She opened her forest eyes, tears sliding down her smooth cheeks in one long stream of grief and heartache. She just longed to see him, one last time. A twig snapped behind her, making her turn her head, bronze curls tossing. There he was, riding his chestnut-brown horse, blue eyes sparkling merrily in the bright sun. The cowlick in his tawny hair, the expressive arch of his eyebrows, the quirking, cheeky grin. It was all so perfect. Nothing else mattered. She found herself being dragged from the real world. All she could hear was her heart singing as she strained for the sound of his laugh and all she could see was the golden sun shining as she twisted around in search of a glimpse of his blue eyes.1
Then he turned to her. His eyes lit up with a beauty to rival that of the stars, shining and glittering like the moon on water. His smooth, curving lips lifted up into a warm smile, half-open in a laugh of joy at seeing her. Her reflection shone in his eyes, the most beautiful thing in the world to him, and his love was visible like burning fire in the cool blue ripples of his irises. A gentle wind licked up around them, brushing its soft fingers through his hair in a soft caress. The next she knew, his arms were around her and his cheek on hers, his skin as warm and smooth as buttermilk, his short beard rough on his chin. She turned her face towards him, more tears wetting her cheek. He brought up a finger to brush them away, as gentle as he might to a child, his touch as light as a butterfly. Then he moved back into the hug, resting his cheek back on hers and stroking her hair soothingly. "I love you sweetie." he whispered into the whorls of her ear. The vision faded, the air around her became empty, and he was gone.
Author notes
Eternal Knight: Hope this is helpful to you 
. It's not exactly... the start of a story for you to finish but it definitely leaves a lot to be said. It came out of a larger story (not on SW) so it would be interesting to see how you interpreted it. Anyway, hope you like it
Valkyrie: My pieces are "Loving Him" and "The King's Taster [Revised] (1)". I wrote "Loving Him" before I joined SW, which was over a year ago, and I wrote "The King's Taster [Revised] (1)" on May 29th this year, so I estimate there is at least a year's gap. I'm 16 . Thank you for this contest, it was so unique I felt I had to drag up some entries 
A contest entry
- You're Prescribed to Describe by heartfullofvenom.
400 points, ended July 6, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Romance/Kiss scene!!!! by KixiusMaximusArsus.
160 points, ended September 1, 2008, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Another Contest to help me improve my writing. by Eternal Knight.
130 points, ended October 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Of Wine, Cheese, and Writing Skills by Valkyrie.
700 points, ended July 16, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Great description, both of the characters and of the girl's feelings. Maybe a tad too much; it reminds me of gooshy romance novels.
But then, some like that style, and I don't, so here's a big grain of salt to take with my comment.
Since this is an excerpt, it's hard to say how your setting goes; there isn't much of it here for me to place the characters in.
The story's flow is good, though; that seems to be a strong point for you in both entries. Less food here, but the emotions are thick and rich like the sauces your taster ate. It's like you're cooking a recipe and don't want to rush things. Your pacing of story events is slow and deliberate, but it creates fabulous results.
Thanks for entering my contest.
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Thank you so much I am so glad you enjoyed my entries and thank you for making me consider the differences in my works. I agree, this is too gooey for me, one reason I've never really worked on it, but some people just love romance and this was written for one who did
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This is really sweet!!! i liked it lots!!
well done for the contest!!!
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Thank you so much!!! I'm glad you liked it, though in my opinion it's a bit... cliche xD. Thanks anyway
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it is good. I like it. hope you finish it
beginning: 3.
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I did, but not on here. This is my adapted piece (in the real thing he doesn't vanish and she isn't crying) and it was fanfiction. The rest isn't on here. Thanks very much for reading and commenting
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aw, this is precious. I think you did a fine job describing it, but I did feel sorry for the lady in the end. I like the way you described his eyes in the second paragraph. Very nice job!
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Glad you liked it! ^_^. I've been considering taking this down and either reworking it or just dumping it altogether, since I've learned to write much better pieces recently, but on the other hand, we learn from our works and I like my comments. Thanks very very much for commenting!!
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Oh cool!
Awesome! I liked it! Um....why did he disappear? lol. -
Wow....thats all i can say...WOW! That was just WOW!!!!
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wow. very descriptive and bittersweet.
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"His eyes lit up with a beauty to rival that of the stars, shining and glittering like the moon on water" was my favorite line. The ending of this description was very surprising to me, it kinda sounded a bit fairy-taleish, but it was simply beautiful.
Good Luck! -
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Thank you so much for your comment! It really made my day! I agree the end is a little fairy-taleish, but I quite like it, and it seemed like the best way to finish it. Thanks again, you rock!
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