Gently do the soft winds sigh,1
Across this land, barren and dry,2
The lilies on the pond are dying,3
Only one can hear their crying,4
Down beside the river mild,5
Lays a tiny sorrowed child.6
Across the land a man now walks,7
Beside his heel, his small dog stalks,8
Now it jumps and yelps and runs,9
It knows the youngest of his sons,10
Down beside the river mild,11
Lies a tiny hopeful child.12
"Son where are you?" yells the man,13
"Speak to me please if you can!"14
"What evil blights this cursed land,15
What holds your tongue and stills your hand?"16
Down beside the river mild,17
Lays a tiny calling child.18
The man runs down and breaks the gate,19
But alas he is too late,20
His baby boy is deathly still,21
He's dead despite the man's strong will,22
Down beside the river mild,23
Dies a tiny cradled child.
Author notes
Wrote in Year 8.
A contest entry
- Gimme, gimme, gimme your best Poems & Stories! by Zerstort.
185 points, ended July 17, 2008, 95 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - poetry by trekkergirl.
175 points, ended December 10, 2008, 93 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think of this?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is a very strong written poem with lots and lots of great imagery and emotion to it. Great write. You deserve each and every one of those trophies. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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I loved everything about it, It was strong throughout the whole poem.
I loved the begining, it keeps the reader.
The ending is beautiful.
Would love to read more of your work,
Keep it up!
VH -
Awesome poem, love every line of it! I like the rhyming scheme, love the imagery and adore the flow. Purely awesome. I'd like to know where you got the idea for this poem. Did it just come to you? or did you have to think hard about it?
Keep Writing!
-Kieran
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Unseen
Thanks. Much appreciated, we were doing ballads in school and were set a task of writing one.
It was about a year back when i wrote it but i think i did work quite hard on it.
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This is great. The rhyme sceme is wonderful, and it flows so well. The descriptions are great too. This poem is much better than so many that are written by older people.
One thing though- it should be "lies' not "lays" You may want to change that.
Keep writing. You have a great deal of talent. -
this is good
i like how you make it a poem but yet into a little story. i like it alot. really well written. it is very....uh....*looks at Rovingone comment*...metaphorical like. didnt know how to spell that word lol.
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A beautifully rendered selection of verse. The story seems to be partly metaphoric, in the talk of the dying lillies in the pond, the drying land, and the death of the child. Or, is it a story of drought in some place? Excellent writing.
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