or at least make the actions more believable.

  • Well beside the error of fell instead of feel in the first paragraph the story seems to be clean of spelling and grammar errors. Though it was well writen it didn't really draw me in. I figured he'd find Beth dead as soon as you went into detail about how they met. Why would he parchute(sp) out of the plane and leave her behind? The ending was a bit confussing for some reason, it seemed rushed. I think it could use a little more development but otherwise it was well done.

  • trekkergirl gold member
    August 5

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    Okay the first line there is a spelling error.  You have the word fell and what you need is the word feel.  That is the only spelling error that I noticed.  The story itself was a good read.  I like the idea of a plan crash tho don't understand how two people could parachut out of a plan and leave everyone else on it to die.I did feel sorry for the guy whenhe found beths body.  And that the ending was good.  Lovers joined in death.All in all a good read.  kept pace.  Good imagery.  Good job


  • TheBlueRoad
    July 12
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    Oh i didn't see that Jake was the werewolf. was he?

    • Fooleroo
      July 13
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      Hmmmm...

      i hadn't meant that but actually that's a great idea! lol i'm going to write a sort of prequel/more descriptive(longer) version of this soon.

      thanx for the idea lol
      Andy


  • TheBlueRoad
    July 11

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    Acutely Absorbing!

    The story sucked me right in. I like your grammar because you can manage well with independent and subordinate clauses. And I like how you can go back in time and still remain in focus of the current time, lost in the dark forest. And I like the characters you formed there. They were wonderful. However, I wish to learn more about Beth and Jake, to have some deep feelings for them.

    I really enjoyed reading this. It's a great read.

1 - 6 of 6