Madness, Not Insignificance (Part 1)

In A World Full Of Absurdities and Contradictions,1

I Feel I'm Incomplete2

I've Got Everything3

Yet The Urge Lives On4

What Is That Serpent, Which5

Infuses Me With Frustration6

Infests Me With Condemnation?7

I Do Not Need You People, 8

But Still I'm Empty- 9

The Hollowness Eroding Me. 10

Where Do I Get Perfection- 11

The Guts To Get Back That Which I Was But Am Not? 12

In The Abyss Of Paranoia 13

I Felt I Laid I Felt I Wasn't Mad 14

I Just Couldn't Relate, 15

I Just Couldn't Find Friends 16

The Type I Wanted 17

I Felt I Just Whizzed Past Life 18

The Reality Was Awesome Or So I Think. 19

And It Made Me Deeper, Keener, Penetrating 20

Got Me And People, Poles' Apart 21

Rent Me Asunder 22

Rendered Me Capricious 23

I Do Not Want Anyone To Know 24

But I Want To Share With Everybody 25

I Want Everybody To Know, To Understand 26

But I Do Not Want Anyone To Get To The Bottom 27

What Is This Strange Conflict Of Telling And Not Telling? 28

And What If I Tell? 29

Would Someone Come And Stand By Me, 30

Lend Me His Spirit 31

Spread An Arm Around My Shoulder 32

Be By Me Side - Forever? 33

Though I’m Troubled Yet I’m Used To It.

Author notes

Part2 available now

Click below for part 2
http://storywrite.com/story/184416

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Sousuke
    July 23, 2008

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    I really liked the poem, it was very deep. The vocab was excellent also. I'm not a writer of poetry so I don't really know much about it. I think the largest one I wrote was in 8th grade about a school bus xD good job.


  • xoxKokaygirlxox
    July 10, 2008

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    This has a good meaning to it and i liked it alot , it is like it almost tells a story but great poem :

  • cheetahgal
    July 6, 2008

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    this was very good. the idea is developed and shown throughout the poem, different readers may take different meaning from the story and find multiple ideas. the metaphors and use of language are good and the description leaps off the page as normal. great job and keep up the AMAZING work!

    Chee


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    July 5, 2008

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    I like this its really medaphoric and I think every reader could draw a different meaning from it. I think that your saying that the speaker of the poem doesn't think he/she needs people because they only bring problems and pain. I think the serpant is a metaphore for the feeling of being abandoned, out of place, and confused when the person is around people. Yet when this person is alone then find themselves needed someone to stand by them when life gets too hard. I drew this conclustion perhaps because that is how I feel myself.

    I think this is very well writen and the words you chose to use fit perfectly. From a poetic form P.O.V I'd say that line 1 appears to long since it cuts into ten short lines then line twelve in long again. By the end of the poem your lines are longer and the really long lines like line 28 seem to fit in the format.

    Line 14 seems a little off maybe its missing something I'm not sure.

    This is the part of the poem that hit me the hardest:

    I Just Couldn't Relate, 15
    I Just Couldn't Find Friends 16
    The Type I Wanted 17
    I Felt I Just Whizzed Past Life 18

    I hope you get more reads on this it has to be one of the best poems I've read in a long time on this site. Perhaps I should try my hand at real poetry again its been a while. Thank you for writing such a wonderful peice.

    • BruisedConfessions
      July 8, 2008
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      thankyou for writing in your comments
      i have been particularly careful in generalising the poem, i wanted every person to draw their own conclusions, according to their buts and pieces of lives. i hope you'll find part 2 interesting as well


  • Sailor Moon
    July 4, 2008

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    Not too sure what the overall idea was... but I gather that the person telling this poem is hurting from the world and how black it can be - they yearn for support - and yet they are somewhat resigned to their fate. The "serpent" they are talking about.. is it love? Or at least the harsh side of it?

    The wording was very thought-out in my opinion, and it was a really haunting feel. The capital letters on all words added to that effect - I liked it well done

    • BruisedConfessions
      July 4, 2008
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      thankyou so much..
      yes the basic idea is how cruel the world can be.. and how much they can misunderstand a person. the serpent can be related to every ones personal problems. each person can relate it to his or her own self.

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