"Standing before oblivion with all the world at your back what can you do but embrace it?" that's what he said to me when i came home and with that he lit the match. the light reflected off of the gas, on his flesh and on the floor. He dropped it and the world came to life. For one moment it was paradise. And then it fell to ash."
Author notes
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A contest entry
- let me take a peek. by miles of smiles.
225 points, ended August 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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He dropped it and the world came to life. For one moment it was paradise. And then it fell to ash.
Those three sentences were the three most amazing, beautiful, and terrifying sentences I've ever read. I agree, your grammar was a bit off, but with the intensity and beautiful terror in this piece I can (almost!) overlook it.
For some reason, it reminded me of that Meatloaf song (Paradise by the Dashboard Light), but I guess we'd have to rename it "Paradise by the Match Light" because you deserve a thousand songs for the pure poetry in those last three lines.
As I have said to everyone else, I will also say to you: I'm so sorry I haven't judged my contest- it'll be judged by the 7th for sure.
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I agree with Radiance. Great imagery, and the last two sentences left me with a picture of power in my mind. The part with the match is very strong and I could practically see this scene while I read it.
Just watch grammar and paragraphing - you might want to break this up into smaller paragraphs with one idea each. Also, you forgot to capitalize "i" in the second sentence.
Good job and good luck in the contest!! Don't stop writing!
.♥. Maureen .♥. -
Very powerful!
Wow!
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Such vivid, fiery imagery. This is really a very poetic piece, especially in voice.
"For one moment it was paradise. And then it fell to ash." -- This part especially enticed my mind's eye; I could imagine the flames all around, feel the beauty and energy of it... and then the lifeless gray that followed. THAT was some darned effective imagery.
Well done, and keep writing!
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I have to say....I liked this alot. For so few words, it felt powerful. great job!
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