A moment's eternity

The night I first saw her, a bright moon was shining. Everyone on the ship had been asleep, but the erratic motion of the waves had awoken me. I had tried to fall again in slumber, but we were traveling new waters, and my spirit was restless. 1

I cursed in the darkness; my spirit was that of a worn sailor, always anxious for new wonders, traveling only to escape the feelings of imprisonment that firm land aroused in me. I could not stay in one place for very long; my wishes ached to be renewed; I longed for new shores to explore, new storms to conquer. 2

My escapes were, after all, my imprisonment; my free spirit kept me in chains; I was his slave to follow, to whatever treacherous escapade he yearned for next. I often though of a family. I longed for a woman, always at my side, but I knew I could only be poison for her. Never home, never lending a helping hand, unable to offer a shoulder for protection. 3

That night, my restlessness was giving me particular trouble; the rumbling of water outside gave me no hope for peace. With resignation, I quietly got out of bed, wishing for a breath of fresh sea air. It would surely ease my rumbling spirit. 4

Outside, the night was beautifully clear; a thousand stars shone from their celestial thrones; the moon, queen of all, sat in splendor among them. I gazed longingly at her fair beauty; how many poets had written about her mysterious presence! 5

I sighed, closing my eyes. I let the rhythmic sweeping of water lull me in a strange trance; back and forth, back and forth, the waves crashed on the shore of my thoughts, washing away my disquiet emotions…I breathed deeply, letting the pungent smell of salt soothe my tired body. 6

And then, just as I opened my weary eyes, there she was. A silhouette outlined by a silver thread of moonlight; There, walking on the ocean waves. I gasped in amazement; her features were blurred, indistinct; a mass of long curls trailed behind her in the wind, rising and falling with the water. I could not see her face in the darkness, but the rhythm of her walk aroused in me an unknown passion; I was transfixed with her figure; I could not move my eyes from her gentle body. For no woman had I ever longed so deeply, with a yearning far beyond mortal love. 7

And then, just as instantly as she had appeared, she was gone. I stared for a long moment at the very place where she’d been standing, overtaken by speechless amazement. 8

I trembled; I felt an unquenchable thirst in my heart; 9

What had I just seen? I could not come to terms with the swarms of questions which now raced in my thoughts; who was she? Surely, nothing so indescribable could be human; my heart had jumped in my throat, my hands were sweating; I felt as if I’d stolen a view of something forbidden, magical. 10

There was not a moment in which her moonlit silhouette was not with me; I stared for hours at the sparkling waves of the sea, wherever I went. I became increasingly quiet and irascible. My already uncontrollable spirit was now bursting with wonder and strange passions; her sight tormented my every dream; I would vision her beauty, see her hypnotizing sway…only to awake, startled, in a dirty hammock, surrounded by sleeping sailors. 11

No matter how I yearned; no matter how I pleaded the heavens, they would not grant me a second glimpse. 12

Many years later, I found myself on a journey to the coast of Africa. The black continent had still never been seen by my eager spirit; its untamed wilderness allured my wishes; and I, like an obedient puppy, followed my impulsive passions, following my heart to whatever corner of reality it pushed me. Africa was a dangerous, unexplored land. We traveled close to the coast, and only went on land for provisions or upon sighting a British camp. On one of these occasions, after a long stretch of wild land, our ship came across a small camp waving the English flag. Exhausted, dehydrated, and hungry, we quickly took refuge in the small cove of civilization. We spent the night there, regaining strength to pursue the rest of our treacherous journey. 13

As it often was, on this very night I awoke, startled, from a terrible nightmare. All around, my mates were soundly sleeping. Sweat dripped down my face; the suffocating heat of the night left me breathless; it crashed on my body like the strong waves of a storm, leaving me helpless. I twisted and turned for hours in my bed, trying to regain sleep, but, as always, it eluded me; it left me, crushed by heat, to rot on my dirty straw mattress. 14

Insufferable and aching, I left my bed, favoring the outside air, like I often did in my insomniac nights. The air outside was not crisp and refreshing, like the cool breeze of the water, but it was not as suffocating as the tent.15

I made my way slowly to the beach. It was an intensely moonlit night; clear, untamed. Only in the heart of darkness could the moon shine so brightly. 16

As my feet finally sunk in the sparkling sand, there, she appeared like a vision. My heart suddenly stopped. Time seemed to hover, immobile, for an infinite second. 17

Her silhouette…I would have recognized her curves in any light; excitement and terror both overtook me. I was powerless to move; I sunk to my knees; I could see her hair, waving back and forth, with the rhythmic motion I was so familiar with. I wanted to call to her, whisper softly, but the sounds were trapped in my screaming heart.18

She was so close…a few meters, and I could have caressed that perfection. She was simply standing, just where the sea kisses the sand, staring into the never- ending waves. 19

Suddenly, she turned to face me. I could not see her distinctly; once again, just her features were outlined. My mind was exploding with millions of thoughts; the moment she met my gaze, it seemed as if reality crumbled away. I could feel the intensity of her eyes as she studied me; I looked helplessly towards her; I was but a speck of dust in the hands of a goddess. 20

To my mounting disbelief, she slowly began walking towards me. Every second that she inched closer, a new wave of strange emotions overtook my throbbing soul; I belonged to her; my heart, my soul, my every wish rested solely in her hands. I was a puppet to her desires, and I fully wished for her to guide me. She stopped in front of where I was kneeling, and gracefully got down to her knees. And there, in the darkness, I met her eyes; they were crystalline, transfixing, hypnotizing; they were inhumane, breathtaking; they were neither good nor evil, creation or destruction; perhaps they were the soul itself. 21

I could feel her breath on my skin; every wave of air was a soft, electrical tingle. 22

And then, in a moment, she pressed her lips on mine. Truly, no expression can do justice to that moment; no description could fulfill my desires to tell it in all its magnificence. No kiss, not from queens, not from alluring oriental dancers, not from the beautiful ladies of Paris, Rome, London…no kiss will ever compare to that moment. 23

As her soft lips warmed my own, trembling ones, I came to contact with myself; everything in her reminded of my soul. In short, she was; everything present in creation was her artifice. 24

All beauty and splendor became clear in that second; every horror, every twist of deceit seemed to unfold plainly in front of my eyes. The secret of everything was shared with that soft brush of lips; I remained immobile, wondering why I had never seen reality; for indeed, those secrets were simple. The confused myths we had for so long trusted were a construct of imagination; truth was, indeed, a simple matter.25

That second was, and forever will be, the whole summarization of my life purpose; but as soon as it came, thus it went, like a breath of wind. I opened my eyes, and she was gone. Only the memory of her silhouette remained; I sat, in deep contemplation, until the morning. I was trying to sort out reality from dream, fantasy from truth; all my convictions had evaporated, dissolved like cigarette smoke. That second had shown me all things; and she had given me the gift of knowledge.26

Needless to say, she never left my thoughts. She was everything in my vision; no other woman could possibly have my love now; for my love was locked up in the immensity of an angelic creature. Since that night, though I have searched for her in my every voyage, she has never again appeared to me. She both blessed and tormented me; I long for her touch more than my own existence. 27

Oh, how meaningless my life! How selfish men, who think they can understand! 28

Not all the journeys in the world could make them free; How foolish, to ponder, day after day, what reality may be.29

Only a kiss from a goddess could make them see.30