The Wyrm's Footprint

Each step was carefully placed as the cave floor was eternally damp and the slimy stones were polished by thousands of years of water running over them. One slip and he would tumble hundreds of feet to a shattering end. Cimiar grimaced, imagining his end in a fall – the underground stream would eventually carry his rotting corpse to the Eralyn Plains.1

The young alchemist had a blazing torch in one hand, but had the other free: he more often than not needed it to keep balance or hold onto stone formations or stalagmites to keep himself from slipping. He guessed he had descended at least half a mile beneath the mountain and had no idea how much of his climb was left. The wyrm’s lair was deep indeed.2

Cimiar started to wonder why he had chosen such a difficult task, why he was willing to risk his life for a single wyrm’s scale. He then reminded himself that it was worth it: that rendering the scale to powder would give him the final ingredient needed to enchant the blade he had forged. The scale’s sympathy toward fire resistance would be used to bestow the same to the wielder of the sword. He smiled at the thought of achieving this magic. His fame would spread throughout Kul-ra, and he would be invited to the Court of the God Emperor Kul himself. After pondering this his fears dissipated into the hollow darkness of the colossal cave network and into the sounds of trickling streams that joined the rushing river far below.3

It seemed an eternity, but eventually the steep descent turned into a gentle grade. The river was near; its cataracts already roared in his ears and fine mist caressed his face. In minutes he whadas saturated.4

He raised his torch and muttered an invocation to the god Aquyla in the old Kulric tongue, and for a few seconds the sputtering flame erupted ten feet in height, lighting his surrounds completely. He quickly scanned the area. Yes, the cave is still gigantic in size! A wyrm would have no problems getting down to this level. A wyrm would nest here.5

He dared not enhance his torch’s flame again for fear of being noticed by the ancient creature. Assuming the alarm has not already been sounded, he soberly thought. His plan was not to see the wyrm at all. All he wanted was a scale. For hours his eyes had scanned the rocks and crevices, hoping to spot a scale that was shed or scraped off on the rocks. To no avail - so far.6

Cimiar rounded a turn in the cave and encountered a narrow path, lined with stacked boulders on each side. This was the first sign of anything other than natural formations in the cave network. He wondered what purpose it could serve, having rocks the size of cows stacked up twenty feet on each side of a five foot wide path, and extending for two dozen yards. There was no easy way to get around them; it had to be a trap. Crude but… he remembered reading that Wyrms often had magical abilities.7

Cimiar closed his eyes, thanking the gods that Olander, the largest of the six moons – and which held sway over the element of earth – was in the ascendant this day. It added considerably to the power of his earth based spell casting. In seconds the walls of rocks came into his mind-view – and they became known to him in every facet – the boulders were understood completely: weight, dimensions, makeup – down to the finest grain, and also their smallest weaknesses. It was costly, but he opened his eyes. Maintaining his concentration on the walls, he slowly walked down the path.8

When he was exactly halfway down the rocky corridor a rumbling suddenly emanated from beneath his feet, and then the walls started to collapse in on him. This was expected and now that he fully understood the nature of the rocks, he countered their sympathy to fall – with all his might. The entire length of both walls were leaning over the path, ready to crush the alchemist like an insect under foot; but they no longer moved. They were suspended in mid air. Cimiar continued to walk but his pace was agonizingly slow as he had to spend the lion’s share of his concentration on his spell. As he approached the final yards he could sense that his strength was waning and that some other magic was trying to counter his effort. Gods! he thought, this is not going to work! Then an idea entered his head – another way to save his life. He forced his remaining strength to rapidly separate every grain that constituted the boulders; and he pushed.9

Instantly, in a mighty cacophony, all the toppling rocks within a three yard radius exploded into fine dust, and Cimiar leapt forward in an attempt to avoid the tons of material. The torch snuffed out as he was engulfed by the waves of sand. Holding his breath for as long as he could, he scrambled in slow motion, trying with what little strength he had left to move toward the edge of his improvised grave. He moved his hands and arms as if he was swimming, furiously trying to edge his body forward. Suddenly he felt the freshness of the cave air caress his face, and the powdery remains of the rocks run off his body. He climbed to his feet. He was very weary but he was still alive. A simple mental gesture set his torch alight again.10

“Impressive indeed,” came a hoarse, venerable voice from Cimiar’s right. He turned and saw a man so old it was difficult to grasp he was still alive. The wizened figure’s back was bowed to the point he could barely lift his head to look at Cimiar. He wore grey robes and had nothing on his dirty feet. A gnarled hand firmly grasped a crooked walking stick. “No man has ever succeeded in getting this far. You must be a powerful sorcerer indeed.”11

Cimiar dusted himself but kept his eyes firmly focused on the old man. “I am an alchemist, sir, and traps that are constructed from base elements are a trifling matter to me.” He hoped his lie was convincing and did his best to disguise his exhaustion. “Now tell me, old man, who are you? I expected a famed wyrm to reside deep in this cavern.”12

The figure laughed. “You could perhaps call me the Gatekeeper. I am as old as the caves and I am charged to protect those who live here.”13

“Including the wyrm?”14

“I am charged to protect those who live here,” the old man repeated.15

Cimiar sighed. “Does the wyrm live here?”16

The Gatekeeper laughed again. “No, no, no. He passed on scores of years ago! I am afraid that I now protect the bats, the crickets, lizards and fishes.” The old man’s face turned quickly solemn.17

Cimiar was now concerned that he may have risked his life for nothing. “What do you intend to do now, since I am still alive?”18

“It depends,” the Gatekeeper replied. “What are you planning to do?”19

“With no wyrm, to return to the upper world. All I wanted was a single scale of its hide.”20

The old man looked surprised. “Is that all? A mere scale?”21

Cimiar nodded.22

The Gatekeeper held his hand up, indicating for Cimiar to stay put, and he wandered past a small outcrop of rock and disappeared. Ten minutes later he returned, carrying a shiny red scale, the size of a small shield. “Would this do?”23

Cimiar nearly choked. “Why, yes. It is exactly what I want.”24

The Gatekeeper handed the glistening scale to Cimiar. “You must make a promise to me, in exchange for this boon.”25

Cimiar nodded again.26

“Never return to this cave. It is a sacred place and it deserves to be undisturbed.”27

“I swear Gatekeeper,” Cimiar responded, genuinely.28

The old man acknowledged the oath and started to walk away. “Then I bid you farewell, alchemist. We shall not see each other again.”29

When the old man disappeared behind the outcrop, Cimiar turned to the path he had nearly died in, and to his surprise it was clear and lined with the same stone walls. He was weary but he chose to climb some of the way before resting, in order to honour the Gatekeeper’s request for privacy.30

The return journey was difficult as Cimiar’s spell had taxed him nearly to his limit, and despite the short rest, it would take days to fully recover. When he finally exited the cave mouth overlooking a small clearing on the side of the mountain, into the freshness of the Western Waymoor Ranges, he was barely able to find a spot to collapse and fall asleep. It was night, and it seemed so easy to close his eyes. He cared little for his safety…31

32

***


The sun had already risen an hour before when Cimiar awoke. He stretched and scratched his chin, slowly getting up, trying to shed the last vestiges of his sleep. He was lying on a small patch of grass on the side of the cliff face where the cave mouth yawned, and as he stepped forward to gain a better view of the valley below, he tripped into a shallow hole in the ground. He was sure it wasn’t there before.33

Cimiar stepped out of the hole and studied it. He then fell over laughing. “Old man, or should I say old dragon! You sly devil!”34

He had fallen into a fresh wyrm’s footprint.35

Author notes

gezza

Anti-word bank. I believe this is unique to the point that these words aren't used.

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Emily Rodda fan
    November 1
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    Oh! i likey well lovey i now do really hope to be able to chose who wins any how i hope that you like points you are in the finalists he he


  • Shimmerfairy
    October 26

    Edit | Reply
    oooh i like, wish maybe the dragon/wyrm had been described or something, but it wouldnt have fit into the story!
    Thanks for entering!


    • gezza gold member
      October 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks and appreciate kind words

      Yes, unfortunately the point of the story was that the dragon in its true form could not be described ;-)

  • Scott Chason
    October 23
    Edit | Reply
    And this

  • Scott Chason
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    "The scale’s sympathy toward fire resistance"
    -Great line.

    " For hours his eyes had scanned the rocks and crevices, hoping to spot a scale that was shed or scraped off on the rocks. To no avail. So far." - 6

    -I would suggest taking out the period after rocks, replacing it with a comma. Leave the puncturing sentence, "So far." The same. You want to stray from using two short sentences in a row like that, causes a little bit of stumbling for the reader.

    "There was no easy way to get around them, so it had to be a trap."

    - For flowing purposes and grammar, i would change this to : "There was no easy way to get around them; it had to be a trap." You're going to want to get that pause in there for the reader because without it, it doesnt hit as hard. The semicolan use there forces the reader's thought process to mirror the alchemist's.

    "and which held sway over the element of earth – was in the ascendant this day. It added considerably to the power of his earth based spell casting."

    -I love this. Makes me beleive in your world. I will take some advice myself from this little snippet, thank you.

    "It was costly, but he opened his eyes, and maintaining his concentration on the walls, he slowly walked down the path." -8

    Drop me a comma between "and" and "maintaining", please.

    He climbed to his feet. He was weary but he was alive. -10

    - I would change this to, "He climbed to his feet, weary - but still alive."

    Excellent. Do not fear for your victory in this contest because i spent so much time critiquing it. The only reason that i did that is because your writing style is so similar to mine, that it was easy for me to notice any flowing mistakes, though they were indeed very few. You will probably win gold.

    This was just what i was looking for.









    • gezza gold member
      October 24
      Edit | Reply
      cheers for the kind words and the critiques.

      I agreed that minor tweaks were needed for nearly all your suggestions, although in most cases I felt the tweaks had to be done in a slightly different way - to be consistent with my own style or because I felt your ideas detracted from my intent. Having said this, you spotted the areas for improvement very well.

      On one you suggested there was a grammar issue - I have to, in this case, disagree, it was purely stylistic.

      From a "critiquing the critique" point of view, you should be careful about how you word your suggestions. "Drop me a comma between "and" and "maintaining", please." almost sounds like a "polite order" - I suspect this was not your intent. By and large, your critique was well balanced and you have a good eye for flow.

      cheers and thanks again - you put time into a story that I consider one of my "throw aways" - so it is nice to tighten it up.


      Gezza

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    Took me three times to get through this with constant interuptions, but still I greatly enjoyed it. Very descriptive, creative. Love the ending. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    October 7
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    Very nice, an excellent fantasy. Thanks for entering!


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    Paragraph 3 "After pondering this[,] his fears..."

    Other than that, this was a perfect story. Very well detailed, wonderfully written, and deeply engrossing. Excellent. I was very impressed by your usage of language. Thanks for entering the contest!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    Rocks into sand...a clever trick indeed. I enjoyed this story equally as much as your Wish story. I love your writing!
    The level of detail is excellent in this story; enough to paint a credible picture but not enough to slow the pace.
    Only one thing I had a hair of trouble with, and that was the part where you described where Cimiar makes it back out of the cave and sleeps; if there were mention that he was on the cliffside in P33 instead of P35, I think it would flow just that little bit better.

  • wolfcub
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    This was very well-written, with a good tone through-out. I really liked the ending! There was enough description to bring the story to life, but not enough to bore me to death!
    Thankyou for entering and good luck
    Katie


  • Purple Ice 13
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this story. It's not often that one could find a story like this. It was well written and had a great plot. Overall, it was great.

  • typically, on this site, reads like this feel a little too much like a childish write based off of video games. Now that's great for an intended demographic but I've never liked it myself. However, this definitely does not fit that mold and I'm glad to say so.

    I actually did not expect to see any truly fantasy based stories on this website that I would like reading much and I'm so happy you proved me wrong.

    In the spirit of itself I have no problems with this story, as it was pleasurable and not tacky in any way. I like the bargain they struck, because it usually comes back to bite the protagonist in the end. I don't know if you intended this to go on, but if so I'd look forward to seeing where it flies.


    • gezza gold member
      July 21
      Edit | Reply
      lol!

      This story was a one-off, but it is set in an older time in the world where my novel is based. In fact, the character Cimiar plays an important role in the Prologue of my novel, and his Order of alchemy (Cimiaric Order) is incredibly important throughout the book. I also wrote a piece (on this site) called "Cimiar's Last Challenge" which discusses what happens to him when he is a LOT older!

      thanks for the critique.. appreciate it.

  • its cataracts already roared in his ears and fine mist caressed his face. In minutes he was saturated.6 (Don't think I've ever read cataracts in this context before.)


    moons – and which held sway over the element of earth – was in the ascendant this day. (Don't think you need and here. Detracts from the flow.)

    Excellent grammar and dialog. Didn't find any issues at all.

    Don't think I'd title it like you did, though. It kind of gives away the ending somewhat.

    Overall, a good read. You have a huge build up of background (Gods, languages, beliefs, rituals, etc) and, truthfully, I was expecting more out of the ending. Is this a stand alone story or part of a larger picture?


    • gezza gold member
      July 15
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comments. The steep descent of the cavern for much of the journey causes the underground river to form cataracts - hence the spray and mist in the surrounds. Agree that I could look at the description a little more closely.

      This story - as well as Cimiar's Last Challenge, are one-off shorts based on the world (and a brief character) in my recently completed novel. The moon detail was included because the six moons hold significant sway over magic as well as prophesy - but this is not expected to be known to the readers in this site.

      I never write my best stuff for this site due to concerns with copyright - I consider Storywrite to be a sand-pit - and may I add, has been useful up to a point. Your comments are an example of where it is worthwhile.

      thanks muchly

  • In Kulric: Wonderful

    This is a genre I never attempted...but your treatment has enticed me. Perhaps I, too, shall venture into a deep, forbidden cave and give it a whirl. Smaug was the last dragon I dodged...and still work at dodging. Certainly, I am not altogether sure I'd be ready to wend my way to a whirl with a wily Wyrm...but perhaps. Anyway, to toss you a bit of rather subjective criticism...I thought the title of this adventure could be a little less literal and explicit (same thought on the very ending)...perhaps a little more symbolic and buried a bit deeper...requiring a little more work and thought on the part of the reader to excavate. I mean, here, "footprint" is seen to = "footprint!" Perhaps use of a tad more symbolism or thematic meaning would be better. Again, it's subjective...but I would bury to "footprint" deeper.
    Anyway, on a SCALE of 1-10...I rate the journey a ten!
    GA


    • gezza gold member
      July 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Gary. I must admit that when I finished this short I wondered whether I wanted to polish it with "subtlety" or not. I never really cared too much about how "predictable" it was - it was enough that Cimiar was the one who was caught off guard, but I think you're right. Cheers and thanks.


  • Prim-Rose
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You wrote that well with great description, awesome grammar, nice character depth, and a bit of a twist at the end. It was a very good piece! Great job and good luck in my contest!

1 - 19 of 19