Sharp and blinding like a dozen needles thrown into a million eyeballs the insistent caterpillar crawls with its bladed legs into the flesh, digging around. But it isn't a caterpillar, it's your destiny, and it's eating you alive like a fifth grader with a sack of Halloween candy. 1
Under the table, the coffee grounds rot and gather life discouragingly, a bitter wad of rebellion, a loogey hocked in the face of human perceptions of the vast dominion of death. They seem unable to perceive that the living spirit of life infests everything, including death, so why not stop fearing and return to the dance? 2
The sickening crunch of injury becomes sickening no more if you only embrace it. The benefits to your own ability to deal with injury are as nothing compared to the ecstacy of inflicting it. 3
The sheer kinetic flex and feel of violence is purity, is life, is the essence of existence distilled to a few moments of pure and perfect will. 4
Distilled power forced from your own blood and sweat condensed drawn forth channeled into the hand, into the knife, into the muscles, and the power vents itself, showing the shower of perfect redness as proof of your success, of the sanctity of the dance. 5
The circle continues unabated, the wheel turns uninterrupted, no matter your attempts to stop it, seal it away. Lifedeath is.
Author notes
This is a pretty raw freewrite, but I like the intensity of certain parts.
A contest entry
- Get me thinking... by Adelaide Blood.
275 points, ended July 6, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short But Very, Very Sweet by sugarrrainbow.
175 points, ended July 8, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Waters Part two by InksterMoxy.
395 points, ended February 14, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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that was good. thnx for entering my contest. it was sweet! mmm makes me think of candy...no rae stay on topic...sorry about that! ok that was an awesome write. You did good on the imagery. I would suggest going back and proof reading seeing as this is a free write. You've got a good idea flowing there, it just needs a few touch ups. Kudos!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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The beginner doesn't invite you into the story, it's not allowing be to read the rest.
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Well written indeed!
I really loved this. Your wording was impeccable, I especially loved "The sheer kinetic flex and feel of violence is purity, is life, is the essence of existence distilled to a few moments of pure and perfect will."
Do you have any idea how perfect that sentence is?
Awesome job!
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Well done
Their were so many deep meaningful quotes in this such as:
"The sickening crunch of injury becomes sickening no more if you only embrace it."
"Under the table, the coffee grounds rot and gather life discouragingly, a bitter wad of rebellion, a loogey hocked in the face of human perceptions of the vast dominion of death."
"The benefits to your own ability to deal with injury are as nothing compared to the ecstasy of inflicting it."
"The sheer kinetic flex and feel of violence is purity, is life, is the essence of existence distilled to a few moments of pure and perfect will."
They definitely have me thinking. This as an amazing piece with amazing detail. Good luck in the contest!
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