Knowing she didn’t have much time left, Kai rushed over to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute, knocking on Lila Bostwick’s room. Nobody replied so Kai just stepped in.1
“Hey Lila, how you doing?” Kai asked her five year old sister who seemed to be asleep on her hospital bed. Kai sat down next to her and clamped her hand around her sister’s small cold hand. She felt odd just sitting there with her lifeless sister. “I got you something,” Kai said excitedly as she pulled out a piece of worn paper that had a picture of the ocean on it. “I hope you enjoy.” Kai tried to end the visit on a positive note and set the picture on her sister right before she left the cancer institute.2
“Is this her?” A low voice asked from the other side of Lila’s room.3
“Yeah, she’s the one,” a nurse said as she stepped into the room. “What’s this?” The nurse studied the picture that Kai had laid down on her sister. “Too bad the little girl will never be able to see it,” the nurse sighed as she dropped the piece of paper, covering Lila up once and for all.4
Author notes
Very sad even though you asked for happy, sorry. I felt sad so I wrote this. It's 199 words lol.
A contest entry
- let me take a peek. by miles of smiles.
225 points, ended August 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
This was so sad! Lifeless children...(because I refused to say dead) are probably one of the saddest things to me, right up there by lifeless animals. The nurses were kind of "ho-hum" about it, and it almost made me smile.
Almost, but not quite, because I was still in denial that the the girl had died.
It was beautiful and sad, and I felt sympathetic to the characters. Thank you for sharing this with us!
One last thing: I know I haven't judged the contest yet (it's been, what, three weeks?) and I'm really sorry. Things got really busy and I'm just now getting on SW on a regular basis! Thanks for understanding, the contest will be judged by the 7th, no later.
-
Awww. So sad! Great job with the emotions in this one, and I like how you started it!
I know you were keeping to a word limit but more descriptions would help the reader better visualize what is happening.
Good job and good luck in the contest! Don't stop writing!
.♥. Maureen .♥. -
*sniffles*
That was so good...I loved it. Very sad though, but good none-the-less. -
Sad
Agree that the transition could have been more clear, as it seemed there was someone in the room when Kai was there. Good storyline though!
-
It was an interesting twist. The transition where Kai leaves and the other people are in the room is kind of awkward - I had to go back and reread it to get what was happening.
-
OMG... I feel like crying! This is just heart-wrenching. Even though it's sad, it's very well written. You did a fantastic job with this piece. I don't have anything constructive to add; this is very good as it stands.
Keep writing!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
