‘It’s complicated right?’ Nicole asked knowingly. She knew what he was thinking however she never imagined him doing this to her.
Aaron nodded as he looked down at the ground trying to avoid looking into Nicole’s eyes, Nicole sighed as she stared at him. He was wearing his normal ‘gothic’ look; he was an emo while she was prep, many of her friends warned her about him yet she saw him forbidden and secluded. She wanted him and she knew it.1
‘Aaron, when are you going to let me in?’ she asked sadly as she touched his black hair, she slowly moved his chin upwards and moved his gothic fringe which covered his greenish eyes. Aaron stared into her sparkly brown eyes; he didn’t understand why she was still with him, he wanted to ask her the question that kept him up forever… the question which never let him fall asleep. He was slowly haunted by the question in his mind, he couldn’t figure out his answer as he locked himself away with the one question that ticked him all day.2
‘Am I a joke to you?’ He asked the question that had been pondering into his dark brain while ignoring her question. Nicole stared in shock as her eyes widened up.3
What? She thought to herself slowly.4
‘No’ she said simply. Nicole didn’t understand why he asked yet she didn’t want to know.5
‘Why are you with me?’ Aaron asked another question while still staring into her sparkly eyes which had now turned watery.6
‘Because I love you truly even though it’s hard for you to believe it, I don’t know why you have been so locked up these weeks and if it’s my fault. I’m sorry.’ She said as she held back the tears that were stuck in her eyes as she tried to ignore the thoughts of him breaking up with her.7
‘Like you said…’ Aaron paused as Nicole was eager to hear ‘I love you too’8
‘It’s complicated……’ he continued as her mouth opened and tears fell from her eyes. Aaron got up from her bed and walked towards the door; he slowly turned the door knob but stopped and turned to face his girlfriend sobbing quietly.9
‘I heard what you said…’ he said peacefully as Nicole sniffed into her tissue.10
‘You said exactly ‘He’s only good for one thing’ …’ He paused as Nicole held on to her heart.11
‘Listening… Is that how much you really love me?’
‘Is that all I’m good for… Listening?’ Aaron shouted with his last words and stormed off.12
‘Exactly…’ Nicole whispered.
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A lovely story. The sentiment behind it seems quite true...strong...and the characters are really believable. I would make a few suggestions, but I sometimes come off harsh when I crit, so I won't crit. Instead, I will say this: I hope you continue with this story. I hope there's more....
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AWW D:
That's so sad, I feel like crying!
Brilliant!!
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Nicole sounds hot... jk, i have an actual comment. I can see where you're going with this, but I would prefer it to be a more fleshed-out story. I would understand the characters better.
. Rewarded 4
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Very good.
If you wanted this could very easily become the start for an brilliant story. -
That was really good...I wish it didn't end! Very nice. I was slightly annoyed, though, since you were using single apostrophes instead of full quotation marks...it just kinda bugged me. But otherwise, very good!
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Wow, it makes a lot of sense. I can see how this relationship could never work out. I am a goth/emo and I have learned never to date other people outside of that category. I know it sucks sometimes, but oh well. Others just don't understand. If you put two of the same type people together, they usually will get along better than mixing with others. But then, that's jsut my opinion. Good piece of writing though, I really enjoyed it!
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