Once upon a time; on a small farm,
there lives a family belly pot pigs. Mummy piggy, daddy piggy,
little piglet Lucy. 1
Now Lucy loves to roll and get covered in mud, Lucy does not
likes to take a bath. 2
Mummy and daddy piggy wanted to take Lucy out for the day,
but Lucy had got up early and gone rolling in the muddy puddles
she found around the farm. Mummy piggy told Lucy
“ she would have to take a bath”. Whilst mummy piggy had
gone in doors to run Lucy’s bath, Lucy ran into the barn and
hid behind a haystack. 3
Daddy piggy came outside to call Lucy, but Lucy never came.
Mummy piggy came down stairs to find where Lucy was hiding.
Daddy and Mummy piggy searched for hours and could not find
Lucy anywhere. 4
So mummy and daddy piggy went around the farm asking the other
animals if they had seen Lucy. None of the other animals had seen
Lucy since that morning.5
Lucy was getting very hungry know, decided she would go back
home. When she arrived at the front door of her house, mummy
and daddy piggy where waiting for her return. Mummy piggy
hugged Lucy as hard as she could and told her
“never to run off again” as they were very worried. 6
Daddy piggy and mummy piggy took Lucy inside, gave her a hot
cuppa coco, Lucy decided she would have that bath after all. 7
Mummy piggy took Lucy up stairs, Lucy loved all the bubbles
mummy had put into the bath and yellow ducky. After bath time
Daddy piggy tucked Lucy tight into bed, Lucy fell fast asleep.8
Comments
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Cute
It's a cute story, but perhaps in need of some tweaking.
Here are some things I noticed.
Paragraph 1: "there lives a family belly pot pigs." How about: "there lives a family of pot-bellied pigs"?
"Mummy piggy, daddy piggy, little piglet Lucy" - I think this is what they call a fragment, not a sentence. So, how about something like this: "There's mummy piggy, daddy piggy, and little piglet, Lucy"?
Paragraph 6: "Lucy was getting very hungry know, decided she would go back home." Did you mean "now" instead of "know"? Also, there's something missing. It needs something like this: "Lucy was getting very hungry now, so she decided to go back home." Just an idea.
Paragraph 7: "gave her a hot
cuppa coco, Lucy decided she would have that bath after all." If this story is for kids, it would be better not to use "cuppa" which is highly informal and not correct. "Cup of" would be preferable. Also, this paragraph consists of a run on sentence. "Lucy decided she would have that bath after all" would best be a separate sentence.
I hope that is helpful to you!
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