July 2/3... a look into the enigma

The end theme for Transformers playing in the background causes me to glance over at the tv... The new series disappoints me... anyway... I can't help but notice a glow... not that of the tv screen but a blue glow coming from below it; it's my alarm clock. It's 5:30... and that little dot indicating that it's PM is not lit up... Yeah another sleepless night on the internet... I swear if computer monitors were to put out the same type of light as the sun I'd look black from the tan... or be dead from skin cancer...1

My web history from the past 12 hours... Kongregate, Adult Swim, Firefox Addons, Digg- images-offbeat, Hackaday, ThinkGeek, Jinx, Wikipedia, Kongregate, Wikipedia, 4chan, Facebook, Myspace, Kongregate, Adult Swim, youtube, Digg, youtube, Kongregate, Facebook, Revision 3, youtube, wikipedia... For someone who not so long ago wrote about hating repetition I sure seem to do a lot of it... well I guess it doesn't seem so repetitive when you're doing it all simultaneously in 10 different tabs on Firefox... I'm pretty good at multitasking... 2

God I want to kill whoever is doing the new series of Transformers... It's littered with really crappy technology themed jokes and shitty animation... they don't even transform... it's more like morphing... Sorry... like I said I'm pretty good at multitasking... you might have trouble keeping up if you aren't... Anyway my mouse is now hovering over the only RSS feed I have... “Stories by Runner-Fox”... There's 2 stories that weren't there the last time my little white gloved hand found itself there... and I can tell right away at least one of them is about me.3

Sigh... as bad as it sounds, I'm pretty sure the reason I browse all of these sites all day is to avoid thinking about her... Yeah, I do love her... and thats exactly why I can't think about her all day... Because every time I do... every time I glance up and look at her picture sitting on top of my monitor... I'm reminded that she isn't here... that I can't see her... at least not until Thursday and even then its not for more than about 20 minutes at any one time... It's a bit of long story for those that don't know it already, but suffice to say that her parent's aren't exactly fond of me... that 20 mins or so every monday and thursday is cross country practice... the only chance we get to be together.4

Her first story is a letter... a letter to her “Crazy, Messed-Up Guy.” Chances are that if you're still reading this you've already read that... WTF Pokemon? It's already been half an hour... 6 AM now; I'm already committed to the idea of not sleeping at all today... Great the other story is about me too... heh, there's a typo in the first line... A tear rolls down my cheek... Yep, I'm crying and letting the whole internet know about it... She actually used my name in the last line... until now she's avoided doing that because of her parents... it makes me wonder... I guess I'll ask her about it... in 13 hours that is... Yeah it's Thursday... for the past 6 hours at least. Hmm... She's got a contest going... about Disorders of the mind...5

She's got ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome... Every girl I've taken a liking too in the last few years seems to have what society would care to deem mental problems... compared to Bipolar mania, an bad inferiority complex, and some long Mania starting with a T that I haven't taken the time to remember how to spell or pronounce, ADHD is hardly a problem... I'd say it makes things more interesting... and I'm not the type of person to consider that a bad thing; having this dislike of routine and all...6

I start to wonder if I've got any of the disorders on her list... ADD I'd say is my most likely candidate... let's see what Wikipedia has to say7

1.Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.... Check8

2.Often has Trouble Keeping attention on tasks or play activities... Hmm perhaps my constant multitasking actually stems from this...9

3.Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.... Define Often....10

4.Often does not follow Instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, etc... yeah11

5.Often has trouble organizing activities... maybe? Not sure how to interpret this one12

6.Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time... hmmm well that one depends... I'd say usually I'm the opposite tho13

7.Often loses things needed for tasks and activities... Definitely... but I'm getting better14

8.Is often easily distracted... perhaps... but I'd say this one's on purpose...15

9.Often forgetful in daily activities... Eh I wouldn't say I'm that bad...16

add those up and I get... a resounding Maybe... oh wait there's more... the Hyperactivity Criteria... 17

1.Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat... Yeah yeah I can hear her saying it now....18

2.Often gets up from seat when remaining in seat is expected... Don't think so19

3.Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate... sometimes... I wouldnt say often tho...20

4.Often has trouble playing or enjoying leisure activities quietly... I've barely made a sound in the last 12 hours...21

5.is often “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor” ... I don't even know what that one means...22

6.Often talks excessively... Ok when I get on a certain topic... yes... but again that isn't that often23

hmmm... it makes me wonder... I haven't seemed to have stayed on topic very well through this... and I just got distracted by Pokemon... well I'd say thats because I'm not much of a writer but that might just be an excuse... and right now I'm spacing... I do that a lot too... nothing about that in any of the criteria... -shrugs- I bet sometimes it seems like I do and sometimes it seems as if I don't... after having stayed up all night, probably not...24

You see this is the part where I should be going into a sort of past tense... or I guess it's more of an omnitense... wait... nope... .this is the present tense part... I guess I actually can stay on track... even if it is on accident... But see I have a problem now... I don't know where to go from here... I feel tired... I just want to go lay down... but I can't do that... maybe later I'll put something else here... I've got an idea... I'll start keeping a sort of bloglike diary... but considering it's been about 45 days since the last time I felt like writing something it's not gonna be kept very current...