Clap Hands

Narrator: You forget what silence is like. Even when the crying ebbs away as she falls asleep, and her agonised screaming eventually stops, there is no silence. Haunting footsteps to the bathroom wake you from fragile sleep. The cars drive past, namleless people going to unnecessary places, trying to live their life to the fullest. You’re trying to live. You only know you’re still alive as you lie in bed with your eyes closed by the hunger pangs. The shivering. The sounds. You hear aliens outside, laughing. You don’t think you’ve ever done that. 1

[Enter Emily, age twelve, in old clothes and a baggy jacket, walking to crib opposite where a baby lies, crying]2

Emily: Shhh, shhh, it’s okay. Come on Danny, just go to sleep. It’s almost nighttime. [hands the baby a spoon] Look, you can play with this. It’s shiny, and look – [hits it against crib] you can make music with it, too. Please, Danny, please, you’ll wake up mummy.3

[baby continues crying]4

Emily: No, please, Danny! What do you want? Are you hungry? Do you need a change? [moves around frantically to the other side of the crib and picks up Danny, rocking him] You’re growing big, aren’t you? Shh, it’s okay Danny. [hums to the baby]5

Mother: [offstage] Emily! Em, come here please!6

Emily: [sighs] Coming! [settles baby down] Stay here, okay? I’ll be back soon. Look, you can make music, look! [hands baby spoon] It’s okay, Danny. [runs to kitchen, where mother sits at table]7

Mother: Em, switch the water off for me, please.8

[Emily fills a glass of water, turns the tap off and places the glass of water in front of her mother]9

Emily: What do you need help with, mum?10

Mother: There’s the last of the bread there on the cupboard over the counter. You’re not hungry, are you?11

[Emily shakes her head]12

Mother: Then could you bring it for me, please? There’s nothing to put on it. But I’m so weak, baby. I need… something. [sighs] Something…13

[Emily struggles to reach, and drags a chair over to open the cupboard]14

Mother: No, no. If you can’t do it, let me. [gets up and pushes chair out the way] I’m not that – [suddenly stops and holds onto counter].15

Emily: [panicked] Mummy! Are you okay?16

Mother: Yes, I just… [slumps onto floor] No! No, Em, I’m not. I need more. I can’t live without it. I’ve tried. Oh God, I’ve tried. [sobs]17

[The mother brings her knees to her chest and cries into them. Emily kneels down and holds her.]18

[Scene freezes, narrator steps forward.]19

Narrator: Sometimes it’s too little too late. You learn with time that miracles are just empty promises that they tell those who have nothing or need it all, just to keep them going before life cripples them. Look – [gestures at them] living off the meagre money an absent husband sends as he works two hundred miles away on a mine. A petrified daughter. A starving son, too small to realise how cruel life can be. Despite this, holding on. Praying for a miracle. Filled with too much faith to see the truth. Perhaps it’s better that way.20

[Narrator walks off, scene continues]21

Mother: I’m so sorry Em. I’m so sorry. We don’t even have anything for the heat. But we’ve got each other, right? [looks up at Emily and brushes some of Emily’s hair behind her ears] That’s gotta be enough.22

Emily: [sniffs] I love you, mum.23

Mother: I love you too, baby. And your father’s home soon. He’ll have money. Then we can have a proper meal. Something on our bread. Maybe some meat and vegetables for dinner, a real roast, not just potatoes. Doesn’t that sound good? What’s the time?24

Emily: [gets up and looks at clock above mother’s head on the wall] It’s half past four, mum. Almost exactly. What time is daddy home?25

Mother: Ten… ten o’clock. I’m just… [leans over slowly] I’m going to lie here, and just rest a bit, okay? Can you be a big girl and fetch the blanket from my bed?26

Emily: But… 27

Mother: What?28

Emily: [looks down] I wet it when I was sleeping with you last night. It’s still soaking in the water in the bath. You said you were going to wash it and put it out but it’s raining.29

Mother: I don’t remember…30

Emily: Mum, you’re shivering! Do you want the one from my bed? 31

Mother: Thanks. Thank you sweetie.32

[Emily runs into next room]33

Narrator: Moments pass. The pains turn phantom as each ache turns into another. The cold never leaves, not for a moment. Each breath is a miracle. You still have hope. You are breathing. You still have hope. And that’s all you need. That’s all you need.34

Emily: Hey Danny. Hey baby boy, what’s wrong? Oh, I’m sorry, I wanted to be here, I really did. Mommy’s just sick, okay? I’ll be back soon?35

[Danny cries louder as Emily walks over to the bed and takes off the thin covers]36

Emily: Danny, I’m sorry, I can’t help you now! We don’t have any milk for you, you’ve got to wait for tomorrow. You don’t need a change, I’ve checked. Are you cold? Is that what it is?37

[Mother moans in next room]38

Emily: Let me just get to mommy, okay? [Takes off large jacket, leaving only a vest underneath it with a small skirt] Here, take this. Is that better? [Leans over] There we go, that’s better, isn’t it?39

[Emily runs into next room, dragging covers behind her as she goes]40

Emily: Here we go, mum. Is this okay? [drapes it over the mother]41

Mother: It hurts, baby. It hurts so bad. I need you daddy, honey. We need money. [rolls over to face away, curled up] 42

[short moment of silence between them while Danny cries in next room]43

Emily: Mum?44

Mother: What? I need to rest baby, what is it?45

Emily: Danny’s hungry and cold. I haven’t eaten in two days. 46

Mother: There’s nothing, Em. Nothing. No food. No heating. Just a few hours to go. Just wait til your father’s home. It’s… it’s almost here… Now let me sleep.47

[Emily backs away, then looks at the chair. She climbs on it quietly, slowly reaches for the bread, and gets down with it in her hand. She walks over to the table, takes the glass of water, and silently runs into the next room]48

Narrator: The truth is a strange thing. We all claim that it is the one thing that should be freely available, but once you’ve learnt it, you wish you hadn’t. In the most desperate of time, we may make mistakes, and eventually, we think we’ve prepared ourselves for the consequences. But when we discover the truth, and see who we really are, there’s nothing worse. Nothing.49

Emily: Danny, it’s me. I’m sorry. [walks over] Are you tired, too? Poor baby. We’ll get some sleep soon, okay? 50

[The baby is whimpering, crying weakly occasionally. Emily sits next to the crib and takes out the single slice of bread. She rips it into small pieces and adds it into the water, then walks over to the crib]51

Emily: Yes, it’s almost over. Mummy promised. I’m sorry it’s still so cold. I’m doing all I can. I need to steal that spoon you’ve got though, okay? [reaches over and takes spoon, and Danny starts crying loudly.] No, no! No crying, Danny. It’s okay. Look! We can do this! [puts spoon under armpit and leans over, chanting] Clap handies, clap handies… [claps in rhythm with the tune and baby stops crying] There we go! Look at you, my big brother! Keep clapping! That’s a good boy! [chants] Clap hands, clap hands.52

[Emily sits back down with the spoon, using it to stir the glass with the bread in]53

Emily: There’s a good boy. Clap hands, clap hands, ‘til daddy comes home… 54

[Emily looks around until she sees the pillows on the bed. She walks over and takes the pillows out of the pillowcases]55

Emily: [stil chanting] Clap hands, clap hands, ‘til daddy comes home… for father’s got the money…56

[Takes the pillow cases in one hand and her mixture into the other, walking over to the crib]57

Emily: [finishes sadly] And mother’s got none…58

[Danny cries again and Emily puts the pillow cases over her shoulders. She leans over and sits the baby up, then picks up the mixture again, feeding it to him with the spoon]59

Emily: There we go… isn’t that nice? It’s not your lovely fruity food, but it’s good, isn’t it? There we go… [hums the tune while she feeds, occasionally adjusting pillowcase] Wow, you finished that quickly! That better, baby? I’m going to be right here, okay?60

[There is silence, and she lies next to the crib, pulling the pillowcases over her to cover here. After a few moments, Danny starts crying again]61

Emily: Shh, please. I’m tired. Are you cold? [gets up and places the pillowcase over Danny] That better? There we go. That’s right. Sleepy time, baby. Sweet dreams. 62

[leans over and kisses him, then moves over and lies back down with the one pillowcase, pulling it over her, curled up. Danny starts moaning softly.]63

Emily: [still lying down] Come, play hand games then. Clap handies, clap handies… [taps the tune on the floor as she chants] til father comes home, for father’s got money… and mother’s got none… clap hands, clap hands, til daddy comes home…64

Narrator: Miracles never happened. The truth came to light. The story never had an ending. At night, I wake up and I can hear a quiet singing from the next room, a brave little girl singing a sad tune. The sound of ambulance sirens and the feel of rough hands reminds me once again of what I’d done. When it’s cold, I never put an extra layer of clothing on. My beautiful brave little girl died from the cold, died from the hunger, died from it all. I killed her, and her sad little songs, and her brother’s left to live with someone else. Someone who could never love him as much as she did. Someone who won’t tell him how she sacrificed her life to save him. 65

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