Enchanted Garden (A Love Story)

The air was thick with humidity. The sun beat down on Jared and I as we strolled out of the gravel and onto the main path. Luckily, the leaves of the tall trees managed to shield us from the roaring sun, allowing us to enjoy the cool breeze that blew in from the green, crystal clear lake that was less than ten yards away. Jared glanced my way as he took my book from my hand and put it in his gargantuan pants pocket, which already contained his paperback. He clasped his hand onto mine and asked in a jovial manner,1

"Are you ready for this?" 2

I gazed back into his eyes that shone as bright as emeralds and answered,3

"As ready as I'll ever be."4

With those words, he moved his hand onto my back and steered me to my right as we veered from the main path into a small clearing.5

The sight before me was unbelievable - no, magical. Magical, yet surprisingly quaint, are the best words to describe it. He pulled me down and helped me onto a gray, vine-covered granite bench that was hidden on the side of a small alcove. It felt cool to the touch, which meant that it had been a long time since someone had occupied its smooth surface. 6

I surveyed the spectacle before us. The bushes were so tall that they towered over us, hiding us from the outside world. The grass seemed more vibrant on this side as light gusts of wind, blowing from the East, nudged it from side to side. Small white flowers peeked from every blade, as if to welcome to their home. I closed my eyes and inhaled the earthly smell of fresh grass intermingled with a moist fragrance. At the edge of the bank stood a small tree, with its branches hanging so low that some of them actually touched the water; it was as if the tree was bowing to the lake, its fingertips gently kissing Mother Nature. Every few seconds, a leaf would fall and softly land on the water, forming small ripples in the water. I stood there mesmerized at the small circles as they grew larger and larger, until finally they were so big that they blended in with the lake to form a calm velvety surface. It was as if I was stranded in time, in an enchanted garden, where anything was possible.7

Jared observed me taking it all in.8

"Well what do you think?" he whispered, not wanting to break the spell. "This is where I go to think and relax whenever I want to get away from all the stress. I guess, in a way, this is my own little world." His face broke into a smile when he saw my expression of contentment - a reflection of his own.9

"It's beautiful," I replied. "Absolutely beautiful."10

Afterwards, he started rummaging through is front left pocket like a madman.11

"What are you doing?" I asked him.12

He looked at me and gave me a reassuring nod, indicating that I shouldn't worry about it. His brows furrowed as he reached the bottom of his pocket. Finding nothing, his face fell. I reached out to comfort him, but before I got to him, he suddenly lit up, pulled out his hand and opened his clenched fist.13

In it was a small, silver Tiffany's ring.14

"Oh no...Jared...what is that?" There was a mixture of excitement and worry in my voice.15

"Now before you jump to conclusions, I just want to say that this is not what you think it is..." He cleared his throat, took my hand, and continued to say, "Ana, we've been together for almost a year now, and I think it's time that I show you that I mean it when I tell you forever. Since we're too young to take that final step, my promise to you that I will always love you will have to suffice - a promise that is symbolized by this promise ring." And with those last words, he delicately slipped the ring on my finger.16

The spell was complete. We kept silent, savoring the moment. We gazed into each other's eyes and slowly leaned in....3 inches apart...2 inches...1 inch...and then a huge droplet fell on my face. I tilted my head up and saw millions upon millions of rain drops falling straight from the sky down into our little alcove. I scanned the horizon for some semblance of my paradise, only to find that it had turned into something...ordinary. The magic faded with every single bead of water. It was as if they were snatching all the colors and taking it into themselves so they could form that elusive rainbow in the sky.17

Jared tugged on my hand; the rain was our queue to leave. As we ran towards the car, I glanced behind me one more time to see if I could recapture the image that I set eyes on earlier. Alas, that image was lost, replaced by the drab and dreary stain that the storm had imprinted on my mind. I didn't know it then, but this was to serve as an omen.18

Too often to people wander into something they thought was incredible, but after a rainstorm called life crashes into their relationship, they forget why they were there in the first place. 19

Slowly, the effervescent colors of the leaves, the loud conversations of the birds, and the soft hush of the wind were obliterated by this massive downpour of gray sleet.

Author notes

I wrote this when I was 16 years old. As I was re-typing it, I made some last minute revisions, but I don't think I did a good enough job. I will admit the description of the setting was a bit too much but the assignment was to write a descriptive paper. I wrote this about my relationship at the time - too true was the ending of this essay. Anyways, feel free to criticize it to death or just tell me what you think. Either way, I really appreciate it.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • daftweejimmy gold member
    December 10, 2008

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    I'm a little ambivalent.....

    ....because from my present age and perspective comes the feeling, "Was I ever that young?" followed by a very definite "Yes", and some really embarrassing memories of how I tried to create scenes reminiscent of this one. Oddly enough, almost without exception, the Scottish weather quite often fouled things up for me,too!!

    OK, technically, there wasn't much to complain about in this. You use the common "Jared and me" when you talk about walking across the grass. I'm sure you know that it should be"Jared and I", but apart from that, syntax and grammar are fine.

    You presented this quite well, though personally, I felt it was a trifle on the gauche side. What redeemed it for me was Jared's hunt for the ring, which was a wonderful way of making it more believable and heightening the tension. That, for me, was the best bit.

    It was a fairly percipient piece for a young woman to write, and I don't mean that in a patronising way. Even gold doesn't look good when it's being poured into a drab mould, and when it's worn and thin it has a habit of looking pathetic, so a neat touch for the look through the world's weather. Very neatly encapsulated.

    Jim


  • sandypr.
    August 31, 2008

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    I really loved this! It was really cute. And I love how vivid you make the clearing seem. I could see it in my mind... (: Good luck in my contest and thank you very much for entering. (:


  • Radiance
    August 24, 2008

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    This is such a beautiful piece. I could imagine the garden so vividly; you did a wonderful job describing it, and the drastic change caused by the storm was also very easy to see.

    The ending is rather depressing. It's a reminder that no matter how in love you might think you are, while you are a teenager it is impossible to see if your current relationship will survive the turbulent waters of adolescence. Still, the promise ring was very sweet.

    I laughed about his "gargantuan pockets." It reminded me of some the guys at school, with their enormous, baggy pants....

    Well done on this. Despite the depressing ending, it was quite enjoyable and well-written. Good luck in the contest!

    • crystalsycamore2
      August 24, 2008
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      Thank you. I was checking your profile out and you're quite an incredible person so I appreciate the good comment. I'm glad to know you enjoyed my story ^_^


  • trekkergirl
    August 24, 2008

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    Actually I really do like this one... You used the rain shower in a very appropriate way... Wonderful job especially since you said you wrote it when you were 16 years old. Wonderful!


  • Elms Apprehended
    July 4, 2008

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    Wonderful

    I loved it. The way you described the garden was mesmerizing. Even though most teenagers think that they will love someone forever, something usually breaks them apart, but they always find love again, whether or not in the same person.
    I loved it!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

1 - 9 of 9