With Love ---

"You are not an ordinary girl, but a very special one, always remember this." I still recall my sister's words, she said to me when she was leaving for States. Now I realized why she left me. Yes, she left me for good. Her absence gave me the opportunity to get to know myself. Whatever I’m today is the reward of her separation. Someone once said, 'in order to get something, you have to lose something'. I am a changed person now; a girl who can make her decisions with high head and can face predicaments in life boldly.1

Who else can ever experience the pain of separation more than I did? Earlier when she left me, I became departed form the outside world and confined to my own world. I felt like a part of me is separated. Life had lost its meaning to me. I spent my days and nights crying hard, remembering her angel like presence, which brought harmony into my life. I wonder why nights are associated with melancholy and lonelinesss? Why do not we cry in bright daylight? Maybe because days are made of stark reality which has very little place for day-dreamers.2

I desperately wanted her to come to me, at least in my dreams if not in real. I remember the day when she had a baby boy. My God, I cried hysterically and couldn't utter a word. I was simply jealous of the infant who came in this world. It felt like as if somebody has taken my place. But then she lovingly explained to me, "Aimen, you are my first child. Of course you have come into my life long before anyone else did." My tears stopped running down my cheeks. And I was able to recollect myself. Then, finally I said, "Yes, nobody can ever take my place." I was selfish in my love. I had passed many painful nights, just tossing and turning, assuming her to be by my side. I was stumbling along a path, seeking a little more light, to keep going in a purposeful way.3

I found solace in music. Listening to Rick Astley's song 'cry for help', from Kenny Roger's light country songs to Micheal Bolton's emotional romantic songs gave me a new feeling of completness. Every song had a reflection of her. I had a feeling that these songs are specially written for me, interpreting the anguish that I was going through. These songs actually carried my story. My heart cried like a child especially while listening to Kenny Roger's song 'she believes in me', it really helped me out of stress.4

One thing I learnt form this separation is that 'missing' gives you the opportunity to think about your loved ones and those who had an important place in your heart. Honestly, I felt joy, cherishing and rejoicing the time I spent with her and then I was no more lonely. I started limping back to normalcy and now that it has been years being separated from her, still sometimes her sweet memories linger. 5

Her smile always makes a great difference to me. My soul is no lonelier now; it has found peace in loneliness itself. I have come to know that change is the sign of progression in life, be it good or unpleasant one. In fact, her absence gave my goals a finishing stroke. And one day, I found strength enough to get out of myself and sought out peace in the world. 6

"I love you more than words can wield the matter dearer than eyesight, space and liberty...” Shakespeare once said.