A year has passed since the marriage of Rachell to Johnathan. It was hard at fist. The wedding was postponed for a while, but eventually they were able to work everything out.1
***2
Rachell was home one day waiting for Johnathan to get home. She had news for him that would change everything. Finally after waiting for what seemed like forever for Johnathan to get home, he arrived.3
Rachell ran to the door to greet her wonderfull husband. Surprised John asked Rachell what was going on, somewhat suspicious of her sudden giddiness.4
"John I have something important to tell you" Rachell was like a child who was just told that she could have any candy in a candy store.5
"What is it hunny, you are going crazy" Johnathan took Rachell in his arms to try and calm her down.6
"John hunny we are going to have a baby! those drugs that the doctor gave me they worked John they actually worker we are going to have a baby!"7
This was the best news that Rachell could have ever given to her husband.Finally Rachell felt at peace with everything.8
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Thank you so much for your pointers. You are right about alot of the grammatical things. I do not pay much attention to them because I am usually writing too late at night to care.lol. But I do need to work on it, and i have concluded that i may wind up working on the story abit to fix it up a little so that it has more detail. It is just that it is a very personal story to me and hard to tell, but i think that it will all come together eventually. Anyways thankyou for your comments.
Rivkah -
Well, alright. I took the time and read all the parts to 'Her Pain'.
My comment is I like the story you wrote. You had the beginning, the climax, and the resolution. I think it's great that you wrote it into different parts.
However, you are in desperate need of spell check! Lol, that is what it's there for!
Your sentence structure needs some work, and maybe you could develop it further with more description. There are some parts I saw that you broke up weird and left out a ton of puncuation..was that on purpose?
Okay, I don't like being critical, so I won't be. I really do like what you wrote, just trying to give pointers on things I noticed. you don't have to listen if you don't care because I won't care. Lol. Yeeeah, anywayz...
Catch yaz later! <3 Jenners
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