My Old Man (No Amount of Miles)

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He pulls into a truckstop. A dirty lot lizard approaches his rig. Condescending upon her niche in life, (yet secretly desiring some sexual release,)he turns her away. His eyes wander... Her bruised forearms and jelly-like lovehandles turn off any arousal he desperately works himself up to. After all, he still possesses a rather nice copy of "Jugs"...2

He rubs his temples, he sees the faded family photo from 1990. 10 years ago? He was husky and bearded, and she was lovely. They were the picture perfect family. 2 boys, one baby girl. The memories of an orthoox nazarene church, a 1979 Ford LTD, hairspray and trailer in the country, they all were so vivid. His life was so different then.3

He cries to a God he has only been told exists. In hopes of hearing the Almighty's voice he prays. He only prays when things go south. His eyes fixed on the floorboad he brushes aside old Doritos bags and Pepsi cans. He has the choice between the Bible and "Jugs." He chooses the tattered Bible and opens it, when doing so, a clump of pages between Ezekiel and Matthew fall out. He attempts to read, searching for some sign of life, some hope.4

There is a stirring inside as he pulls himslef together. He wipes snot and tears on his jacket sleeve. He climbs down out of the cab and goes to get a sandwich. 5

Why is it that he noticed the payphone? He approaches it and his throat dries up. He pulls 50 cents out of his pocket and dials the number. (636)... The mechanical operator answers. "Please deposit 50 cents for long distance."6

"Silly me," he thinks outloud, "I'm in Ohio, they're in Missouri."7

He hangs up the phone and makes his way to his truck, where he cries himself to sleep.8

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Perhaps if he were any more sure, he would have called. He wasn't, and he didn't.10

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I know he is ashamed, and he hides. No amount of miles can separate him from the life he left behind.12

No amount of miles can separate him from the shame, the regrets, the incessant, reoccuring "what-ifs"13

No amount of miles makes him any less our father.14

...Yet he puts miles and miles between us....15