Danny

Danny had a way with life, it was as if the world could do no wrong to him. Despite most determined efforts, no matter how hard it tried to pull him under, somehow he managed to keep his footing, to keep a smile on his face and brain. Even when our dear friend Elise was taken by some drunk fool who thought it’d be funny to wave a gun around the market. I got angry but not Danny, no not Danny. He was like a rock, an angel to wipe away our tears and sorrow, a gift sent by God Himself. Through waste deep muck he had those bright shining eyes and constant smile. I always loved that about him, there was something so comforting about those eyes, something that made me feel like nothing in this world could ever do me harm as long as I was with him. 1

We met at a young age, I hadn’t many friends then and was far too shy to ever be seen by anyone, except Danny. He always saw me for exactly what I was. It was like a power he had over me, to always know exactly what I was feeling and who I was, even if I didn’t know. And after time, as these sort of things go, feelings beyond that of friendship arose. But we never really acted upon them, I guess we were both a bit too afraid of what might happen if we actually spoke the words out loud. Still, every waking moment was spent together and every moment sleeping I dreamt of him. We used to drive out to the countryside and fall asleep watching the stars, until we left the headlights on one night and let the battery run down. Even hiking miles back to town, all I can remember is us laughing and running about the whole time. Then my 17th birthday rolled around and Danny graduated, that night we went back out to the country to have a bonfire with some friends who neglected to tell us before we got there that they’d decided on a pub instead. So there we were attempting to light a fire just for the hell of it when Danny ran off into the darkness. The moon and stars were hidden behind grey clouds so it was practically pitch black and funny for all of two minutes. Eventually I started to panic when he didn’t answer my shouts. Then suddenly, he literally swept me off my feet screaming like a bloody fool, scared me so bad I nearly wet myself. And just as I started to rant and call him a few choice words that I wont repeat here, he kissed me! My first kiss I might add. 2

I will never forget that moment, not even when I’m grey and old and on my deathbed. There is no force that could ever take that moment away from me. I find I think of it more often as the anniversary nears. Every second spent with him beats like a drum in my head, and with every day that brings me closer to it I find that the drumming grows louder and louder. Like an unstoppable force drumming out in my head, constant… perhaps the only constant in my life. But the night he kissed me was the beginning of a most glorious bond. I feel for him now something I’ve never felt towards anyone or anything else in this world, and to this day my love for him continues to grow. 3

Not long after I graduated he decided to surprise me with a holiday he’d mapped out. We left early and drove hours to this beautiful lake, swam so long it felt as if our arms were going to detach themselves. And then we laid upon the ground watching the clouds pass slowly above us, that moment could very well have lasted years, so peaceful and warm. Then he put his lips to my ear and whispered “Close your eyes.” So I closed my eyes and waited, heard some rustling around and then felt his lips upon mine. “Now open them.” he said so softly. It took a moment for my eyes to focus on what he held before me. If by now you’ve guessed the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen then you get extra brownie points. I quickly sat up and watched him on his knee, and just barely had he spoke those marvelous words when I wrapped myself around him and whispered “Yes, yes, yes…” Who knows how many times I said it, all I know is I was practically in tears as he held me there with that beautiful smile of his.4

After that moment the world quickly grew tired of us, it’s as if it spoke “No, I will not have this anymore! I will not let Danny see happiness, or spread happiness, or live happiness, or love and be happy any longer!” And with that the rain came and the night fell upon us too fast, so fast the sun hardly had time to set. But we were happy and eager to proclaim to everyone we knew, and everyone we didn’t, just how much in love we were, how we were to spend the rest of our lives together. We had a long drive home as the wind fiercely roared around us and the rain clanked against the car, but I was oblivious to anything but him. Just 30 minutes from his apartment where I practically lived already, a truck driver was busy fighting the elements. His windshield wipers were old and tired, as was he, so when his light turned red he didn’t quite see… or perhaps he just wasn’t paying attention, I couldn’t say for certain. As Danny turned right, heading into the crossroad, he leaned in to kiss me. I shouldn’t have closed my eyes because when I opened them it was too late. The truck was there right outside Danny’s window. My eyes flashed fear as Danny turned his head to look, I swear it was like I watched it all happen in slow motion yet could do nothing to stop it. I could do nothing to save him. 5

After that I remember my chest feeling tight and my head feeling heavy, when I came to, the car had been turned over and Danny and I were hanging there, stuck in our belts. Blood trickled up my forehead as I fought to get free, all the while screaming for Danny. The sounds and colors were such a blur, I didn’t even hear the sirens. I pulled at his belt, rubbed his face a thousand times, a thousand times over and over and over… but he just wouldn’t look at me. His bright eyes were so pale that night, like I’d never seen them before, but I could see that he was breathing, just barely but still there, breathing. I screamed and cried and pulled at his belt but just as it came undone I felt arms around me, tugging at me, pulling me further and further from him. His head slipped away from my hands and his eyes went so dull, so dark, so cold. I tried to pull myself closer but I couldn’t get back to him…. the paramedics couldn’t get past the metal and glass and flames, so there I sat on the road, slumped down into the darkest and most frightening place I have ever been. It was there I sat and watched my love, my hope, my everything disappear… It was there I watched Danny die.